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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Did I do a terrible thing?

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice Did I do a terrible thing?

Viewing 12 posts - 25 through 36 (of 128 total)
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  • #1097615 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    You do have someone else to call. HER. And why would you be afraid of someone who thought you were a friend? This story’s getting cuckoo.

    #1097616 Reply
    Idk2021
    Guest

    I already tried to take the dog to the shelter and have them contact her. They refused to take the dog because I told them if she didn’t come get him I would adopt him. Considering she has no car and no house the odds of her getting to him were slim
    And the the shelter told me they are overfilled and if I am able to care for him I should.

    I also mentioned in an above comment that the plan was to take her to a local homeless organization on Monday because they were not open on the day I met her.

    And Kate you didn’t meet this girl so you don’t know what type of person she is, calling me ridiculous is completely unhelpful.

    #1097618 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Just call her and offer her dog back and to meet in a public place. Done. If she says no, then you no longer need to question if you’ve done the right thing. You no longer worry about her kicking your ass because you are not holding onto her dog. You’re good.

    #1097619 Reply
    Phoebe
    Guest

    I’m terribly naive here, but are there local services that could be called for advice/help about this? I think that even though mistakes were made the OP meant well. Her instincts were to help a person and a dog. She wasn’t professionally trained to know what to do, but she tried.

    #1097620 Reply
    Copa
    Participant

    So I can appreciate LW’s wanting to help and not trusting the police. I support reallocating police funds so that they go to organizations/people who can help in situations like this where there are mental health, addiction, drug issues, etc. But I have had to call 911 before on someone who was unhinged and got inside my boyfriend’s old condo building. It really felt like the best solution knowing I was not trained to help in any other way. And for whatever it’s worth, everything was handled well (the cops came, assessed the situation, and called an ambulance that then took her to the hospital).

    LW, I had the same thought as @Phoebe about maybe reaching out to a local organization that might have a better idea of what you should do. I also think if you meet up to give her dog back, you can do it publicly and bring someone with you if you doing so makes you feel unsafe. I agree you’re probably the more stable owner, but like it or not, you got involved where it realllly wasn’t your place to do so and the dog isn’t yours.

    #1097621 Reply
    Idk2021
    Guest

    I won’t be calling her. I won’t be meeting her anywhere alone or with a friend. I feel incredibly guilty but I am also way too scared of her. Y’all weren’t there and you don’t understand what she is like. I think Phoebe and Coda are onto something.
    Maybe I should give her info to the shelter I wanted to set her up with in the first place? Maybe I could ask them what to do with the dog as well?

    #1097623 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Are you okay? A shelter is not going to track down a random person whose contact info you give them.

    Please do not continue to try to help people in a personal capacity. Satisfy that urge by working with an organization that has procedures you can follow.

    You’re doing the wrong thing by keeping her dog and refusing to get in touch with her. Seriously. But if you insist, and you don’t want to keep the dog, then call around until you find a shelter that can take a highly adoptable small puppy. This is NOT like surrendering a pit bull, there are people waiting in line for dogs like this. You tried one shelter. Please get it together and do something that’s at least good for the dog.

    #1097624 Reply
    Ele4phant
    Guest

    Well you know what they say about good intentions…

    Girl, you got way to involved here in the first place. You were not equipped to help this woman, and it blew up in your face.

    That said, you need to do what you can to get this dog back to her. It’s not your dog.

    And going forward, do not jump in to be people’s saviors. Again, you had the best of intentions but ultimately you were not helpful to her. Take that kind heartedness into volunteering time or money to organizations that ARE accustomed to helping the homeless and or mentally ill. Maybe collect the numbers of different social services you could call if you ever find yourself interacting with and wanting to help another person in a similar situation.

    #1097625 Reply
    Ele4phant
    Guest

    Also – if I’m not mistaken Kate lives in a big us city which has, as basically all big us liberal cities have right now, a pretty big issue with homelessness.

    I’m quite sure she can imagine what this young woman is like and what you’re dealing with.

    You were incredibly naive and you put yourself, this woman, and her dog in this situation. That’s on you.

    You morally cannot keep her dog. If you absolutely cannot bear to do the right thing and try to contact her and get her companion back to her, the best you can do is surrender it to a shelter.

    Honestly – I know policing has a lot of issues and yeah, maybe not the best to contact them in a mental health emergency – but the picture is more nuanced than the media portrays, you know? Does your local police force have a community police team? This is going to be different officers than those on the beat that respond to 911 calls – they will be officers whose job it is to engage the community, all members. They may know her and be able to help get her dog back to her.

    But please, use your head from now on. You created this mess. You need to figure out how to clean it up.

    #1097626 Reply
    Karebear1813
    Participant

    The police ARE the best people to contact during a mental health crisis if the person is sucidual/homicidal and having erratic behaviors because they are the only ones that have the LEGAL ABILTIY to FORCIAIBLLY make someone go the hospital against their will. Social workers nor mental health crisis works have this ability nor the training and/or resources to do so. And quite frankly, I know alot of these people, they do not want this responsibility. It is to much of a risk and a liability.

    Law enforcements every where deal with these situations on a daily bases if not multiple times a day.

    This whole anticop things just pisses me off. Perhaps walk a mile in their shoes, volunteer, and hell, maybe even join the force and turn what you think is a negative into a positive since you seem to know it all.

    Also it’s not just a moral issue that she cannot keep the dog, it is a legal issue. She has no rights to this persons property that she took even if assuming the dog will have a better life.

    #1097627 Reply
    Copa
    Participant

    Yeahhh, I think you can call and ask what you can do next (not sure what kind of response you’re going to get), but nobody is going to try to track this woman down on your behalf and clean up your mess for you.

    I live in a big city and see people who are mentally unwell, on drugs, etc. fairly often. My boyfriend texted me last week while I was out walking our dog alone to let me know that he had heard some commotion and looked outside to see an unhinged guy screaming and chasing a woman down our block, so he wanted me to be extra vigilant. I can absolutely imagine what this woman was like, which is why I think it was not smart to intervene in the first place, even if it was coming from a good place. The safety issue was always there.

    Anyway, I hope you figure this one out because yeah, you did make kind of a mess of things where it wasn’t your place.

    #1097628 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    True, Ele4phant, there are lots of troubled folks even in my immediate neighborhood near the T stop. People with mental health problems, using drugs, etc. and I’ve seen people having an episode and screaming. Someone like this woman is certainly not always going to be aggressive/angry. It sounds like she was friendly up until she lost her shit at 1am.

    The thing is, LW, you unfortunately put her in that position to be having an episode and cursing at people. As good as your intentions were, you put her in that place, without her dog, where she flipped out.

    It’s so simple to just text her and ask if she’s okay and would she like her dog back. She’s a human being.

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