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  • Mena Canar
    December 14, 2022 at 4:06 am #1117135

    So I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for two years but recent we talked about wanting different things, and how we can continue seeing each other but take it day by day and not make plans for the future. This was sort of my idea. My bf and I are pretty open minded, we date other ppl together and are in an open relationship but almost never date other ppl alone. We love each other, but I have a feeling that we might not be happy in the future. So there is this other guy, lets call him Joe, We went to highschool together and I have known him since I was 13. I went away for school and didnt come back to the same country we grew up in until 2019, he lives about 8 hours away from the city I live in, but he visits now and the , we reconnected then and sort of dated but never even slept together. We just kissed, it was hard to communicate with him at the time since he wasnt very responsive but he seemed interested and we had lots of things in common. Its funny, one day I impulsivey brought him a couple of chocolates my sister had gotten me right before my date, and he said it was his favorite chocolate. Mine too. Anyways, Covid hit and he got a girlfriend in the small city he lives in, and he said, better to just be friends, i was chill and said all good you never know what happens in the future. I had very strong dreams around the time we were dating and then suddenly in 2022 around april when I got covid, he actually had covid around the same time too. I kinda forgot about him because I was with my bf. But then i decided to contact him , and he was in town when I had those dreams (like two consecutive ones).
    Then the dreams started to come true in a weird way… like i dreamt that our friend was in one of the dreams and was kinda making out with me and made him jealous, randomly we bumped into that friend on my bday, and he hung out with us… but we didnt kiss haha. I was too focused on Joe. Then I had a dream that I was hanging out with my highschool best friend and him in some random apartment/house, and I recently found out she lives in his apartment building like literally next door haha. In my dreams, we came together around the time my sister and her boyfriend were engaged (they are not engaged yet) and I remember him saying “lets take it slow” , and also remember a dream that when Joe came to my house to finally get together that I was feeling guilty about another connection, and the person looked a bit like my current boyfriend, he was losing his hair and didnt have a job though, but we had a good emotional connection in the dream.
    I am so confused!!!! The thing is that Joe has similar dreams and aspirations as me, and he has started them already! I am on my way now tho…
    What should I do???? Talk to Joe? Ignore it? Move on from Joe and forget about it? Break up fully with my bf even tho we kinda discussed not having a future together already?? Find someone who is like Joe? Im so confused

    Mena Canar
    December 14, 2022 at 4:12 am #1117136

    Forgot to mention that Joe and I see each other almost everytime he is in town.
    We sorta spent our bdays together , but want planned this way it just sort of happened, and Joe doesnt talk about his gf much, except when we first were talking about our relationships when we met up again after not seeing each other for almost two years.
    But hes like that, and wouldnt bring up his gfriend either way, so Im not reading too much into that. Anyways, we are close friends and I value his friendship. I finished a computing course which he recommended and he was so nice, and shared my post on his social media. We talk often and have similar values, i wouldnt say he goes out of his way to chat with me tho, but he does let me know when hes coming to town

    December 14, 2022 at 11:50 am #1117145

    Do you want to be with your bf or joe?

    Dreams are not mystical fortunes, they are your brain working stuff out at night while you sleep, chemical misfiring sometimes, problems at work. Look up dream meaning exercises. I was plagued by dreams of a scary abusive ex from literally 20 years ago. I’m currently happily married with lovely children. Like, I am happy and fulfilled and would never want that gross imbecile.

    It was irritating me that I was seeing his face in my dreams, I hate him! My friend had this dream exercise where you write down your dream, exactly as if it’s the present and it’s happening. (I am walking down the path to the lake at my grandmas as a little girl, she gave as an example) change out the noun of what you’re dreaming about -(she said the lake at gma’s) for what maybe they represent to you in your mind now, (her childhood and naïveté) or what you’ve imagined they are in your mind. Sometimes that may help dispel or help you uncover what your brain is really working out, but essentially I think it means you should be single and date neither man.

    Be free!! If you’re torn between two, neither are good enough.

    December 14, 2022 at 11:52 am #1117146

    I have had old crushes that never turned into anything actually turn into friendship. Maybe just break up with the bf, and see what happens with now as time goes on. I think it’d be somewhat disrespectful to confess tour feelings for him, because you don’t even live close by, right? He’s in a relationship. That could end the friendship. Don’t say anything with Joe, wait and see. Keep him as a friend while you figure out what you want, sans boyfriend.

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    December 14, 2022 at 4:59 pm #1117156

    I think if Joe wanted to be with you, he’d not have said you’re better off as friends and gotten a girlfriend. You even say yourself that he doesn’t go out of your way to talk to you. Letting an old friend know you will be in town and asking if they want to hang out is a pretty low bar; I do that even with acquaintances and old work friends! You seem to be taking a lot of inconsequential things — having the same favorite chocolate, getting COVID at the same time, his sharing your social media post — as signs he’s your guy. I don’t think he is.

    If you’re feeling like your relationship with your boyfriend has run its course, even though it is open, you can end things. There doesn’t have to be a new person waiting in the wings for you to do so and time spent truly single can be valuable. Dating with the intention of finding Joe in another person sounds like a bad idea and unfair to the people you date, who want to be seen/liked/loved for who they are and not because they remind you of the person you want but can’t have.

    If having occasional dreams about someone from your past is a sign you ought to be with them, then I ought to be in hot pursuit of the guy I caught online dating a year into our relationship.

    December 14, 2022 at 10:38 pm #1117160

    Yeah, I missed that blip. You’re friends. He lives eight hours away and has a gf. I do think you’re not really interested in who your with, though.

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