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Dealing with a bully for a boss

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  • This topic has 18 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 2 weeks, 1 day ago by avatarLisforLeslie.
Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 19 total)
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  • #868870 Reply
    avatarJadeMartin
    Guest

    I have been with my firm for almost five years and for the first several years thought it was the best job. I planned on staying there for my whole career. Last spring though, one of my senior managers had a miscarriage at the same time she found out about my pregnancy with my second child. In a instant she went from being my best work friend and mentor to an absolute tyrant. She went on angry rants about what a horrible person I am, talked trash about my three year old child, insulted my appearance and yelled at me over the littlest things. For the jobs we worked on together, she found fault with everything and it caused me to work a ton of extra hours in evenings and weekends. The partners at the firm just shrugged their shoulders at her behavior, they are used to her not getting along with others and ultimately I looked bad for complaining. Now I am back from maternity leave and even though I have asked to not work with her they continue to assign work with me and her. I think they see us not getting along as petty girl-fighting not the bullying that it is. The job has otherwise been great and I am nervous that if I leave there wont be any better job options for me. Is my career here repairable? How do I deal with the stress and anxiety of interacting with this woman? Or maybe should I just cut my losses and leave?

    #868872 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    I mean, unfortunately you work at a place where senior management doesn’t take it seriously when a manager is making mean personal remarks to an employee and yells at them. That’s the reality. Your options would now be to either see if you can work it out directly with your manager or look for another job (ideally both simultaneously).

    I have to say, I’m having trouble understanding how just your professional notification of your pregnancy could cause that dramatic of a 180 in your manager’s behavior toward you. I’m guessing there may be more to the story.

    Complaining about her to the partners maybe wasn’t the best move either. I don’t know if I even know of a situation where someone complained about their boss and it turned out well. Unfortunately it tends to reflect poorly on you, while pissing off your boss.

    If you really want to keep the job, I’d see how you can potentially alter your behavior to neutralize her response to you. She knows she can do this stuff with impunity, but maybe you can just decide, eh, she’s like this with everyone, I’m not gonna take it personally, just put my head down and do my work the best I can. Don’t talk to her about personal stuff. Apply for other jobs.

    #868878 Reply
    avatarMiss MJ
    Guest

    I’d find another job, tbh. Keep the peace until then, but this situation isn’t going to get better.

    #868889 Reply
    avatarPart-time Lurker
    Guest

    I know the timing of her miscarriage and your pregnancy announcement seem like they’re directly linked her abusive behavior and maybe they are, but have you ever politely asked her point blank why she suddenly seems to be so critical of your work and generally unhappy with your work product? Is it possible that there’s something else going on here? I.E., she wasn’t super impressed with your performance before but didn’t address it for whatever reason and now she just doesn’t have the patience to keep quiet; or her hormones and emotions are crazy out of control due to the miscarriage….honestly I can envision dozens of reasons that this could be happening. I think you just need to have a calm, polite one-on-one with her to find out what’s going on. I’d also begin quietly looking for another job, but that’s just me. Once a management team shows me that they are willing to tolerate bad behavior, I’m done.

    #868906 Reply
    avatarHelen
    Guest

    Get out as quickly as possible. This isn’t going to get better. You need to get out before you get so used to a toxic work environment you carry it with you to other jobs, or you meltdown and blow up at work. She’s making your job harder, and worse, trashing your reputation. Document everything she does in an objective manner just in case you need to clear your name

    #869075 Reply
    avatarJadeMartin
    Guest

    Thanks everyone for your input. I think you are right and I just started applying to new jobs today.

    #869128 Reply
    avatarLisforLeslie
    Guest

    Leave leave leave. Record all of your transactions. Do not forward mails to a private account, but print emails and move them to a safe location. Protect yourself as much as you can but get out as fast as possible. This will not get better.

    #869129 Reply
    avatarLisforLeslie
    Guest

    Leave leave leave. Record all of your transactions. Do not forward mails to a private account, but print emails and move them to a safe location. Protect yourself as much as you can but get out as fast as possible. This will not get better.

    #869137 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    Here’s the thing though. I think I could stick this out if the money was good. I have a very thick skin and high tolerance for crazy.

    #869139 Reply
    avatarOracle
    Guest

    Only going to get worse. Leave as soon as possible. She may be setting you up to get fired. As has been said before document, document.

    #869148 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    A couple of people have said “document,” but don’t bother. There’s no point to that in this situation. You already brought this to mgmts attn and they laughed at you, so that’s not going to accomplish jack shit.

    If this was potentially a discrimination thing and you could bring it to the attn of the state commission on discrimination… but it’s not. Stick it out or find a new job.

    #869166 Reply
    avatarLisforLeslie
    Guest

    I should have clarified that the emails are not about filing a wrongful termination or harassment case, just back up if you’ve been instructed to do certain things and the boss claims you misunderstood or whatever. Especially if she’s asking you to act unethically or illegally.

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