Home › Forums › Advice & Chat › Daughter in law rejects our gifts?
- This topic has 110 replies, 16 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 9 months ago by Morecoffeeplease.
This is so amazing. My brother and I used try to come up with the best “mean gift” ideas. The idea is that it has to simultaneously be something that people don’t want in their house but would feel obligated to accept. This is up there and it’s real!Leslie JoanGuest
All these comments are a waste. Grandma doesn’t want to listen. She just wants to foist her husband’s art off on her son and his wife, and anything that she doesn’t want to hear, she blocks out.
I have a fair amount of art in my house, but I can’t imagine having 20 pieces by the same artist, even if I loved his work, even if he were a recognized, museum-worthy artist.
Grandma should be happy that they returned the ones they didn’t want instead of tossing them.dinocerosParticipant
@grandma — Why did you even post here? I assume that you just wanted people to back you up on how terrible your daughter in law it. If literally ever single person on this post is in agreement, that means something.
But, sure, keep giving her art she doesn’t want. That’ll keep pushing her away, just like you want!RedRoverRedRoverGuest
“One certainly wouldn’t Give a painting to FORCE someone to hang it on their wall!”
What else are you expecting them to do with it, exactly? If you expect them to stick it in a closet and never see it again, then why would you even give it? Of course you expect them to hang it, and of course they realize that. It’s not a gift, it’s a burden.SarahGuest
I bet after what seemed like the 100th painting, your son and DIL thought, “Not again!”
Your husband pours his soul into the art, but what do you do to contribute?
I don’t even know how people would find the wall space for 20 paintings. At least, while being tasteful.
If my ILs were like that, I would’ve compromised by giving one wall space for one painting to be displayed at a time somewhere in the house. Everytime a new painting was gifted, I would swap it out in that one spot. The problem would then be finding storage space for the remaining 19 paintings.FirestarGuest
This has got to be fake. No one is this clueless. Grandma had a Mil of her own ostensibly. She knows exactly how 20 paintings from her in laws would have played out in her own home. Keep it up grandma and you will damage the relationship you have with your son and any future grandkids. Even the nicest person has their limits. Your dil has been generous with you so far. Take the hint and play nice or the push back on the art will become push back on everything.BittergaymarkGuest
Buying art for anyone IS tricky. Aa Moneypenny said — after several a few meet ups in SF and LA, I have a real handle on what she might like. And yet — I would still hesitate.
Although, lets play a game, Moneypenny. How many of these might you actually like?
1) A framed vintage Eames advertisment from the 1960s.
2) A real — not repro — architect’s rendering of a really cool mid century modern house.
3) A 1960s modern water color of a famed but obscure SF landmark.
4) An original Rothko. 😉MoneypennyParticipant
OMG Mark! You have such good taste. I would love any of those frankly. But my preference would be: 1. Mark Rothko (I looove his work); 2. Framed Eames ad (incidentally I have a framed ad for a 1950’s Amelia Earhart luggage set as well as the luggage in the ad!); 3. Rendering of a modernist house; 4. Watercolor landmark.
If I was buying something for you, I’d look for a cool vintage travel poster of a tropical locale- like Bali! 😉SkyblossomParticipant
This reminds me so much of someone I know who loves to crochet. She puts a lot of effort into her crochet and every gift she gives is crochet. Even to teenage boys. She gives them crocheted blankets, meaning she is giving teen boys crocheted afghans. She gives small children crocheted balls. She gives babies crocheted blankets. She gives people crocheted ornaments. Then she complains that the small children don’t seem to know what to do with crocheted balls and that the teen boys seem disappointed with crocheted blankets. She complains about how much time and effort she put into making them and now the recipients don’t seem to like them. Then she does the same thing again and again. If you know that someone doesn’t want what you are giving and you continue to give it that says a lot about you and not much about them. It means you are thoughtless. It means you are so invested in giving what you want to give that you don’t care that they don’t want to receive it. You are trying to force them to like it because it is what you want to give. It doesn’t matter how much effort goes into it if you know the recipient doesn’t want it. The effort and the gifting is all about you. Make the gift about them.MMRGuest
@Skyblossom As a knitter/crocheter myself, I am very aware that not everyone wants 50 things made of yarn. I almost exclusively give baby blankets or crochet animals at baby showers. There was one Christmas when I went back to school and gifted scarves and shawls, but that means I won’t be making scarves for people again. I actually can’t imagine forcing my crafts on people who I know don’t want them.
Grandma – you really need to re-frame how you think of gifts. This should be your new motto: “It’s the thought that counts.”
It’s not thoughtful to completely dismiss your DILs obvious feelings about receiving an endless stream of paintings for you, all under the paper-thin guise of “Well, she’s never told me herself.” It’s ridiculous and you know it. Next time you’re considering a gift for anyone (because I’m going to assume that literally everyone you know has more than enough paintings from you) take the time to actually THINK ABOUT THE OTHER PERSON AND WHAT THEY WANT before you randomly pull something off your bathroom wall.BittergaymarkGuest
Moneypenny: LIAR!! If I gifted you an original Rothko you’d surely auction it off to build a house or at least a tiny condo in SF!! 😉
Yep. A vintage Bali poster would make the cut on my walls..RonGuest
I think the root of the problem is that a lot of FIL’s art hasn’t sold, hence all the paintings available for gifting. He seems very prolific as an artist and undoubtedly some work is going to be better than other work. The best stuff sells or are things he can’t bear to part with in his own lifetime. What is gifted are the lesser works. Grandma sees DIL’s rejection of numerous gifts of paintings and sculpture as a denigration of her husband’s ability as an artist from a new family member she thinks owes him support.
It is no such thing. Taste in art and in establishing the décor of your home are both very individualistic. If your taste goes to representational painting, you aren’t going to enjoy living with a home full of Picasso’s, while if you love the cubists or love the flexibility of smaller paintings, you aren’t going to want to live with six big Turner’s in your house, regardless of how valuable they are or how acclaimed Turner is.
When Grandma stops thinking of DIL’s reaction as the reaction of an extremely important art critic, she will be able to see DIL as a normal person who just wants to decorate her own home to her own taste — a loving relative who may be eager to display one or two of her FIL’s paintings, because of what they represent as the work of her FIL, regardless of how their style fits her individual taste. A dozen or twenty is a lot. They will set what her home looks like.
It’s really not a personal affront, grandma — just a desire for aesthetic independence and adult independence in general. She wants to live in HER home, not in YOUR extension art gallery to house what no longer fits on your own walls.