fbpx
Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Daughter in law rejects our gifts?

Home Forums Advice & Chat Daughter in law rejects our gifts?

Viewing 12 posts - 73 through 84 (of 111 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #689957 Reply
    Avatar photoMoneypenny
    Participant

    I actually like having stuff on my walls- pictures, prints, posters, all things that I’ve picked up places over the years or whatever. I have somewhat eclectic/modern taste (BGM knows!). I’m picky about what I put up. If someone kept foisting artwork on me, even if I *loved* it, I would NOT want 20 paintings hanging on every wall in my place. No way.
    Now, I don’t think this necessarily means that she doesn’t appreciate your husband’s talent or dislike his style of artwork. I think that’s important to note. It may just be that for *her* taste, it may not be her cup of tea to hang all over her house, and one painting is enough.

    #689958 Reply
    Rangerchic
    Participant

    My MIL too keeps SO MUCH STUFF. In her dining room she had a corner that was piled nearly to the ceiling with…stuff (who knows what was really in it). She also can’t houseclean. It got so bad that we started asking to meet us for lunch/dinner instead of having her cook. My FIL used to not smoke in the house and now he does (though being on chemo I don’t know how he stomachs it). It’s just gross. Once, I asked my husband what his mom would think if we hired a house cleaner for her (as a one time thing to help her out) and he asked his dad to get his opinion and said she would be really offended. Oy, I’d love it if someone did that for me!

    #689959 Reply
    Avatar photoCopa
    Participant

    I think most Baby Boomers who accumulate stuff do so without crossing the line into hoarding or having creepy collections. I was recently visiting a friend out west, and I’ve known her since high school. Her mom, while very nice, is a bit “off” and their house gives me the creeps with the amount of junk they have everywhere. Just so, so much clutter, and not the “this house is lived in” kind of clutter that I think a lot of people deal with. Visiting my friend was the first time I’d ever seen her in her own place, and her place isn’t nearly as bad as her parents’, but it’s odd, too. She’s in the beginning stages of the same clutter, collects things with snowmen as it turns out, and has a TON of those get-drunk-and-paint paintings decorating her place. While I guess I can understand that we’re all probably comfortable with what we grew up with, I was surprised that the apple didn’t seem to fall from the tree when it came to clutter and odd decor. She’s 31 and a doctor — she makes good money and can afford to buy nice furniture and art — but decorates EXACTLY like she did in high school. But now with snowmen everywhere. In June.

    #689961 Reply
    RedRoverRedRover
    Guest

    @BGM, I’m one of those 30-40 year olds with a house full of “stuff”, and guess where it came from? Yep. My mom. I’ve done ok in the past with clearing stuff out, but since having kids it’s gotten away from me. And most of the stuff is theirs. Just massive amounts of toys. The problem is that that’s the way my mom shows love, always has. Which makes it emotionally difficult for me to get rid of stuff she gives me (which I do, but I feel bad about it). It also takes time, which at the moment I just don’t have. So I’ve told her to give less, whether she will or not remains to be seen. But I’m still left with what’s already here, and I just don’t have the time and mental energy to deal with it at the moment. So here it sits. 🙁

    #689962 Reply
    RedRoverRedRover
    Guest

    Also, I’m pretry sure my mom’s a hoarder, but at least she’s the organized, clean kind. Everything is packed away in bins and labelled and is clean and taken care of. It’s just that it’s tons of stuff that no one wants or needs. And it just keeps adding up. Her sister is the exact same way. Part of it is definitely that they use shopping as entertainment, which is a really messed-up development that’s become scarily common.

    #689966 Reply
    Ange
    Guest

    I’m so fortunate neither of my parents were like that. We moved fairly regularly in my early childhood so cleaning out was done often. Now my mum lives in a caravan type thing and my dad lives with my brother so neither of them have much of anything, it’ll definitely be easy sorting when the time comes.

    #689968 Reply
    Avatar photoredessa
    Participant

    My mom went through a phase of what she called “treasure hunting.” This consisted of going to yard sales and collecting other people’s old crap. She was sure these were beautiful antiques. I just kept picturing having to go through all this junk when my parents die and not knowing what might actually be important. For example, she was collecting white lacy handkerchiefs. I know she has one that belonged to her great grandmother. I would want to keep that in the family. I have no idea which of these dozens of hankies was the one I would consider special. Which means it will end up getting tossed with the rest. If she still has it that is.

    More recently she’s been in a phase of purging things with the idea of downsizing in the next few years. Then my parent’s house flooded last year and they lost a lot of stuff. They were finally just about finished getting the house put back together when it flooded again earlier this year. (They don’t live in what is considered a flood zone, so it was shocking the first time, almost unbelievable to happen twice in 8 mo.) This flood wasn’t as bad, but they still lost most of what they’d managed to salvage from the last one. So they’re pretty much minimalists now whether they like it or not.

    My house, on the other hand is totally cluttered. I mostly blame the kids. They have so much stuff. And I think schools must get some kind of kickback from the paper companies for sending home as many notes, forms, worksheets… (and any other kind of handout they can think of) as they possibly can. We’re completely overwhelmed with it during the school year. I am by no means a spectacular housekeeper, but I anticipate the house being much, much neater when the kids have all moved out.

    #689970 Reply
    Janelle
    Guest

    I just counted. I have 16 pieces of art in my apartment. That being said 6 are a collage type situation on one large wall and two are side by side pieces. Still. I’m starting to wonder about myself. Haha. My place is very meticulously decorated however and everything is very intentional. I cannot handle clutter.

    #689973 Reply
    dinoceros
    Participant

    My mom is a hoarder. My dad and stepmom aren’t, but I remember my stepmom getting exasperated with me once when I sold/donated a bunch of stuff to move across the country. “When are you going to settle down an accumulate stuff?” I thought it was weird. It’s one thing to ask when someone will settle down or even buy a house, but “accumulate stuff” just seems like an milestone.

    #689982 Reply
    Grandma
    Guest

    One certainly wouldn’t Give a painting to FORCE someone to hang it on their wall!

    #689984 Reply
    Janelle
    Guest

    @grandma what do you think they would do with it if not put it on their wall. You giving it is forcing them to. Common sense there.

    #689985 Reply
    Ele4phant
    Guest

    @grandma – does your DIL have all 20 pictures you gave her hanging up? What would you do if she just…didn’t put them up? Would you feel upset or resentful? Would you inquire about where your gifts were?

    How would you feel if she gave them away or threw them out? Would you be insulted?

    Maybe I’m misreading you, but I get the impression if she didn’t display them you would be upset and you’d probably make that known to her one way or another – either directly or through your son.

Viewing 12 posts - 73 through 84 (of 111 total)
Reply To: Reply #689872 in Daughter in law rejects our gifts?
Your information: