December 5, 2018 at 9:00 am #810989
You don’t have to accept gifts or inappropriate behavior from someone in a position of authority. You can say, I cannot accept this. He pushes. You say, thank you for thinking of me, but I can’t accept a gift from a professor. You understand. I need to run to my next class. If someone is behaving inappropriately toward you, you can ALWAYS say, I feel uncomfortable right now, I need to leave.
You need to speak to someone about what’s been going on. It needs to start from the beginning. Write down everything that’s happened, in chronological order. A lawyer had me do this in an employment situation. Just write it all out. Use bullets or whatever if you need to. Include dates or approximate dates. Talk to one of the individuals suggested here, and have your writeup ready. This can be the basis for your formal report, but first get everything on the record.December 5, 2018 at 9:01 am #810990
Actually both times I was in a harrassment or discriminators position at work, I was asked to write it all out. You’re going to have to do that. Get to work!December 5, 2018 at 10:37 am #811001
Yes, it’s important to document and report what he’s doing. But for future situations, knowing how to dodge unwanted attention is an important life skill (because sleazy dumbasses are everywhere and this guy won’t be the last one you meet, unfortunately). You’ve gotten some good advice on that. There are ways to subtly signal that you’re not interested. That can sometimes head things off before it gets to the point that you have to report it.
If he sends you e-mails with personal stuff, ignore them. Answer e-mails that are strictly about class. Avoid being alone with him: wait till the room has filled up a bit before you go in. If he tries to get you to come to his office, say “I’ll talk to you before class.” If he tries to give you a gift of candy in the hall, say “Wow, wish I could have some, but I’m trying to cut back on sugar, thanks anyway.” and move off like you’re in a hurry to get somewhere.
Guys like this are often opportunists. If they’re not getting anywhere with you, they’ll move on to another target. Unless they’re an obsessed loon, and that’s a whole other story.December 5, 2018 at 11:22 am #811006
But adding on to @essie‘s point – by reporting this you reduce the chances that he’ll be able to do this to the next person.December 5, 2018 at 2:22 pm #811027
My advice is to stop being such a pushover and stop being so nice. Say what you really think. He gives you chocolates: No thanks. He wants you to meet in his office: No, just take it to the front admin desk and I can pick it up there tomorrow (assuming it’s a paper or somethign school related). He emails you: Do not email me personal emails. He brings up personal stuff or goes to your game or says something creepy: Say, That was really creepy. Or – Do not follow me. Or – Wow, I am thinking of reporting your for getting into my personal space. Or – That is inappropriate. Etc. SAY IT. Don’t be afraid to SAY NO. Don’t try to be one of those nice people who tries to protect his feelings. Stop doing that. If he keeps doing this after you tell him to stop then report report report.December 5, 2018 at 3:39 pm #811040
Yes, I should have made that clearer. This guy needs to be reported, definitely.
As with most things, there are degrees of seriousness when someone’s giving you unwanted attention. If you’re not sure you want to report the behavior because there’s a good chance they’re just awkwardly trying to be friendly, the kind of cool, distant response I talked about above gets the message across that you don’t want that kind of interaction, without accusing someone of harassment.
The LW’s case is way past that point. He’s being inappropriate in many ways, and he’s persistent. Her spidey-sense has been set off. And most importantly, he’s a teacher with power over her grades and his actions are wildly inappropriate for someone in his position. He *knows* what he’s doing is wrong and could get him in trouble, and he’s doing it anyway. I’d bet a pile of money that the LW is just the latest in a long line of young students that he’s gotten much too friendly with.