- This topic has 18 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 5 months ago by LisforLeslie.
- December 30, 2019 at 1:31 pm #868870JadeMartinGuest
I have been with my firm for almost five years and for the first several years thought it was the best job. I planned on staying there for my whole career. Last spring though, one of my senior managers had a miscarriage at the same time she found out about my pregnancy with my second child. In a instant she went from being my best work friend and mentor to an absolute tyrant. She went on angry rants about what a horrible person I am, talked trash about my three year old child, insulted my appearance and yelled at me over the littlest things. For the jobs we worked on together, she found fault with everything and it caused me to work a ton of extra hours in evenings and weekends. The partners at the firm just shrugged their shoulders at her behavior, they are used to her not getting along with others and ultimately I looked bad for complaining. Now I am back from maternity leave and even though I have asked to not work with her they continue to assign work with me and her. I think they see us not getting along as petty girl-fighting not the bullying that it is. The job has otherwise been great and I am nervous that if I leave there wont be any better job options for me. Is my career here repairable? How do I deal with the stress and anxiety of interacting with this woman? Or maybe should I just cut my losses and leave?December 30, 2019 at 1:53 pm #868872
I mean, unfortunately you work at a place where senior management doesn’t take it seriously when a manager is making mean personal remarks to an employee and yells at them. That’s the reality. Your options would now be to either see if you can work it out directly with your manager or look for another job (ideally both simultaneously).
I have to say, I’m having trouble understanding how just your professional notification of your pregnancy could cause that dramatic of a 180 in your manager’s behavior toward you. I’m guessing there may be more to the story.
Complaining about her to the partners maybe wasn’t the best move either. I don’t know if I even know of a situation where someone complained about their boss and it turned out well. Unfortunately it tends to reflect poorly on you, while pissing off your boss.
If you really want to keep the job, I’d see how you can potentially alter your behavior to neutralize her response to you. She knows she can do this stuff with impunity, but maybe you can just decide, eh, she’s like this with everyone, I’m not gonna take it personally, just put my head down and do my work the best I can. Don’t talk to her about personal stuff. Apply for other jobs.December 30, 2019 at 2:11 pm #868878Miss MJGuest
I’d find another job, tbh. Keep the peace until then, but this situation isn’t going to get better.December 30, 2019 at 3:15 pm #868889Part-time LurkerGuest
I know the timing of her miscarriage and your pregnancy announcement seem like they’re directly linked her abusive behavior and maybe they are, but have you ever politely asked her point blank why she suddenly seems to be so critical of your work and generally unhappy with your work product? Is it possible that there’s something else going on here? I.E., she wasn’t super impressed with your performance before but didn’t address it for whatever reason and now she just doesn’t have the patience to keep quiet; or her hormones and emotions are crazy out of control due to the miscarriage….honestly I can envision dozens of reasons that this could be happening. I think you just need to have a calm, polite one-on-one with her to find out what’s going on. I’d also begin quietly looking for another job, but that’s just me. Once a management team shows me that they are willing to tolerate bad behavior, I’m done.December 30, 2019 at 3:54 pm #868906HelenGuest
Get out as quickly as possible. This isn’t going to get better. You need to get out before you get so used to a toxic work environment you carry it with you to other jobs, or you meltdown and blow up at work. She’s making your job harder, and worse, trashing your reputation. Document everything she does in an objective manner just in case you need to clear your nameDecember 31, 2019 at 11:40 am #869075JadeMartinGuest
Thanks everyone for your input. I think you are right and I just started applying to new jobs today.December 31, 2019 at 5:18 pm #869128LisforLeslieGuest
Leave leave leave. Record all of your transactions. Do not forward mails to a private account, but print emails and move them to a safe location. Protect yourself as much as you can but get out as fast as possible. This will not get better.December 31, 2019 at 5:18 pm #869129LisforLeslieGuest
Leave leave leave. Record all of your transactions. Do not forward mails to a private account, but print emails and move them to a safe location. Protect yourself as much as you can but get out as fast as possible. This will not get better.December 31, 2019 at 6:31 pm #869137
Here’s the thing though. I think I could stick this out if the money was good. I have a very thick skin and high tolerance for crazy.December 31, 2019 at 6:51 pm #869139OracleGuest
Only going to get worse. Leave as soon as possible. She may be setting you up to get fired. As has been said before document, document.December 31, 2019 at 7:48 pm #869148
A couple of people have said “document,” but don’t bother. There’s no point to that in this situation. You already brought this to mgmts attn and they laughed at you, so that’s not going to accomplish jack shit.
If this was potentially a discrimination thing and you could bring it to the attn of the state commission on discrimination… but it’s not. Stick it out or find a new job.December 31, 2019 at 9:53 pm #869166LisforLeslieGuest
I should have clarified that the emails are not about filing a wrongful termination or harassment case, just back up if you’ve been instructed to do certain things and the boss claims you misunderstood or whatever. Especially if she’s asking you to act unethically or illegally.