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Dear Wendy

Diagnosis – share or keep quiet?

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  • #962235 Reply
    avatarTell or No?
    Guest

    I was diagnosed today with HPV and Had to to have a painful procedure done. I know who gave it to me. I’m sure he didn’t mean to, however, he did. It’s been over a year since we broke up. I am inclined to tell him so he can practice safer sex and get tested. Thinking of writing him a letter as I no longer have his phone number. Thoughts?
    Thank you.

    #962241 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    Yes, you should tell him.

    #962243 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    Yeah, tell him. He won’t care or probably change his behavior, but sure, it’s the right thing to do.

    This happened to me, I told the guy, I doubt he did anything differently as a result, but I felt like he should know.

    #962254 Reply
    avatarTui
    Participant

    The thing with HPV is that most of the time it is cleared by the body in a few months, so he might not even have it anymore. Pretty much anyone who has ever had sex has been exposed to one or more types of HPV.

    Only the high risk ones are tested for that are potentially oncogenic (causes pre-cancer and cancer). Anal, mouth and throat cancers are often HPV related. It’s not something that’s prevented by using condoms like other STIs (except genital herpes, which is another infection that people may not know they have as around 50% of people with it are asymptomatic and never have an outbreak). Our only prevention is never having sex or vaccination like Gardasil, and cervical screening picks up pre-cancer changes that may need treatment.

    It can actually take months to years from HPV infection to having an abnormal smear, so you can’t assume it came from one particular person unless you’ve had negative high risk HPV screening previously.

    #962255 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    To be clear, I told the guy because I had a wart and was kind of annoyed about that. 18 years of being sexually active and never any problem whatsoever, and then suddenly I have a genital wart. I didn’t take an annoyed tone when I called him, I just let him know I had HPV and a wart.

    #962258 Reply
    avatarHelen
    Guest

    80% of sexually active adults have HPV. This is why the HPV vaccine is given to 11 years olds. Gotta inoculate them before they have sex even once. There is no test to test males for the virus. This isn’t an earthshattering diagnosis or revelation. You could’ve had the virus for years without having an outbreak, you can’t know when you picked it up. Not sure if you should tell him or not. Is this person still in your life? Is this person out of your life and you’re searching for a reason to establish contact again?

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