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Confused

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This topic contains 11 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by avatar anonymousse 1 week, 3 days ago.

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  • #830378 Reply
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    Jessica

    Hey. Been seeing this guy for 7 months. Moved in last month. Thought things were great. So last night I found a random phone in our room. I turn it on to see who I can return it to just to find that it’s my bfs old phone. So I snoop. Why did he pull it out when I was away? (I was away for work) Anyways I find that he sent nudes from his old phone to his new phone via Facebook Messenger. I’m sooooo upset. Felt like I got cheated on. Why does he want to keep nudes of ex’s and previous hookups? Feeling pretty low right now. 🙁

    #830379 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Yeah, a few things going on here.

    First, you shouldn’t move in with some guy you’ve “been seeing” for 6 months. You just don’t know someone well enough at that point.

    Second, this is what happens when you snoop. You see shit you can’t unsee, and you put yourself in a position that you can’t really discuss it with him.

    Three, your boyfriend is a fucking dumbass for leaving that phone out, apparently not password protected, with all those nudes on it. Is he low IQ or wants to get caught, or what?

    Third, did he really do anything wrong? These are old nudes, correct? Maybe he just keeps stuff for posterity. Maybe he wants material for alone-time. But he’s not actively exchanging nudes with anyone right?

    Why not just tell him he left his fucking phone out and you looked at it because you didn’t know what it was, and what’s up with all the nudes? And listen to what he has to say and go from there.

    #830380 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Sorry, that was 4 things, not 3. You both made poor decisions, in summary.

    #830381 Reply
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    JD

    Ya this is why you don’t move in with someone so soon. You don’t know them.

    #830382 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    I’d go with what Kate advised and just ask about the photos and see what he says and how it feels.

    I’d also think twice about letting him have nude photos of you. You don’t know what he’s doing with these photos or who may see them. Just know that once they exist they are out of your control. If he leaves a phone laying around without it being locked up so that you can see what is in it then anyone could see what was in it and send his photos to themselves. The way photos last her nudes could be circulating around decades from now.

    #830385 Reply
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    Jessica

    I don’t care that he had has nudes on an old phone. Shit I do too. What pissed me off is that he sent them to himself two days ago so he could have them on both phones. When were clearly in a relationship. He said he’s a idiot and that he’s sorry and he don’t know why he sent them to his new phone.

    #830386 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    He knows why he sent them to the new phone. He just isn’t telling you because he thinks you won’t like the answer.

    Obviously he wants to look at them or is afraid he’s going to lose them and wants to make sure he keeps them. He’s probably using them for alone time or he’s thinking about sending them to someone.

    #830387 Reply
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    Oracle

    You two sound like a pair.

    #830390 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    I agree with him that he’s an idiot.

    #830391 Reply
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    golfer.gal

    Literally lol’ed at “he doesnt know why he sent them”. Of course he knows why. To wack off to them when you’re not around, to send to other people, or both. He just doesn’t want to admit that to you because it’s shitty. You need decide if this is something you’re cool with. This is also why you don’t move in with someone you dont know very well, and why you shouldn’t stay with someone you dont trust (hence the snooping). Also why you dicuss boundaries and what you consider cheating looong before moving in. Also a great lesson in why you should never, ever send this guy a nude photograph of yourself.

    #830471 Reply
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    She doesn’t seem to care whether he has nude photos of her that might be sent all over the place in the future.

    #830672 Reply
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    anonymousse
    Member

    You should really move out. Don’t move in with guys you just started dating. He’s spoiled this now. And if you’ve sent him nudes, get him to delete them now.

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