Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Covid wedding stress :(

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  • #1009629 Reply

    Im not sure whether to postpone my wedding or not? It was supposed to happen in September this year…due to covid developments there is a growing chance that none of my family (cousins, aunts, even my fiancé’s father who works overseas) may be able to make it. It isn’t a case of them not wanting to make the effort but rather that they will not be allowed into the country. I am torn. I want to get married but i want them to be there and there is no end in sight for covid….am i just waiting like an idiot? Should i just grit my teeth and get this wedding over and done with? I know people are in worse situations but my wedding has been in the works for almost 2 years now so i have waited but still i don’t know what to do

    #1009631 Reply

    FWIW in Australia they’re predicting no overseas travel until 2022 at least, I imagine that’s similar in a lot of countries. In the end I guess whatever compromise you feel most comfortable to make is going to be the winner. Whether it’s marry now and have the party later, marry now and have them watch over zoom or whatever or hold off and wait and see. Covid has made our new normal a series of crappy compromises unfortunately so maybe talk to your family and go from there.

    #1009633 Reply

    Marriage, not a wedding celebration, is the big thing. Marry now. Celebrate with everyone you wanted to invite to the wedding, when the state of the world permits.

    #1009634 Reply

    I’m not sure where you live, but the most optimistic predictions I’ve heard say late fall might start resembling normal in the U.S. And even then, these are just guesses — a lot can happen between now and then. I certainly didn’t think a year ago that people who pushed their 2020 weddings out to 2021 would still be SOL, but here we are. You also don’t mention any financial implications of this decision.

    Anyway, if it were me, I’d marry at the courthouse or in a very small ceremony. You can video conference in those who are important to you to watch. You can do a vow renewal and celebrate with all your loved ones later. I know it’s not the same as having them there to watch you make that commitment to each other in person, but it’s probably your safest bet with this many unknowns.

    #1009635 Reply

    Get married with everyone on zoom and have a big party with everyone when that’s safe to do so. How would you feel if there was an outbreak at your wedding? If a guest died? You’d be regretting it for the rest of your life. It would definitely overshadow the wedding and take the enjoyment out of anniversaries

    #1009636 Reply

    So, I know there’s a very strong message that COVID is not going to be gone anytime soon (I mean, I do believe that), but I really don’t know what life will look like in six months. I know if you had asked me in July 2020 to guess what now would look like I wouldn’t have guessed what we’re dealing with now (like, I wouldn’t have guessed that we had any much less multiple vaccines), and if you had asked me in early Feb 2020 what I though mid-summer would look like, my prediction also would’ve been way off.

    So I really have no idea how good or bad things will be by next Fall. I do think, it will look different than what anyone is imagining right now.

    Right now, things are kinda of mix. Numbers are going down, but there are scary new variants that might take hold. We have vaccines now, but we are running low. Vaccines may be less effective against new variants, but with the new technology we can tweak them and make boosters much faster than was every possible before.

    So…right now, I really don’t know if you can bank on having any sort of in-person wedding, or not. Maybe? Maybe not?

    The prudent option – for the health of your guests and ensuring you don’t get stuck with late cancellation fees – I suppose would be just take the pessimistic view and plan something small or virtual, or push it out another year.

    I suppose you could play it down to the wire and see what things look like in June/July to get a clear sense of the trajectory.

    But, better to assume and plan for something small (or delayed) and be pleasantly surprised if you can make it bigger (or move it up) than plan for everything to be fine by the Fall and have to cancel a big gathering and/or put people at risk.

    #1009637 Reply

    Way before Covid even happened… my cousin and her fiance got married at a courthouse in, IDK, March. Just the two of them. They then had a wedding celebration, including a ceremony led by two of their friends, in June. They did everything you would at a typical ceremony and reception, but they wanted the legal, paper signing wedding done just the two of them at a courthouse.

    I say, have something small now and do it up how you want when it’s safe and you don’t have to worry.

    #1009638 Reply

    Realistically, you know they won’t be able to come in the fall. So you need to make a different plan. I would cancel, get legally married now and plan to host a big party on the other side of the pandemic. It’s not pessimistic to think this way, it’s rational and prudent. You might even recoup some of the losses if you do this now instead of waiting.

    #1009639 Reply

    I will say, way back in 2015 I had a pretty small wedding and it was lovely and I’m just as married as anyone that had a huge blowout. So, I’m a big fan of small weddings.

    That said, if you do want a big wedding, then wait. Don’t have the small official wedding and plan a big reception for later, you’ll never do it.

    We had thought that maybe, some day down the line, we’d have a big “reception”. We have not. Life gets in the way. We want to use that money for other things.

    If that’s what you want, I’d suggest waiting. Maybe wait until the summer to start planning (whether or not Fall is a go/no go, I do think by the summer we’ll at least have a sense of *when* we’ll be able to safely get together in big groups so you can reliably start to plan).

    #1009644 Reply

    I don’t know what I would do. Everything is so up in the air. I imagine that its all very frustrating for you… Maybe wait a month or two before making any plans?

    It’s a sticky wicket. I am not sure what I would do at all.

    #1009665 Reply

    Please get married. Dont wait for life to pass you by because of covid. People are going ahead with their plans. Weddings/engagements/babies etc are all happening in a small or virtual scale. Have your big party later on.

    #1009675 Reply

    Speaking from experience here (state shut down and wedding scheduled for March 20 called off on March 17 by the venue) **just get married**. Zoom your loved ones in.

    Truly, I was heartbroken to lose the wedding I had planned and dreamed of, but I got to marry my husband in a small girl scout cabin with a friend who got ordained and our parents and carry out lasagna. It was a far cry from my winery brunch wedding but guess what? It was still one of the best days of my life. We will have a celebration in a few years to have the party wed didn’t get to have.

    We also cancelled our planned reception that we had rescheduled for Halloween due to covid still raging in our area. I truly do not think you will regret just getting married unless you really want the wedding more than the marriage.

    My cousin was supposed to get married in London this June and has already called it off and is considering the courthouse in NYC. My sister in law has postponed her wedding three times and they’re sitting on being engaged for almost three years now with no end in sight – because I believe the wedding is more important to her than just being married. Don’t be my sister in law – just get married, make it small and special and enjoy your day.

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