Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Did I do a terrible thing?

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice Did I do a terrible thing?

Viewing 12 posts - 37 through 48 (of 128 total)
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  • #1097629 Reply
    ele4phant
    Guest

    Yeah – I mean, let’s not understate how distablizing it must have been for this woman to have been put in a strange place without her one companion.

    Like, no shit she lost her shit. While you were not the cause of her mental instability, you very well may have precipated this specific freakout.

    And yeah, policing in America is not perfect, not by a long shot. But at the very least they will have more experience *than you* dealing with people in a mental crisis.

    #1097630 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    I honestly would probably hesitate to call the police on a person of color, but I mean if the police are already on the way, and especially if it’s a white person, I would let them deal with it. Last year some guy was out of control trying to follow a woman into our building late at night and was screaming and throwing things and seriously scaring me. My husband checked it out through the window and said it was a skinny white guy. I was like, call the cops! They didn’t even arrest him, even though he was being violent and throwing stuff around. They talked him down, took him to the hospital and let him go.

    #1097633 Reply
    Idk2021
    Guest

    It’s interesting to me that from the perspective of people who weren’t there, because y’all live in cities and have been in the vicinity of drug addicts and mentally ill people before you think you know EXACTLY what happened that night. Unless you have been in my exact situation how could you even compare? Especially @kate who has been throwing out condescending and rude commentary the whole time asking me questions like “why would you be scared of her if she thought you were a friend?” Leads me to believe they’ve never even spoken to schizophrenic who can literally snap on a dime. If I say I’m scared then I’m scared. I wasn’t initially but things change. The crazy thing is Kate, you made your opinion clear In your 3rd post and I asked to hear from others but you continue to comment, try to discredit my story and throw in insults along the way. I came here for advice which I thankfully got from some of the other people in the forum. I’ve been following this forum for years and I have to be honest I cringe at everything Kate says. I wish there was a way to block her from commenting because it’s clear she gets off on being mean.

    Thank you to Everyone who was helpful. I really appreciate it.

    #1097634 Reply
    Moneypenny
    Participant

    I live in a city with a large homeless population (SF) and the city has a homeless outreach team who will come and talk to the person and try to help them get services. It takes a lot of the responsibility away from the police and the outreach team is better equipped to get the person help. Otherwise if they’re having a mental problem they’d be taken to the ER, where, if the person doesn’t want to take their medication, there isn’t really much that can be done. Rinse, repeat.
    In this situation, this is what I’d do. Text her a list of services that OP can find in her area- shelters, women’s services, social workers. Take the dog to a no-kill shelter and tell her where the dog is. That’s really all you can do. I don’t think the OP did a terrible thing, it just was more than they could handle and should not have gotten so involved. But here we are.

    #1097635 Reply
    Idk2021
    Guest

    Also me and the woman in question are both POC just so you know

    #1097636 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Figured you had, lol. (Been following this forum for years).

    • This reply was modified 1 week, 3 days ago by Kate.
    #1097638 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Could tell right away you knew me. Pretty sure I recognized you too, immediately, and now I know.

    #1097641 Reply
    Copa
    Participant

    My only point about being in a big city where I routinely see people who are mentally unstable or acting erratically is that there are safety issues at play. You simply can’t know what’s going on with them, if they might snap or be dangerous, etc. Like the man who chased someone down my street. I never claimed to know exactly what happened, I’m just surprised that you got involved despite the safety issue (moreso now that it’s clear you do understand some people can snap on a dime). But you did insert yourself into a situation and now there are unfortunately no great solutions out there. The simplest one, you have no interest in.

    #1097642 Reply
    anonymousse
    Participant

    I also think it’s incredibly cruel to basically steal this woman’s dog and then block her so she can’t even contact you to get it back. Often mentally ill, poor and homeless people can and do take care of their pets. Maybe not the best ways we all would want for them, but better than being in a kill shelter or something, right? You don’t know her story, if she’s all alone in the world or what. You picked her up off the street and she lost it.

    Yes. That’s the answer to your post title. And you know what you did is arguably wrong. The system is horribly dysfunctional and she may not be able to take care of that dog, but you stole this poor lady’s pet. No way around that. And you have no idea if she s living at a halfway house or has people caring for her or not. Please unblock her and give her the dog back. Find another shelter, there has to be more than one. And text her where to pick it up. Meet her outside a police station with friends for backup if it comes to it and you are actually scared of her.

    #1097643 Reply
    Ele4phant
    Guest

    I think people’s point to you is that while well intentioned – you are unqualified to assess what kind of help someone needs and ultimately it is impact, not intent that matters.

    And the impact I’m afraid is that this woman is worse off for your intervention. She went through a traumatic night in the motel room and she was separated – and remains so – from what might be her only source of stability and constancy.

    You are responsible for that. Channel that well intended energy into supporting organizations that *are* qualified to do these kinds of assessments and offer help, and do not intervene in individual cases in the future. You just aren’t qualified to make judgements about what to do.

    #1097644 Reply
    FYI
    Guest

    Well, this was the kicker for me:
    “The money I gave her was the last dime from my account until I get paid again.”
    I am so sorry to say, but this is not altruism. It’s something else. Codependency maybe or martyrdom or something. She likely never even made it to the second hotel. I’m just wondering why you aren’t thinking through your decisions, that’s all. It seems like you hurriedly gave a very unstable person all your money, to no benefit. Why?

    This may upset you, but I do think you should seek some counseling, because I can’t imagine that this is the only time that screwy boundaries made a mess of things. Now you have a dog that’s not yours, and you’re out $500.

    #1097645 Reply
    anonymousse
    Participant

    Stealing someone’s pet is actually a crime. Mentally ill houseless people are still entitled to have belongings and pets and basic human rights.

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