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Cousins acting strange and I’m confused by their actions

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Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 16 total)
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  • #1093847 Reply
    sammy952019
    Participant

    So I went to my uncles funeral 3 months ago and basically spend a lot of money and effort to get their espically during this covid situation (The funeral was in the other side of the country). When we got there we decided to call up my uncles wife because we thought this whole situation must be so hard for her so why not go help them out with funeral if needed or whatever they really need. They declined us, so we left them alone and gave them their space. Anyways the day of the funeral we ofcourse met up they had us carry the casket during the ceremony and at the grave yard. After everything was wrapped up they started talking to people after the funeral and we ofcourse kept waiting for them to finish and as we waited for a very long time they never go around to us because they kept taking to other people and then finally my mother had to kinda interrupt my uncles wife so she could could console her our cousins kinda said hi to us and then we left because it was very clear that they were busy talking to other people rather than even speaking to us even for a good moment. I definitely sensed that they brushed us off at that moment but we were there for them and decided to contact them before we left to go back to our city. After waiting a whole day for their call to let us properly meet and console them they finally let us come to their place we all talked to each other and everything seemed fine. After we came back to our city we decided to contact them to let them know that we are here for them they never picked up the phone my cousins blocked me on social media and have completely ignored us since we have gotten back.

    Btw whenever we would text or call then either they would reply late or wouldn’t pick up the phone

    #1093873 Reply
    brise
    Guest

    People in grief act in a weird way. They need their space. They get angry a bit randomly with other people, especially family, because they are angry with their loss. I think you were well intentioned but insisted too much to meet personally. I wouldn’t expect a personal conversation with the bereaved at a funeral. Not either a personal meeting after a funeral, or before a funeral. You just write a card, leave a message announcing your presence and show up at the funeral. You let them manage their grief and see the people they want to speak with.
    After the funeral, you don’t get angry because they don’t talk to you. You adjust to their actions. Then you send again a card of support and let them know you are there and they can call if they wish so.
    Anyway, let it be. Later, at a birthday or so, you can send a card to your aunt. Leave alone the cousin who blocked you.

    #1093885 Reply
    sammy952019
    Participant

    All things considered my family and I had the best intentions we tried our best because it was my mums brother who passed away. My mom was very close to him so we wanted to be there for them in this grievous time. I just don’t understand why they don’t answer phone calls or the blocking on socail media. There is no clear communication on their part. They just ignore us rather than tell us that they don’t want us talking to them. Besides what could they have against me and my family we dont see each other on regular bases. This time I saw them after 6yrs

    • This reply was modified 2 weeks, 3 days ago by sammy952019.
    #1093888 Reply
    Tui
    Participant

    You last saw them 6 years before the funeral? Then they don’t really know you. If you don’t have much contact normally why would that increase? They are probably still grieving and spending time with the people that are closest to them. You need to let it go.

    #1093890 Reply
    LisforLeslie
    Guest

    Was your Uncle ill for a while? Did your mom ever reach out to her sister in law to ask if she needed anything or any help? My dad was sick for years and one of his sisters would come and stay and help and the other did nothing. Didn’t call him. Didn’t reach out. Nothing. Then she made a big deal trying to get to the funeral and because of a few different issues wasn’t able to come. I just felt it was too little too late.

    #1093891 Reply
    ron
    Guest

    I’m guessing that your mother knows the reason.

    #1093894 Reply
    sammy952019
    Participant

    My mom and my uncle talked everyday until a lot of family drama happened. However that’s now understandable why they wouldn’t acknowledge us at the funeral. But why specifically block me after? I personally didn’t do anything to them.

    #1093900 Reply
    Ange
    Guest

    Well if there’s family drama (way to bury the lede) they probably don’t want anyone remotely connected to it seeing what they’re up to on social media, that would include you. You’re the collateral damage of all that.

    #1093901 Reply
    anonymousse
    Participant

    It’s the family drama, the fact you have not even seen them in six years (that doesn’t say close to me,) and keep pushing for contact and more and more from a woman who just lost her husband and was probably in over her head with funeral arrangements, everyone else reaching out, etc. but you don’t seem to consider that, instead you’re taking it personally. If your mother and your aunt or cousins weren’t that friendly or close, or there was drama! she wouldn’t want consolation or to console your mother.

    Stop taking what she does personally, she just lost her husband.

    #1093906 Reply
    sammy952019
    Participant

    We did consider her loss, before leaving we told her we were gonna come a day early to help them with any funeral arrangements if needed thats a part of our culture. We don’t let the widow take such stress and let the family members arrange everything for the people grieving. We even gave a lot of cash to her about $10000 from my uncles side of the family to help with expenses. We tried our best to show support. We also told them that they could ask us for anything they needed but now they are ignoring calls ( we don’t call them everyday by the way just 1 or twice a month) and both my cousins have blocked me alone not my siblings on social media. When I search them up their profile don’t show up on my search results. I was just trying to be there for them if they didn’t want that then they should have just said so from the beginning and all of us would have backed off. But they said It’s all good we love you however their actions say other wise.

    #1093916 Reply
    misspiggy
    Guest

    You offered support. They took the money and were clear that they didn’t need any other form of support. Did you want something in exchange for the money, like more contact or a big show of gratitude? You had no reason to expect that, especially given the history of drama.

    It seems they cut contact because you pushed too many times for more contact. Saying ‘It’s all good, we love you’ is compatible with not wanting to be in frequent contact with you. I’d read that as, ‘We don’t dislike you personally, but we want to keep our relationship at the same level as previously, ie not very active.’

    If you feel the money should have resulted in more consideration and attention for you, in future wait until a close relationship has already been established before giving financial gifts.

    #1094013 Reply
    LisforLeslie
    Guest

    If you feel that the money means you’re owed some sort of relationship then you gave the money with strings.

    Whatever this family drama is, this is the result of not dealing with it when your uncle was alive.

    You also didn’t answer my question about what, if anything, your family did to help your aunt and cousins while your uncle was still alive. It sounds like your mom and he had a relationship but that no one else talked frequently or kept in touch. So if your uncle was the only tether it would make sense that as soon as he died – that connection was broken.

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