From a LW:
“I am in my 30’s, my best guy friend of 10 years and I recently separated from our spouses for different reasons. Through the separations we leaned on each other and very quickly realized we were in love with each-other. He is my person, has been there for me through some of my lowest moments and vice versa. Funny enough we were both in each other’s weddings. Being together was never something we explored before separating and just never went down that road but now that we have we realize it should have been us all along.
The tough part is that shortly after separating (before him and I got together) his “ex” wife told him she was 2 months pregnant with his baby. This was devastating news for both of us as he wasn’t wanting a child, especially with her. Although him and ex wife don’t have a great relationship, he plans to be as present as possible for the child and currently no one knows that we are together for the sake of shaking up their coparenting plans (I know her well, though we were never close friends, so the fact of us dating would cause quite a bit of commotion). I could never see myself wanting or having a child with a man until I got with him, he provides that safe space where I could see that future with him. So I can’t help but feel a bit “robbed” of my own experience of having a child with him. It’s very emotionally difficult when the person I love is picking out baby names with another woman. And I am terrified of how I will emotionally cope once the baby is born and it’s real. Any thoughts or advice is welcome!”
I posted this to see if others would have any advice that I haven’t shared before, but I’ve answered this question several times in the past including in these columns:
(Her update here: https://dearwendy.com/updates-scared-of-the-unknown-responds/)