- This topic has 72 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 1 month, 3 weeks ago by IDEK.
IDEKDecember 18, 2023 at 10:32 am #1127134
This my second time being on this forum. Im in high school and the first time i asked the people here for advice on boys was probably the only smart thing i did in life cuz it worked so perfectly!.
Anyways, im here dealing with yet another issue. It seems trivial to those experienced in life but im lost fr. I have been crushing on a guy from my neighborhood for so many months now without really interacting with him. A week ago i had the courage to meet him face to face and had a friendly chat. He is almost perfectly imperfect. He is just so nice and gentlemanly (lol) yet he knows when to crack the occasional joke to lighten things up. I’ve only had the chance to talk to him once for, idk, 6 hours i guess. Unfortunately this conversation was in the company of his best friend who I’ll talk about in a sec.
So it could be said that my concern is due to not knowing him that well. But his best friend is a girl who he has known for a long time. At first, i didnt think too much of it, but after that talk with him, she seems to avoid seeing me or tries to keep me away from him. Idk wut it is. Thrice i tried to fix a time with her to hang out with her and this guy and she agreed. But canceled at the last minute. I couldn’t even ask the guy for his number or give him mine cuz towards the end of that night, this girl was just so eager to “drop me off”. First thing i did was ask if she had feelings for him (i didn’t tell her i did) and she claimed their relationship “couldn’t be more platonic”. I can’t stop thinking about this dude. Its come to a point where im overthinking for most of the day on how to hang out with him once again.
We have a neighborhood Christmas Party organized in a few days. I hope to see him then. As for the girl, i dont know if she is gonna interfere again. Is it because she secretly likes the guy and is jealous or because she just didn’t find me “perfect” for her best friend? I really would appreciate anyone’s feedback on this because im tired of women like her putting others down.
Lots of luv ❤️AnonymousseDecember 18, 2023 at 11:45 am #1127136
How did she put you down? I think you’re overthinking this. You barely know him and I can’t tell if she’s trying to keep you away from him. Sit back and see what happens and stop assigning fault and blame on someone else. You won’t get far with him if his friends don’t like you. Maybe don’t decide she is your enemy right away.IDEKDecember 18, 2023 at 12:21 pm #1127141
Makes sense. Honestly, even i dont know why im being paranoid. I felt sort of “put down” cuz its like the girl is determined on ghosting me or cancelling any plans i got with her. Most girls support each other or atleast dont actively avoid each other after just one interaction.
Maybe im a little too into it but I dont know if i can handle losing any potential meetings with him just because he has a weird friend. Based on our convos that night, he seemed to express an interest as well, although subtly. Maybe i should wait till that christmas party, be a lil more smart and ask for his number when his friend isnt around????
I appreciate ur quick response tho. Gonna wait it out a few more days, or just until this week ends. Ill write about how it goes <3.AnonymousseDecember 18, 2023 at 5:51 pm #1127152
You need to make friends with her, not antagonize her. Calm down and think this through. That’s his best friend, so you might want to ease off being all suspicious of her.AnonymousseDecember 18, 2023 at 9:54 pm #1127156
Is he older?IDEKDecember 19, 2023 at 5:40 am #1127157
@Anonymousse Alr. I thought this thru for one whole night and ur right. I think im letting my emotions get the best of me in this situation and not thinking practically. Im gonna be her friend rather than judging her behaviour towards me. But lets just keep it in this forum, i dont find any potential for a real friendship between us. Im gonna do it for the sake of getting to meet him.
And no he is not older than me. We are the same age.
@bloodymediocrity to be honest, i get what ur saying and dont understand it either. Its probably a gen z thing, but many people my age bring a friend on the first or second date to ensure safety i guess. Its usually girls who do this so i dont get why this guy wanted to bring his friend. I think i can meet the guy but like i said, my dumb a** had to ask the number at the end of the night and by that time this girl was ready to get me home. Im hella scared to ask for a guy’s number directly so i usually come up with some excuse to get it (ya im weird).LisforLeslieDecember 19, 2023 at 7:33 am #1127158
Here is the thing – their relationship may be fully platonic, but that doesn’t mean that she wants to share his time with anyone. We’ve seen the same behavior from two straight guys and two straight girls who are BFFs. She knows that if he starts dating someone (or whatever it is that you call it today) that he will be less available to her. You can’t tell her different. If the two of you are smooching it up, you don’t want her there and she doesn’t want to be there.
So you don’t need to become her best friend, but you do need to be friendly – which is what it sounds like you’re trying to do. But she knows that you’re making plans with her simply because you want to spend more time with him. If you weren’t interested in him, you wouldn’t be knocking on her door asking her to go and play. So ease off of trying to become her new bestie, your motives are more self serving than selfless and she knows it.Part-time LurkerDecember 19, 2023 at 10:21 am #1127169
It sounds like maybe you only want to be friends with this girl to get to your crush. Maybe she senses that and doesn’t really feel like being used. You’re young and my comment would sound and feel harsh even if you were older, but generally people want to be liked for who they are not for who they can connect you with. Don’t pretend to be friends with someone if you don’t genuinely like them. It’s really unkind.IDEKDecember 19, 2023 at 12:02 pm #1127171
@Part-time Lurker Totally get what u are trying to say. And yea i may be sounding unkind by saying that im gonna be friends w her for the guy. Sounds rude to my ears as well lol. But i need to let him know that im interested in him and its not gonna work if she is gonna be around all the time. If she’s around I’ll have to divert most of my attention to her since usually im the one inviting her. But if i can talk to him in private he might understand that im interested. U r right tho. Its bitchy to be a fake friend to someone because they have connections. Im gonna be friendly towards her and find some time to spend without involving this guy. Thank you for telling me this.
@LisforLeslie ur reply is exactly what i needed! I dont know how she sensed that i like her friend but if she did ur reply makes a lot of sense. Im gonna keep what u said in mind and approach this situation accordingly. I had made a bunch of plans w her earlier and she kept blowing me off but she has agreed to hang out during the christmas party. Im gonna hang out with her without the dude so that i can also be good friend towards her. If i find the guy ill just have a chat with him and ask for his number 🤞
Thank you for these replies. A different perspective rlly helps. Wish me luck ❤️🤞
I don’t understand why your most recent response is that you’re going to try to befriend the friend and spend time with her just the two of you. I’d cut the friend out of the process entirely. It’s great and smart that you want to stay safe, but it sounds like these are all classmates you know from high school, right? The guy you have a crush on is a known quantity, not some random dude you met on a sketchy dating site. And bringing a third person into the mix might give the impression that you’re interested in hanging out as friends.
This suggestion might get side eyed, but AOL Instant Messenger was really popular when I was in HS. In college, FB was brand new and at the time it was cool. You can use whatever technology kids your age use to help facilitate things like this if you want. With the caveat that the goal is not a prolonged online-only relationship, you’re trying to take things offline. I can think of a couple instances from HS and even college where I knew a guy from school, we’d message online briefly and exchange numbers if needed, and then let things take off IRL.AnonymousseDecember 19, 2023 at 4:35 pm #1127173
Okay, my point was not to be fake, it was- that is his BEST FRIEND. He likes her company. If you’re mean to her, he will hear about it and probably not like you. “Be nice” was my point. If you go in with flamethrowers at this girl, you’ll get nowhere very fast.
My advice was not to fake befriend her, it was to be friendly to her. Presumedly, if you’re dating him, you’d all be hanging out, right? Or do you think that will change?
Why do you like him? Do you talk to him? If you can’t work up the guts to ask him for his number in person or on socials, how do you see this progressing?