December 4, 2018 at 10:42 am #810878
Thank you to everyone for responding. I think my thought process at the moment was I want to stop by today only because I don’t want to risk being alone in the class room on Wednesday. I don’t have any peers that I’m close to in that class that I would feel comfortable asking to stay after with me. So at the moment my thought process was to bring a guy with me to his office. I am only praying that it is something school related and if not, I am most definitely going to talk to my parents and report him. It’s just a tad bit hard because I am attending college out of state right now and don’t have like a trusted adult I could talk to really. But thank you all for the responses. I will keep you updated.December 4, 2018 at 10:56 am #810879
Don’t stay after class to receive a gift. Not going to his office doesn’t mean you should stay there alone after class. Get up and leave with the rest of the class. If he has something for you and it is appropriate he should give it to you when you arrive at the class and he should be able to do that in front of everyone else. If he asks you to stay after class tell him you can’t and walk out.December 4, 2018 at 11:11 am #810883
You don’t have to be friends with someone to ask them to stay with you a moment. Just about all people would help you out and stay behind for a minute if needed. I have asked a stranger (man) to walk me to my car before as I felt uncomfortable. This is similar. You can easily say to the guy sitting next to you “i know this is weird but I have been having some issues with this professor being too personal with me and I am uncomfortable, is there anyway you could stay behind with me until I leave for 1 minute?” I’d just leave and not engage but if you had to for some reason this would be completely fine and no one would think twice about helping you out.
You really do need to speak to the school about this.
I have a professor who hit on me and when I turned him down my A’s went to C’s suddenly after three classes of all A’s. I told the school, eventually he was fired. On Ratemyprofessor.com there were literally dozens of women posting similar stories.December 4, 2018 at 12:33 pm #810895
What Skyblossom said. There’s no reason to go to his office or stay in class alone. Tell him you can pick it up from the main departmental office (if I have a form or something for a student, I leave it with our secretary so we don’t have to try to figure out our schedules).
I think you need to report this sooner rather than later. Things like this are always easier BEFORE your grade comes out. Go to your advisor. Go to the office on campus that handles harassment type situations. Go to an ombudsperson. Any of those people should be able to help you.
ETA: As an advisor, I will say that there are many adults you can trust at your school even if you don’t know them very well. You could get someone who doesn’t “get it,” but there should be plenty of people who work on campus who can handle this.
December 4, 2018 at 12:39 pm #810898
- This reply was modified 1 week, 5 days ago by dinoceros.
I’ll jump in to add that on top of what everyone else is saying, you can also approach the topic with an adult as “I’m getting emails and such from a professor that makes me feel uncomfortable, can you please help me navigate this situation”.
Like the others said, trust your gut and go to someone NOW. There are plenty of resources at the university to help deal with this.
Don’t reply to emails beyond those about classwork. Don’t go to his office. Don’t stay after class. For the upcoming class where you think he may try and isolate you and give you a gift, ask someone (anyone!) to stay behind with you. If I’d ever been in a class where someone I didn’t know asked me to stay if they got asked to stay behind, I’d do it in a heartbeat.December 4, 2018 at 12:57 pm #810900
I’m going to reiterate my advice from last time, which is to go to your Title IX officer, make a full report, and follow up on it. There is NOTHING else that will definitively get you what you claim to want here.December 4, 2018 at 1:02 pm #810902
There are so many resources at school to help you. Your advisor. Your school counselor. Title IX officer. Another professor. Inaction, unfortunately, is often interpreted as enabling behavior. You must report this.December 4, 2018 at 1:10 pm #810903
In these situations, it’s not even about you, completely, it’s about your responsibility to make sure he doesn’t do this crap to other female students. You need to speak up.December 4, 2018 at 3:37 pm #810922
Oh I thought you were in high school – that’s why I advised talking to your parents. @anonymousse has the right list. There are several people you can discuss this with. Visit them as soon as possible. Provide the facts and ask for guidance. At this point he’s made no overt gestures.
You don’t have to stay after class or go to his office for the gift. You can also duck out before the end of class and give an excuse.
You’re also allowed to say to an individual “Your attention is making me uncomfortable.” His feelings are irrelevant.December 5, 2018 at 2:28 am #810963
Update: he caught me in the hall today and gave me a bag of chocolate from the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory. I called my mom and we talked about it. It was just hard to decide because it’s a small college and I know some teachers have good relationships with their students but this was way over the top. We are looking into filing a report and seeing what other steps we can take. The hard part is if they let him off the hook, I have to take him next semester as well and that could jeapordize biasness toward me for my grades.December 5, 2018 at 2:58 am #810964
Okay, yeah. Yikes. the gift of candy is definitely a wee bit wacko. (But hey — at least it wasn’t a giant bag of cherry lollipops!) Seriously though… inappropriate. And just off. Decidely Off.December 5, 2018 at 8:00 am #810983
You didn’t accept it, right?
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