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Confused – social media

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  • #890571 Reply

    I dated a guy last summer and broke up with him after I found out he was seeing other women. I wanted to get closure and talk with him face to face, which he kept stringing me along for. A few months later, he started publicly posting about his new girlfriend. I ended up unfollowing him on social media and deleting his number, which I feel good about it. When the pandemic hit I was curious how he was doing, and started noticing that he was still watching all my stories on instagram. This leads me to my question- why? I think he has blocked me from viewing his stories, so why is he still following me? I want to ask him what’s up, out of morbid curiosity. Any thoughts?
    Confused in Ohio

    #890587 Reply

    No, don’t, and block him from viewing your stories. This is the “harem” complex: some guys like to fancy they have a large pool of women at disposal, even just for the eyes. New page for you: don’t go backwards!

    #890629 Reply

    The problem isn’t that this guy has a harem complex, the problem is that people like the LW keep going back for more. Who gives a crap what he’s doing on instagram? It doesn’t mean anything. “Closure” and “morbid curiosity” are just other words for I-won’t-move-on. Aim higher, LW. Way higher.

    #890661 Reply

    There’s a perfectly logical reason he still follows you on Instragram. He didn’t think it was necessary to unfollow you. Maybe he likes seeing your pictures, maybe he just forgot.

    What it definitely isn’t is a sign he’s still interested in you.

    #890681 Reply
    avatarMiss MJ

    You broke up. That’s your closure. Ignore, block and move on.

    #890682 Reply

    Nobody can tell you why he is still following you, but we can tell you it’s not a sign he’s still interested in you. Most of us follow people — sometimes even exes — that we don’t spend much time actively think about, if any. When you watch stories on Instagram, it will continue playing the stories of other people you follow, which is the most likely reason he’s watching your stories.

    It sounds like you dated for a summer about a year ago, is that right? And it sounds like you’re looking for any excuse to reach out. He’s moved on and you should, too. You need to let this go. If you’re struggling to do so, a therapist can help.

    #890710 Reply

    You can’t control or understand his behaviour; the only thing you can do is control yours.

    Firstly, being strung along for months looking for closure doesn’t help you. It suggests you were way more emotionally involved after the breakup than him. Closure isn’t something others can give you – it’s the act of acceptance you have to instigate yourself.

    People follow people on social media for all sorts of reasons – some people just don’t unfollow people they know, regardless of how little they care for them. We all probably have people on social media we’ve long grown distant from – maybe we feel odd about blocking or deleting them because it seems rude, but we don’t really care. Maybe he’s just lousy at deleting. Maybe he likes having more followers. Maybe he feels a vague curiosity to look at what people he knows are up to. Maybe he’s keeping a harem of vaguely desirable women who make him feel like he’s wanted. I’ve known friends to keep all their exes on social media ‘to prove I’m not taking it personally’ – wasn’t a good idea, but there you go. It’s pointless to try to figure people out in this way. You have to judge by acions.

    The point is; he strung you along, he has a girlfriend, and he’s made no overtures to treat you as a friend let alone a romantic prospect in the past year or so. He isn’t pining after you. You need to move on – and if you can’t do that with him even vaguely in the picture (even just on social media) then delete and block him so that whether he’s looking at your things isn’t occupying your thoughts.

    You deserve more than spending your time wondering if some guy with a girlfriend who won’t make a move on you is looking at your stories.

    #890714 Reply

    You broke up with him for seeing other women, but you needed some other explanation or conversation to achieve “closure.” What closure did you get? Did he string it along, or did you?

    Making slightly bad choices, like feeling curious about how he’s doing and taking steps to find out- it’s fine, but if you feel hurt by the callous way he treated you, you should not want to go back for more.

    He might be looking because he’s just simply curious. It does not mean he feels regret, or that he wants you back, or whatever other scenario we can cook up. He’s not trying to covertly communicate anything to you. It doesn’t actually have to mean anything beyond the fact that you’re a person he dated and he still follows you.

    Block him.

    #890746 Reply

    If my exes had social media, I would probably look at their stuff too, as I’m nosy. I have no interest whatsoever in talking to or seeing them, in fact a couple of years ago I left a party pretty soon after my ex-bf showed up, but it’s just morbid curiosity like someone said. I also look at certain people’s stuff who are train wrecks, for entertainment.

    Plus it’s a widespread thing where fuckboys who ghosted or cheated on you still look at your stories. It doesn’t mean they miss you or anything. You should just block him.

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