- This topic has 89 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 3 years, 9 months ago by Leslie Joan.
October 9, 2017 at 2:59 pm #722759ChanceGuest
I know it doesn’t. I’m trying to cope with my “what ifs” I’m trying to see the realization that what’s once broken more times than not stays broken. I think the damage was done. So a more elaborate opinion would be welcomedOctober 9, 2017 at 3:04 pm #722764juliecatharineMember
A more elaborate opinion would give you more to grasp onto. I don’t think that would benefit you at all.October 9, 2017 at 3:46 pm #722804EssieParticipant
“I just want to know if I’ll always be looked at as the man who ruined her. For every 1 bad memory she has I could bounce back with 5 great times even on that same day. She’s flooded with ill feelings towards me and it feels awful.”
My, don’t we think a lot of ourselves!
FFS, Chance, no, you didn’t “ruin” her. She’s pissed at you, and rightly so because you’re acting like an ass. Saying you want to talk, then ghosting her for weeks. That would piss any woman off. For her, it’s the good kind of anger, because it’s showing her she’s better off without you. In a few years, she’ll have all but forgotten you. In much less time than that, she’ll be dating someone else.
Stop obsessing over her, get your head out of your ass and get on with your life. Do better next time.October 9, 2017 at 6:26 pm #722846KateGuest
What Essie said. You didn’t ruin her. You were just kind of an ass to her, most likely because you really weren’t all that into her. Your interest is heightened now because she’s seeming uninterested in getting back together. Which, fair. You were an ass. She may just be satisfied to think you want her back, that you saw her new hair, her snaps, etc, and you know she’s doing fine. She is.
But come on, you not treating her so great didn’t ruin her. That’s ridiculous. You’re one of however many guys she’ll date, one or more of whom she’ll settle down with. Even my WORST boyfriend, who yelled at me and did other fucked-up stuff, didn’t ruin me. That relationship actually taught me a lot of things, as much as it sucked, and made me into a better future girlfriend and spouse.
She’s fine, you’ll be fine, keep moving along.October 9, 2017 at 7:48 pm #722850Leslie JoanGuest
Chance, we already wrote about what was going to happen three weeks ago. And since you weren’t pursuing her in the last few weeks, it’s not likely you’d begin now. Seriously, you were both were terrified to talk with each other, and so you’ve both been playing social media games. You basically wanted a guarantee that it was going to work, and those don’t exist.
The whole notion that “you ruined her” is just so much overwrought histrionic bullshit. Both sides in a broken relationship can hurt. And anyone who can’t handle it should enter a nunnery. Sounds like you have been reading her stuff and self flagellating. Look, you acted badly. But the relationship was over. Gahhd, let it be.October 10, 2017 at 7:22 am #722904Leslie JoanGuest
The reason people break up is because it’s not working. It doesn’t mean that there were never any good times, and it doesn’t take away from any good times that were had. Both people aren’t required to agree on how to perceive the same events, either as they happen, or after the fact. Each of you is entitled to your own individual reactions; that’s the way this works. But here’s the thing: when you break up with someone, it’s generally best to move the fuck on. There is nothing to be gained from keeping on stirring the shit. Other than to create drama, which she loves to promote, and which causes you guilt and self flagellation.
You two didn’t work together. Just accept it and let it go. Stop trying to prove anything to her, stay off her social media, stop defending yourself. Move.On.