December 3, 2018 at 11:26 pm #810842
Okay so please read my only other question on here for the main background information. But basically I have this creepy teacher who has been emailing me and like stalking me and stuff. I finally stopped responding to him and as soon as I did, I noticed he started giving me a bit lower grades. The semester is almost over and my grade is still high, so I was gonna ignore it but just received this email from him tonight saying this:
I had something for you and forgot to give it to you this morning. I’ll attempt to remember Wednesday, or you can stop by my office in the morning tomorrow.
I am bringing a guy friend with me of course but I am very nervous for what this could mean. I can’t think of anything school/sport related what it’d be. Christmas is just around the corner so I’m wondering if he got me a gift, which is still creepy af, or if he wants to “give me something” which it totally more inappropriate. What do you think this is about? What do I do if it is indeed some type of gift? I have him next semester too btw. And obviously if he tries something I’m gonna report him. Just trying to figure out what’s gonna happen, I’m scared.December 3, 2018 at 11:51 pm #810844
If he is making you feel uncomfortable then yes the reasonable thing to do would be to report it. What has his others emails said and what has he done to stalk you?
December 4, 2018 at 12:04 am #810846
- This reply was modified 2 months, 2 weeks ago by Poppy.
Thanks for responding. This is what I had in my last post to clarify anything:
So I am taking this 1 class right now during Fall Semester & I have this teacher who I will call G. G is about 65 years old. Since the first week of class, I’ve noticed G has taken an interest in me. He started emailing me a lot about school, & then about the sport I play here in college, & now it’s to the point where he’s emailing me just about his personal life & asking me kinda about my general life a little bit. Not to mention he now uses EMOJIS. He even attended my last home game (which I know is normal for teachers to attend games), but he was strictly there to watch ME play & then emailed me about it after. He always jokes in his emails and messes with me during class. During my birthday, I was going to be on the road traveling & to the ENTIRE CLASS, he made some type of joke about how he knows people at the place & he could call them up & they could shower me with like *birthday kisses and stuff*. So overall, he’s constantly emailing me and in no way is it related to school at this point. I have an A+ in the class & I partially feel that he’s just giving it to me. Here’s the twist, I have to take another 1 of his classes next semester bc it’s for my major & he’s the only teacher that teaches it. At this point, I’m extremely uncomfortable in his class & it’s giving me anxiety and I have no clue what to do. I don’t think he’s married & he lives alone so idk if he’s just lonely or what. 65 years old is just way too creepy for me and makes me feel unsafe. What do I do?December 4, 2018 at 7:03 am #810855
If the gift is anything NOT school related, perfume, socks, whatever – immediately tell your parents and ask them to speak to the administration. If it’s a notebook or a book -check for notes from him. If they feel creepy – do the same thing. Shit, just tell your parents that you feel creeped out because this adult is treating you like a peer, not a student.
Emailing a student as you would a friend is really not normal. You are not peers. He is significantly older and is in a position of authority. Buying you gifts but not buying for anyone else, same. It doesn’t matter that you’re getting an A+, what he’s doing sounds like grooming, especially since you have to take another class with him next year.
He’s creating a more intimate bond with you and you need to alert your parents and they need to go to the administration because while nothing has actually happened – this is not normal behavior. It is suspicious, it is creeping you out (rightly so) and it must be stopped before it starts.December 4, 2018 at 8:34 am #810859
When you last posted, you were advised to speak to your advisor, or your Title IX officer. You should do that.December 4, 2018 at 8:43 am #810860
Do NOT go by his office to pick up the gift. I’m sorry, but what’s wrong with your thought process that you would actually do that? Even with a male friend? If he’s going to give you something – and maybe he’ll forget to anyway – make him do it in front of the class.
It’s probs just something dumb and you can say a quick thanks and then ignore it. But yeah, you should have taken the advice here and been documenting and reporting this nonsense.December 4, 2018 at 8:51 am #810861
PS, by jumping at his suggestion to stop by his office, you ARE responding to his email. His gambit worked. Now he knows what he has to do to get a response, offer you a gift. Don’t fall for that. No response means no response.December 4, 2018 at 8:57 am #810864
Is he a college professor? When i was in college we had survey reviews that were confidential on our professors and overall class experience. Perhaps there you could inform the school about how uncomfortable he makes you. You could also go to your advisor and tell them. This behavior of his should have been stopped earlier on but this is a live and learn moment. Your young and these types of scenarios can be scary.December 4, 2018 at 9:08 am #810867
Oh and please read “the Gift of Fear” by Gavin DeBecker. Listen to your creep-o-meter. Always listen to your creep-o-meter.December 4, 2018 at 9:53 am #810873
I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this. It’s not fair and you don’t deserve to have to deal with thus shit and didn’t do anything to cause it.
Make up some excuse if you have to, but do not go to his office. Have you reported him? If so, what did the admin say or do? If not, can you do so confidentially? Does he have a reputation on campus for being inappropriate (and this is totally inappropriate!!) with other students?
I fully appreciate that in an ideal world, you’d be able to immediately go to Admin and report him and this creeper would be dealt with swiftly and you’d never be bothered by it again. I also understand that in your position, it’s scary to do that since you’re young, he’s got power over you, you have to take his class again and if he fails you or gives you poor grades in retaliation, then you may be fucked for future career opportunities. That power and fear is, of course, exactly why he targeted you.
Can you speak to your parents about this? Or another trusted older adult who can help you navigate the reporting and complaint process and offer support? Because you need to report him. You can’t just keep avoiding him and hoping he’ll go away. He hasn’t and he won’t. He’s getting bolder and will continue until stopped. Document everything. Keep all out of class communications to a minimum and conduct them via email, if possible. Do not meet with him alone. And be prepared for him to escalate to wanting to meet in his office alone to “discuss your grade” or a project or whatever once his gift gambit doesn’t work. This is where having a trusted older person in your corner to offer support and guidance from an outsider’s perspective will help. This is also where reporting him prior to any further escalation will help protect you from any retaliation.
Good luck, LW. I know it’s scary, but get yourself a support system and report this guy.December 4, 2018 at 10:07 am #810875
Eh… for all we know the gift is nothing more than an academic article or scholarship application he thought she might be a good fit for. Lets see what it is then tar and feather the guy if he is truly out of line.December 4, 2018 at 10:24 am #810876
I mean I’m sorry this is happening but seriously do what you were advised before. Nothing will change if you don’t do something about it.