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Dear Wendy

Dating at 50+ experience, or is this just dating in general?

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Viewing 8 posts - 13 through 20 (of 20 total)
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  • #1100358 Reply

    I would really very strongly recommend NOT stereotyping people. All single men over 50 are not like this, c’mon. To say “I guess this is dating now” is very, very short-sighted.

    #1100367 Reply

    Definitely a numbers game and you don’t have to give up on men who have accomplished something. But if their identity is tied solely to their job then when they retire in a few years…

    I’d advise continuing what you’re doing but maybe set expectations a bit more in your conversations leading up to dinner. You’re looking for a great conversationalist, not a monologuer. Or you’re looking for someone who can show they are both interesting and interested. See if they meet the challenge.

    #1100375 Reply

    So I’m not in your age range and a lot of my commentary below is purely anecdotal, but…

    When I was online dating, I found some men just had big egos. In my own experience, I found it was quite common among men who worked in finance and law. I found there was a difference in attitude/demeanor of a guy who was maybe nervous for a first date or hoping to impress me versus a guy who was full of himself and didn’t care to have a conversation that included getting to know me. If I felt it was the former, I was more generous with second dates. If the latter, I did not want to go out again.

    I also think it’s unfair to assume that just because someone has friends and family, they’re not lonely. Like I said, I’m not in my 50s, but as my friends started coupling up in my late 20s, there was a shift in priorities and how time was spent. It got lonely sometimes in a couples-centric society.

    So no, I don’t think this is just dating after 50. It’s just… dating in general to meet a lot of people you don’t really click with. If it’s encouraging at all, one of my aunts met a very kind, humble (but still successful) man in her 50s online. I never really cared for her ex-husband (my uncle) — he was well mannered and polite with a great job, but not very fun and cared too much about maintaining appearances — but I really like her boyfriend. You can tell he makes her feel appreciated. I’d say he’s been around for almost a decade now.

    #1100384 Reply
    N Kim

    Hi Marie, first of all, don’t get discouraged at all and it’s really great that you’ve had dates with guys that seem to be on-paper-perfect! First of all, I would definitely recommend trying as many forms of finding people as you can (i.e not just dating apps, although there’s nothing wrong with those!), because I definitely think that on dating apps it’s easier to get the impression that someone is perfect, when in reality they have a giant ego and are intolerable to be around. So even if it’s not in person, you could try joining online classes or groups that you’re interested in and look there as well. But as for the dating apps, I think the issue comes with the profiles you’re looking at. I totally get it, it’s really impressive to hear about someone’s accomplishments and their ‘great personality,’ but try to imagine them writing their profile as if they’re saying it out loud. Does it sound honest and nice, or does it sound boastful and incessant? Try changing things with your profile too to see who matches with you! Don’t be afraid to change things up, because dating apps are all about that–just seeing what works best for you. I would ditch the bragging dudes to be honest. I really think that’s just a red flag, and you deserve to be with someone who’s interested in who you are! I believe you’ll find someone great, good luck! 🙂

    #1100608 Reply

    The thread’s a week old, but I wanted to jump in because Cop said something that jumped out at me: it’s prevalent in finance and law. That was my experience too, and I wasn’t even looking to date. I had a career in finance for a decade, and I left not because of the work, but because I couldn’t stand the people and how they treated others. It was not exclusive to the men, but especially 25 years ago the industry was dominated by men so that’s who I worked with for the most part. The money was great and the work was exciting at times, but the rest was exhausting. Literally slapped someone across the face at our office holiday party and that was accepted as normal & hilarious (he came up behind me and squeezed my rear end — while holding a joy buzzer — and I jumped in surprise, spun around, and whacked him).

    We had law firms in the building too and I heard similar stories from the women who worked there.

    #1100639 Reply

    They might be nervous. And feel they need to fill every lull in conversation. How aggressive are you about interjecting with a tale about yourself?

    I have a male friend in my group who recently complained to a few of us that we never let him talk. But honestly? He never fucking says anything. Meabwhile, the rest of us have no trouble getting our word in.

    #1100642 Reply

    @Phoebe Heh. I went to law school and while I do not practice, I am still generally in the legal field. Some of the stories I could tell about workplace behavior I’ve witnessed… yikes. I swiped left on almost every lawyer when I was doing the online thing because I by and large find the personalities the profession seems to draw grating. I did, however, go out with my fair share of men in finance and found similar personality traits. Lots of arrogant men with big egos expecting me to be impressed by their very existence. No.

    #1100667 Reply

    It really is just a numbers game. I’m also attracted to confidence and successful men – I’m fairly successful myself – and, yeah, some were absolutely boorish but a few were simply lovely. I’d also add that you may want to consider opening your age range on the dating sites to younger men. They can be a little less self-involved. I’m currently dating someone who is 8 yrs younger – not at all what I was expecting – but he’s successful and an absolute sweetheart.

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