Denied chance to pursue any my interest. How should I work around this?

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  • Vicki Lawrence
    April 8, 2024 at 8:31 pm #1128769

    Hello all.
    I am fifteen and live in a family of ten. We stay at home alot as we’re all homeschooled due to my mom thinks other kids are horrible and will somehow influence us…
    Despite all this and more, I am quite talented and have many interests as far as what I am doing with myself.
    I need experience though, as these interests such all involve animals and connection, and all requires knowledge BY experience.
    I can’t just watch YouTube or something!

    Over a semester, I sourced several available volunteer jobs. All were excellent, except one was an hours drive, but it was the closest in our area. Im a very quiet kid, I have never asked for a thing, and I don’t expect my parents to pay for anything.
    It took effort to approach them to ask for something I didn’t need, I it makes me feel guilty, what with all the children and all.
    Now then, I asked my them about it (one thing at a time).

    A flat NO.

    Why does it look like they aren’t even considering, and it seems almost like they don’t care what I become, because of I don’t start now, I’ll be a nothing or something all my life. And will never fulfil my dreams. I guess we can’t afford to get around and I have two baby brothers also.

    What should I do. Forget my dreams and move on? Pick something else, that I probably not enjoy doing.. Because I don’t think they’ll even try to work something out. Do my parents even care about me? My life is looking real bland.

    — V.

    April 9, 2024 at 4:33 am #1128771

    My mom told me a story about her grandmother who grew up on a farm and was super smart and wanted to go to college but her dad said no way. He didn’t think women needed education. So she went to a neighbor and asked for help. I forget the details here but the point is the neighbor was going to help her go to college and that shamed her dad into saying no no, he’d pay for it. So she went to college and became an engineer, or at least studied to be one, before she obviously got married and had kids and that was that because women couldn’t really be anything.

    My point is, you may have to do something a lot more creative here and work much harder to achieve your dreams than a kid who isn’t one of ten with parents who have weird ideas. Do you go to church or have contact with any other families or adults? Can you start telling people how much you want to do whatever it is, be a veterinarian, and you found volunteer jobs but you need help with transportation? Can you get in touch with someone at these volunteer organizations and tell them how much you want to work for them, and why, but you need help with transportation and is there any way they can help? Are there buses or anything in your area?

    Is there any way you can volunteer at something closer to home like your local vet’s office or animal shelter or a farm? Do you see what I mean? You might have to write heartfelt letters or emails and get sympathy and support. Call or write to local businesses that you could get to on a bike or a bus or on foot and tell them you want to work for volunteer experience. You could write one essay and then use the core of it in all your communications, just tailor the greeting and intro to whom you’re writing.

    • This reply was modified 1 month, 1 week ago by Kate.
    • This reply was modified 1 month, 1 week ago by Kate.
    April 9, 2024 at 4:52 am #1128773

    You have to think about the long game too. If this summer you could get ANYONE to let you do some volunteer work, then suddenly you’ve got experience that you can use in your letters and applications for next year. And you’ve got contacts who could make introductions for you. I would also see if you can take any classes online or local community center that would help you as well. You know, like animal care. I’m thinking like how a kid that wants to babysit would take childcare and first aid/CPR classes.

    April 9, 2024 at 7:21 am #1128775

    There are many, many people who don’t get a head start at fifteen because of situations like this. A few years ago, a great book about a woman who grew up in a sheltered family who eventually went to Oxford University on a full scholarship in the UK came out. Her parents were religious/abusive and did not allow her many privileges or opportunities. She made them herself. The book is called, Educated by Tara Westover. You may have to work hard, but in a few years, you’ll be able to leave the family and do everything your way. Good luck and don’t lose hope. It’s only a few years.

    April 9, 2024 at 7:45 am #1128778

    Also wondering if you have any older siblings who have any independence, maybe a car, who would be sympathetic to you and help you? Maybe in exchange for some service you could provide them?

    I do see how an hour each way could be a no-go for your parents, that’s too long a commute even for adults choosing a job and a place to live. But a combo of something closer and maybe someone with a car? Could be more realistic.

    April 9, 2024 at 8:22 am #1128779

    While some interests can only be done live and in person, I’m sure there are different opportunities out there that are more virtual in nature. I’m hoping that you don’t have to go an hour away to find other people. How far are you from your local town center? It sounds like your primary interest is perhaps getting away from home or seeing what’s beyond the restrictions set by your parents. Can’t lie – it’s a good reason. So what are your interests?

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    April 9, 2024 at 9:55 am #1128780

    I’m curious what your dream job is, exactly, because most careers do not hinge on the experience you get when you are 15. I’m not saying it’s bad to get experience by any means — it’s a great way to find out if you are actually like doing what you think you are interested in and looks good on applications for higher ed/future jobs — but it won’t make the difference between your having your dream career and being “a nothing.” I do think it’s great that you are future-oriented and thinking about a life beyond the confines of your home schooling environment.

    Were I you, I’d be more focused on the education you’ll need post-grad to get where you want to go and trying to earn/save money for when you are able to make your own decisions. If you want to be a veterinarian, that path will include a four-year degree where you will take science-heavy courses, followed by vet school (notoriously difficult, btw). If you want to be a vet tech, that’s an AA degree. Maybe you have a totally different career in mind, but you’ll still want to figure out the education people need to get where you want to go. How are your grades and standardized test scores? Are you interested in the sciences and do you excel at them? Have you started looking up whether your homeschooling curriculum meets the criteria for universities and community colleges in your state? Now would be the time to figure out how to close those gaps.

    BTW, some animal shelters have remote volunteer positions. It wouldn’t be working directly with animals, but could be stuff like processing adoption applications, digital communications, etc.

    Good luck.

    April 10, 2024 at 5:28 pm #1128801

    There will be plenty of time to get experience… most kids start their post school work experience while they are in college, so don’t fret on that stand point. Why not focus on what you need to do to get some independence? Are there any paid jobs you can take and save ALL the money for a used car when you are 16? That way next year you can drive yourself to these opportunities.

    Copa’s advice about the long game is spot on… start figuring out your educational needs and how to get what you need as cheap as possible. For example find the university you want to go to and then figure out what community college credits transfer and go to community college for the first two years.

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Denied chance to pursue any my interest. How should I work around this?

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