Depression spiral with no job and new bf who wants to care for me financially

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  • Gummy worm
    November 14, 2022 at 7:10 pm #1116851

    I’m a 20 year old girl currently living with my mom and siblings. My mom makes barely enough money to feed all of us as it is and rent has now gone up. I want to help but I’m also struggling to manage my depression and anxiety. It’s spiraling so bad that I kept denying it and pretending it didn’t exist. Now, I can’t hold a job because it’s hard to concentrate and put things together in my mind. During this time feeling lost, I resorted to dating apps. I’m now talking to this guy who’s recently divorced (26), he’s not legally divorced though, and he wants a relationship. (As do I) He wants to help me and take care of me by paying for expenses and debt I have accumulated this year. He’s a logical, sweet, and caring man. I just feel that he’s moving too fast and as am I. I don’t want to be codependent on someone and become a burden to him. I like being independent and working for myself. I just know based on how bad I’m spiraling I can’t hold a job. I’m not sure what I should do, he can help me and my situation but I want to help my family as well.

    November 14, 2022 at 7:51 pm #1116853

    Oh no no no. This guy is a huge walking red flag. In no world or universe is he going to help you financially. He’d blowing smoke up your ass so you’ll sleep with him. That’s it. He’s a married man trolling dating sites looking for vulnerable women to try out his fantasy bullshit on for attention and validation.

    I feel like if you can handle dating apps, you can handle a job. Whose health insurance are you on? Go to a doctor and tell them what’s going on with you. Get treatment for your anxiety.

    Dating apps are not the answer and this guy is 200009% full of shit.

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    November 14, 2022 at 11:09 pm #1116864

    Your gut feeling that something is amiss with this guy is spot on.

    If you’re spiraling, you should not be actively online dating. It’ll make you more vulnerable to the creeps (like this guy). You’ll want to get your head straight first, with the help of a mental health professional if needed. Once you’re in a good head space, you’ll be far better suited for the dating scene and able to attract an equally healthy partner.

    November 15, 2022 at 7:59 am #1116867

    Yes, he doesn’t want to do this out of the kindness of his heart. This is a business transaction and you’re the product. If you want to increase your depression and anxiety, by all means put all of your eggs in the basket of a man who can take everything away on a whim.

    If you have depression and anxiety that is so crippling that you can’t function, you need to reach out to services that may be able to help.

    November 15, 2022 at 8:22 am #1116881

    I agree with what’s been said, he’s trolling sites looking for vulnerable young women. And that’s you. You are very vulnerable. Men hunt for girls like you, in precarious positions who just need some money to help their family. Do not.

    If you can handle dating apps, you can handle a job, I promise you. There are even app based dog/cat sitting jobs where you probably don’t have to interact with people much and you get paid. Nannying or babysitting can also be very lucrative because all of us parents going back to work cannot find childcare and will pay $$$ for someone who isn’t on their phone constantly and actually speaks to my kids. Even retail around me is hiring with $15+/hour. The fancy grocery store is hiring at $18/hr.

    Random men on apps are not who to turn to when you need financial help.

    November 15, 2022 at 8:24 am #1116882

    He’s not going to give you any financial help, either sincerely or transactionally. That is all lies.

    November 15, 2022 at 8:24 am #1116883

    Does your mother qualify for services if she has a house full of dependents? Is she getting benefits? I know paperwork can be a pain in the ass but it wouldn’t hurt to try.

    November 15, 2022 at 8:38 am #1116884

    @Kate – I think he might actually provide financial help, but if he does, there will be strings attached. I would expect any money or financial help given to be a part of a love-bomb package. It will be used to inflict guilt and other manipulations down the line.

    Either way, I agree with Kate and the others. Avoid this walking red flag factory.

    November 15, 2022 at 8:47 am #1116885

    He wants to essentially pay you for sex. It may not seem so, maybe he’ll make it sound prettier than that, maybe he’ll “date” you first, but if he’s already said he wants to help you financially, he’s expecting sex in exchange. He’s not running a charity, he’s on an app.

    November 15, 2022 at 9:05 am #1116886

    Avoid this guy and seek medical help for your depression and anxiety.

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Depression spiral with no job and new bf who wants to care for me financially

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