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Dear Wendy

COVID-19 couple advice

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  • #878592 Reply

    Hi everyone,

    Not sure what I actually want from this but just need to get something off my chest.

    So with everything that’s happened with the lockdown, me and my girlfriend are now not seeing each other (we don’t live together and we are still a fairly young couple, 23 and 19).

    But my girlfriend is now really angry and is saying that I’m acting ridiculous, I’ve explained that I’ve been spooked by this whole situation but she only seems bothered about the fact that we won’t be seeing each other.

    Now don’t get me wrong we have got our issues which we’re working through, but she’s now saying that she doesn’t think we can get through this. She now thinks that I’m not serious about the relationship (I am 100% serious).

    Am I being ridiculous?

    #878594 Reply

    I don’t think you’re being ridiculous. You’re being responsible. With the technology we have today, you can Facetime, skype, etc. It’s for a few weeks. If she’s being this big of a drama queen and asking you to put yourself and your family at risk of possible death, you might want to rethink your relationship. To me, it is her that does not sound 100% serious.

    #878595 Reply

    I mean, I either you stay together for the entire duration of this, or you stay apart. Going back and forth is not advisable and may be illegal for a bit, depending on where you are. If both of you (or someone in either household) are still going into a workplace though, it’s better to stay apart, because people who are going into work – it’s really not if but when the infection hits the workplace at this point.

    #878604 Reply

    I don’t think you are bring unreasonable. Overly cautious maybe. But that strikes me as both prudent and wise.

    #878618 Reply

    You are being smart. The information we got at the beginning of this as to who is at risk is not wrong per se, but it’s also not right. This disease is truly a mystery for scientists at this time. It gives some people a slight cough and yet the next person to get this, with similar age, demographics, health conditions ends up in the hospitals with their lungs filling with fluid.

    Yes, if you are young, you are likely – but not guaranteed – to get over this. People in their 20’s and 30’s are dying from this. Dead. Deceased. Not alive anymore.

    And when someone in their 30’s is in an ICU bed that means that someone who has a heart attack, or was in a car crash or fell off a ladder because they decided to finally fix something because they are home all day…. that means they don’t get the bed and they could die from the things we normally can fix, if there is enough medical support. That is also part of flattening the curve, we stay home to hopefully reduce the number of people in the hospitals because all of the other things that kill people are still fucking out there.

    So what your girlfriend is saying is that her neediness is more important than you and your family, and your neighbors staying alive.

    So tell your girlfriend that you love her enough to stay the fuck away and if that she needs to break up with you because you can only stay in touch with her by text, phone, skype, face time, facebook, IG, whatsapp and every other social media capability then she’s an insecure needy baby.

    But that’s just my opinion.

    #878680 Reply

    Explore how seriously she’s taking the situation and if she realises how serious it is. Send her some articles about young people getting sick and dying of covid-19. Remind her you both have elderly relatives, parents etc.

    This is an international crisis affecting most of the world. At this point, more people have gotten sick in the US than China. Numbers are climbing exponentially in affected countries. This means that more people will get really sick, and the healthcare system will struggle to cope.

    I know the rules are harsh and feel unfair, but they have to be formulated to cut down contact as much as possible. In the UK we’ve been explicitly told it’s OK for couples to move in – but that’s it. No visiting your live-out partners.

    I’m not saying it’s easy- my boyfriend and I can’t see each other now, due to the lockdown in the UK. And whilst I might be able to get away with it (I work in healthcare so I’m allowed to travel) I don’t believe in the chance of exposing others to the risk. Though I miss him already, part of me is glad he won’t catch it off me.

    But in the long run, this should be something a reasonable relationship can handle. It won’t be fun – we all like to be with loved ones. But it’s not like you aren’t allowed to talk at all. There will be plenty of ways to stay in contact and keep up with each other. And it’s not dissimilar with what long distance couples go through – if they can do it for years, then the rest of us can do our best for however many weeks or months this takes.

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