Dismissed often by friend

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  • This topic has 5 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 7 months ago by Anonymousse.
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  • CS
    September 13, 2023 at 6:03 am #1125396

    I have a long term friend with alot of history. She has said and done hurtful things throughout the years. She became worse when she got married and she recently went through a divorce. She apologized for all she had said and done, and I truly thought she would have a wake up call and realize that how she has acted over the years would stop. She would act entitled, snotty and too good all because she had a man. I thought her getting away from him would help and she would have more compassion and caring since he was a big reason for her nasty attitude.

    Her birthday was yesterday and for 2 weeks she knew me and my daughter were planning to come see her. We got her a gift and cake and my daughter was also exicted to spend time with her daughter. My friend messages me telling me she had to run to the store and then would have to leave shortly after we get there because something came up last minute. No…she ended up having plans with someone else. I wasnt going to go out of my way just to be done that way. Our visit would be rushed and to be so dismissed after trying to do something.

    I feel hurt, disrespected and that we weren’t important enough to make more time for after she knew we were going out of our way to be there with her. She then asks if we can reschedule sometime this week or meet us somewhere. I havent even responded and honestly dont know if I want to be around her. My daughter will be hurt because she loves her daughter but I am done with being treated like nothing or not important enough. If I tell her how I feel, it will turn into “you are so sensitive or over reacting” or “that wasn’t my intention” and things will be akward.

    I have let her push me around too much and then be made to feel bad for speaking up. I thought with her moving back and so close to me she would care more about our friendship. I even cried to her telling her how much I wanted to fix our friendship and she was sitting right in front of me texting her boyfriend and showed no emotion. I feel so weak and she has made me feel so powerless over the years and made me feel like she did so much for me and i just couldn’t measure up. She goes from being so nice and friendly to treating me like an after thought. How do I break out of this cycle? And was I being to sensitive about the birthday issue? I want to say how I feel but don’t know how to where I am heard and respected.

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    Anonymousse
    September 13, 2023 at 8:40 am #1125397

    And what’s your question? Just a vent? Yes, she was rude. Maybe tell her that if you ever speak to her again. When someone constantly devalues you like this, I’d recommend taking a step back and considering the friendship.

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    September 13, 2023 at 9:28 am #1125403

    I don’t think ignoring her text will make things better between you, if that’s what you’re hoping for. Why not tell her in a straightforward way that you feel dismissed and unappreciated, and it hurts your feelings?

    It’s also fair to take a step back or end the friendship altogether. I’ve ended some friendships over the years (or had a former friend end a friendship with me) and it’s always been for the best. Having a lot of history with someone doesn’t mean they are meant to be in your life forever.

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    LisforLeslie
    September 13, 2023 at 10:48 am #1125404

    It sounds like she takes your friendship for granted. You’ve always been there, so you’ll always be there. I know people who have stepped away from friendships after 40 years because they felt similarly to you. And I can’t blame them.

    You don’t have to come outright and say “I’m breaking up with you.” you can simply be less available.

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    anont
    October 21, 2023 at 7:09 pm #1126326

    I think it is time to take step back from her, if she values your friendship she will reach out again and try much harder. It is okay for friendships to drift apart.

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    Anonymousse
    October 22, 2023 at 11:21 am #1126340

    You choose to keep prioritizing someone who makes you feel like crap. This is really an exercise in self care, to consider yourself and takes several steps back. I do think your reaction to her having plans a little later was a little much. It was her birthday, and she’s cramming it all in. She was rude. But you have a self esteem issue. You hold a lot of weight with how she treats you and have expected her to be nicer, (why?) after she’s hurt you so many times. That’s something you need to consider. Why have you tried so so hard to stay close and change someone who is mean to you? And who isn’t going to change? People don’t change unless they want to and work towards it. She doesn’t recognize an issue. She’s not going to be the friend you imagined her to be. Is there still space for her in your life, maybe at an arms length? Think about it, and seriously consider therapy for this self esteem stuff. You don’t want to pass this on to your daughter.

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Dismissed often by friend

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