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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Crush On My Boss!!!

Home Forums Advice & Chat Crush On My Boss!!!

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  • #1117196 Reply
    Confused
    Guest

    So I have a major crush on my boss who is single. I’m in a long term relationship in which my sex drive has been quite high over the past few months and my partner is generally always too tired to do anything. He watches porn regularly (Which I have no issue with) but won’t attend to me in the bedroom. We also have had some problems this year but I dont think that we are at the stage of spilting up. When we occasionally have sex, I imagine my crush (How bad is that!). My partner and I have a young child together and I just don’t know why I can’t get over this crush! My boss is quite older than me, very kind and to me very good looking. I fantisize about him banging my brains out and giving him head (At work), I’m not interested in a relationship with him. When it is just him and I, I feel that he sometimes flirts (Or maybe I imagine that). He stands close to me, stares and we touch each other’s hand while handing over documents. However in a group setting, he hardly talks to me and keeps his distance. We also have zero communication outside of work and I know that nothing will ever happen between us, he is not the type of person to fool around with his employee. He regularly talks about the woman who I took over from at work which sometimes annoys me for some reason. How do I get over this crush without having to resign? I love my job!

    #1117197 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    It’s not unusual to have a crush on someone at work, I mean, you’re there for at least a third of your waking life, and you’re dealing with all kinds of stress and emotions together. However, when it’s your boss or subordinate, you can’t act on those feelings no matter what, which it sounds like you know. Or do you? You say he’s not the type of person to do that, but it’s just a thing that can’t ever happen, regardless.

    I think you have to try to focus on what’s missing in your relationship that you’re fantasizing about with your boss. Sex, ok, but it sounds like other things too like kindness, attention, other stuff you’re not mentioning. You should talk to your partner and tell him you need those things. Work on it, since you have a kid together. Try counseling. Remind yourself this crush is filling some type of void, but it’s not real.

    #1117199 Reply
    Miss MJ
    Guest

    Exactly what Kate said. You’re using your crush on your boss to distract from dealing with what’s missing in your relationship.

    Nothing good is going to come from this crush you have on your boss. Literally, nothing. Focus on figuring out what to do about your relationship and work on killing your crush.

    #1117230 Reply
    Avatar photoDear Wendy
    Keymaster

    Yeah, this isn’t about your crush on your boss (although, below, I’ll link to a few old columns that address crushes on bosses); this is about what is missing in your relationship. The crush is just a distraction like porn is a distraction for your partner. You are both avoiding being emotionally open and honest with each other about your needs and your feelings about the status of your relationship. You need to communicate. It’s especially important since you have a kid together. If this relationship has run its course, you need to figure that out and work on how to split up amicably and co-parent successfully.

    As far as the crush on your boss goes, it’s not good to foster that. Here are a few old columns that address this:

    “My Crush on my Boss is Crushing Me”
    https://dearwendy.com/my-crush-on-my-boss-is-crushing-me/

    “I’m in love with my married boss”
    https://dearwendy.com/im-in-love-with-my-married-boss/

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