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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Did I do a terrible thing?

Home Forums Advice & Chat Did I do a terrible thing?

Viewing 12 posts - 73 through 84 (of 128 total)
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  • #1097763 Reply
    Avatar photoCopa
    Participant

    Sure, I’ve made mistakes. Quite a few! But I’ve never made a mistake that ended with me being in possession of someone else’s property.

    And yes, I help people! I volunteer through organizations I care about and/or donate money to them. I have offered food, money, and/or things like the gloves off my hands or hat off my head to the homeless. I don’t drain my bank account, make rash decisions, or try to handle their issues by myself. I have no business trying to help in this way.

    I also wondered if this was made up because just about every decision you made after realizing that this woman made you feel unsafe was irrational.

    I’m glad you contacted that woman and hope she gets her dog back. I also hope you will spend more time focusing on yourself and your own issues and less time taking other people’s problems into your own hands.

    #1097764 Reply
    Idk2021
    Guest

    The first time ever actually. I was unprepared

    #1097765 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Do you get that giving cash to people on the street can actually be harmful? If it’s enough to go buy a substance they’re addicted to? Without knowing their issues, that could be dangerous.

    #1097766 Reply
    Peggy
    Guest

    Hi L.W. I tend to believe you had good motives and are mostly truthful here,yet I think your reactions/actions were bizarrely over the top.

    In my neighborhood there are sad cases aplenty. I have seen young women without pants or underwear. People that can barely walk upright, they are so spaced out on drugs and are flailing around. People that try to reach our balcony so they can jump off it to their likely death.

    It is heartbreaking, but never have I given them any money let alone a ton of money, taken their things or personally interacted with them. And yes they can be dangerous and beyond help in many cases. Cases that even the police can only do “so much” about. Patterns that repeat themselves again and again.

    I do call police/help, when people seem a danger to themselves or may harm others, whether intentionally or inadvertently. I think your judgement was very poor indeed. Glad you are seeing a therapist.

    #1097767 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Your therapist isn’t supposed to tell you what to do, but look, if you’re going weekly then I assume you are dealing with some pretty substantial things right now. You’re “going through it.” It seems like you’re taking actions that are not in your own, or others’ best interest. You have irrational fears. You unintentionally committed a crime. That is a lot to unpack and work through… those patterns of behavior. Definitely enough to focus on there, and if you have extra money you can always donate it to reputable community groups. Or buy food vouchers to hand out even, so you’re prepared to help if someone asks for food.

    #1097768 Reply
    Avatar photoCopa
    Participant

    I don’t know a single person who would continue to engage with a stranger with mental health issues/on drugs after that person made them feel unsafe. Nothing good would come of that. I can understand stopping to see if you can offer any sort of help initially, but not anything past the point where you realized you may be endangering yourself.

    #1097769 Reply
    Ele4phant
    Guest

    I have extended myself to help others and yes sometimes my efforts have been misguided. I have definitely made mistakes.

    I have not however ever given away my entire savings in a panic nor have I kept someone’s pet without their permission for over and week and been conflicted about what to do.

    You really need to check in with your therapist here more about this. Your judgement seems really broken, much more so than a normal person’s, and you still don’t seem to recognize that.

    Also – does your therapist realize you still have this dog?

    #1097770 Reply
    Idk2021
    Guest

    I guess my thoughts on that are once again that not everyone is the same as you so if you’re giving advice on an advice forum it might be beneficial to realize some people ARE irrational at times and people do things that you yourself would never even consider. That doesn’t mean we are making up stories. This site and forum used to have a lot more voices on it but y’all do tend to gang up on people who turn to you for help.

    #1097771 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    “ once again that not everyone is the same as you so if you’re giving advice on an advice forum it might be beneficial to realize some people ARE irrational at times and people do things that you yourself would never even consider.”

    We do get that. That’s why we’re saying to focus on therapy.

    #1097772 Reply
    Avatar photoBittergaymark
    Guest

    NEWSFLASH: Draining your bank account was just plain batshit crazy. There was no need. None whatsoever. If your therapist doesn’t harp on this, well… then you REALLY need a new fucking therapist. Clearly.

    #1097773 Reply
    Idk2021
    Guest

    Yes my therapist does know. They also agree that the dog is better off with me because they know verbatim what the girl said to me that night. They do agree that I shouldn’t have taken in regardless.

    #1097774 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    I’m now thinking the dog would be better off with a fresh start somewhere else if his mom doesn’t want him back.

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