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Did he cheat??

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  • #964735 Reply

    Today, a child told me my fiance cheated on me! Should I give him the benefit of the doubt? I’ve been with my partner just over a year, I am living abroad and met him here, earlier this year due to the pandemic I had to fly back home for a family emergency, I just returned a little over 2 weeks ago, the place where I am living is new to me, my boyfriend moved here early October. Today whilst outside, a neighbours child got talking to me, and innocently mentioned that my boyfriend had a lady ‘friend’ staying and sleeping over before I got back, and she left around halloween time. Now, to me, that seems like cheating, when her mother came, I asked her if my boyfriend had had a woman staying with him and she said no, but I sensed something strange in her response and I am sure I noticed her giving her little girl a look when she got to the top of the stairs. 20 minutes later, the little girl came back, out of the blue and completely unprovoked by me she says she was confused and started speaking about a yoga teacher but I stopped her and told her it’s OK, and to remember it’s always good to tell the truth! My boyfriend arrived hearing the end of our conversation. I left it there. I continued hanging my washing as if nothing happened. I didn’t know what to do. There was an event happening, a cooking class, everyone was there including the mother and her little girl, after half an hour or so I approach my boyfriend and tell him we need to talk. We go inside, I tell him I know about the woman he had been sleeping with before i came back, I watch his response, his head tilts back and to the side with a look of confusion. I tell him I know and that he needs to admit it but he doesn’t, I can’t remember exactly how the conversation went but after a few minutes I told him that someone told me, he asks who obviously, then I tell him it came from the mouth of an innocent, then he says ‘oh, what the little girl said, that’s what you are on about, as if he already knew she had told me, as if maybe the mother might have mentioned something to him maybe?? But if he already knew then why had he let half an hour pass and not even mention it to me? I told him if he already knew what had happened and he was innocent then he most definitely would have came to me straight away to sort it out, but he didn’t! He didn’t answer but kept speaking about whatever we were speaking about before, a few minutes later I mentioned it and ask him how he knew it was the little girl who told me without me mentioning anything, he said he realised it was the little girl because he had heard the end of our conversation and me saying it came from the mouth of an innocent and so he put 2 and 2 together. Anyway, after a long, long conversation and him professing his love for me, I decided on this occasion to give the benefit of the doubt. Am I stupid to do this?

    #964736 Reply

    It’s really interesting to me that you immediately believed what this child said. How old is the kid? She said that, and you believed it.

    That tells me that you don’t trust your bf. I can’t tell you if he cheated, if she made it up or not, but the bottom line is … why don’t you trust him?

    Kids make stuff up. But they also tell the truth, a lot of times. I would trust your instinct in this case.

    Use protection.

    #964740 Reply

    I think anonymousse is right and your gut is telling you he cheated/is cheating, which is why you instinctively believed this.

    It’s possible this child is making this up, but I think it’s more likely they were telling the truth. I would say it could have been a misunderstanding but no explanation has been offered.

    He has no compelling explanation, and his reaction to the accusation is really…it seems off to me.

    #964875 Reply

    A little murky —

    You’ve been long distance for at least half the time you’ve been together?
    Did you move in together?

    The most important part is that if you believe he cheated, then you don’t trust him. It doesn’t seem as though you’ve known him that long? i.e., long enough to trust him, to see his character. I could maaaaaaybe seeing moving in after a year of consistent dating, but if half of it was spent apart — that’s too soon to really know someone.

    #966164 Reply

    You sound very distrustful of your boyfriend. I find it strange that you accused him at once on the basis of a child’s statement. Why not simply ask him the question?
    Anyway, you don’t sound very close. You hardly spent time with him, if I understand well. You were long distance for a good while. So perhaps the relationship was not really exclusive. I think I would ask the mother again for clarity. And I would consider the possibility that the boyfriend did have an other relationship during the period you weren’t together.

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