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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Dating at 50+ experience, or is this just dating in general?

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice Dating at 50+ experience, or is this just dating in general?

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 16 total)
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  • #1100318 Reply
    Marie
    Guest

    Hello – I am back on the dating scene at 52. Met three nice gentlemen that are 55-56 They are smart, funny, sweet, appear well centered. But they talk about themselves The Entire Time. Like story after story about their greatness, how they know BIG people, solve major problems, etc. I barely get a word in and it’s onto the next hero-complex story, which is described in infinite detail. If they ask me a question, I don’t even get to answer before they go into name dropping or a lengthy story of saving puppies from the rain gutters. Sometimes they tear up telling these stories!

    I am an interested, compassionate listener, and sometimes hearing cool stories is fun. But at an entire dinner-length date, it’s not a two-way convo. It’s me being an audience. And I’m not a quiet mouse, I try to edge in or talk. One of the men took it as me being rude when I politely cut him off to talk about something else and he pouted.

    My questions: none of these men are lonely, they have family and friends, allegedly. Are they insecure?? Not really interested in me as a person? How do I politely interrupt? Should I move on from these dates? Did I set a precedent of being too polite? Help!

    #1100320 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    They’re trying to impress you. I would say you’re definitely doing something right if you’ve got three age-appropriate, good-on-paper men taking you to dinner. If there’s anything about any of them that makes you feel like you’d like to go out with them again, then do that. If not, decline a second date and keep looking. I met my husband online. On the first date I don’t think he really asked me about myself, I think he was trying to impress me and we talked more about him. But he was quick to ask me out again and did start showing a real interest.

    If a guy can’t stop talking about himself and shows no interest in getting to know you, he’s a blowhard and you should move on. But consider that on the first date it’s not unusual for them to fill up most of the space.

    #1100325 Reply
    Dear Wendy
    Keymaster

    Agree with Kate. Could definitely be worth exploring second dates since they all seem to have qualities you like, but if the incessant talking about themselves continues through date 2, I think I’d probably move on. Hopefully out of the three, one of them will show a little more interest in getting to know YOU (rather than just trying to impress you).

    #1100331 Reply
    LisforLeslie
    Guest

    Eh, if a guy can’t even ask you a single question during dinner and spends the entire time monologuing… I don’t think I’d be interested in a second date. Definitely not the pouty guy.

    While I agree that they are trying to impress you, that kind of guy is out to impress everyone. He’s the guy that gets into a dick measuring contest at ever dinner, golf game, outing or whatever.

    There are guys out there that are confident enough in their own intelligence and success that they have no need to spend hours telling you how great they are.

    #1100348 Reply
    Marie
    Guest

    Oh my, I left out a key detail. I met them for drink/coffee then went out to dinner a few days later. So 2 dates with each in a month. So I sat thru 2 dates with these monologuers. They are each bright, handsome, good careers. Maybe this is the future of 50+ dating.

    #1100349 Reply
    Marie
    Guest

    Really good points Leslie!

    #1100350 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Maybe… It also could have something to do with your selection criteria, where maybe you’re picking big-ego guys.

    #1100352 Reply
    LisforLeslie
    Guest

    @Kate’s right – it’s about ego. I know plenty of men in their 50’s through their 80’s who are braggarts. And I know plenty of men who aren’t. Guys who are OK saying “huh, I didn’t know that. Tell me more about that thing that I didn’t know but you clearly know about” or will happily talk about their kids and their grandkids. Or learning a new hobby as part of retirement. And those guys will ask you about what you think or what you’re up to. Or in the case of my uncle, which president is the only president to have killed a man with his bare hands? (It was Teddy Roosevelt on San Juan Hill, but I digress).


    @Marie
    – Use the following if you feel like it. I have the secret to frustrating the hell out of these guys and making them ramp up their bragging until they are near shouting over the table “I’M IMPORTANT!” …

    “That’s nice.”
    “Oh my, I’m sure that was very exciting for you.”
    “Good for you!”
    “You must have felt very special.”

    Now – you know the tone that is needed here, but just in case, pretend you’re talking to a 7 year old. Enjoy!

    #1100353 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    I’m slightly confused how they can be funny, sweet, well centered, and at the same time be constantly blowing smoke about themselves and pouting if you change the subject. Like how can both those things be true of someone you’ve met twice? At some points they must have been pleasant company, right? Or are you just getting the sweet, funny vibe from their profile but in real life they’re annoying as hell?

    But anyway… keep at it, it’s a numbers game, so eventually you should meet some guys that aren’t like this. But I think if you don’t, meaning every guy you go out with is like this, it really may have something to do with 1) How you’re presenting yourself, and what you’re looking for, in your profile, and 2) how you’re selecting men to go out with.

    #1100355 Reply
    Marie
    Guest

    Good points Kate. Yes, I probably get those positive vibes from their profiles and first couple conversations, then we have more time together, like dinner, and it’s non-stop how great they are and story after story.

    I tend to gravitate towards confident men that have a lot going on for themselves. Maybe I shouldn’t put so much emphasis on the great profile they write about how great they are and all they have to offer, because then it’s just more of the same – talking about themselves. Thoughts?

    #1100356 Reply
    Kate
    Guest

    Yeah, I tended to not be so drawn to those profiles of guys like that who looked like they had IT ALL and were telling you so. I was more looking for someone whose profile indicated in some way that we might click.

    #1100357 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    And yes, I still ended up with a confident man who had a lot going.

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