- This topic has 22 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 1 month, 3 weeks ago by PurpleStar.
November 29, 2020 at 2:48 pm #968076RachealGuest
When I was still there I was under the impression that my husband was in agreement on a divorce. Where we were living together in order to file divorce papers without an attorney it had to be agreed upon. We went and picked up a packet, and filled it out at home. I signed my portions, and then when it came time for him to sign he refused. So then I couldn’t do anything there. Spoke to the clerk’s office, and I wasn’t able to file for a divorce without an attorney to give me the proper paperwork. The cheapest one wanted almost $3,000 upfront to even start anything. I was ready to bring him with me. Would hands down. My end goal is to have him here. I’ll go through my process of getting settled with my child present. Also never said I was having another child. I am not able to so that was irrelevant. All the working I’m doing is for my child. I made my attempt to file for a divorce while there. Thanks for all the comments. I’ve got an attorney lined up for tomorrow.November 29, 2020 at 2:54 pm #968079RachealGuest
Also he is in a relationship and is talking to at least two others. Had his ex wife get him in touch with her friends, and one of them had spoke to me. What he does on his own personal time is his business. I am only focused on what my son gets involved with while being present.November 29, 2020 at 2:58 pm #968081RachealGuest
Also my husband is in a relationship and is talking to at least two others. His ex wife got him in contact with people, and one of them reached out to me. Another is in a relationship herself but my husband messes with her. His own personal choices are his and not my business. Working on my own place. Just because you date someone doesn’t mean you moved in with them.November 29, 2020 at 3:08 pm #968086ronGuest
“What he does on his own personal time is his business. I am only focused on what my son gets involved with while being present.”
He is either leaving your son alone in the apartment or else your son is present while he is with these other women.
You say you are talking to
Please be aware that an attorney from your current location may very well not be able to handle a case from another state (or perhaps you aren’t living in U.S. and things are different where you live).November 29, 2020 at 3:25 pm #968093RachealGuest
There isn’t a current case anywhere at all. My son has a sitter that we pay weekly so if his father is doing anything then it’s when my son is with the sitter. Where they live it would of already been reported if my son was left alone somewhere but I know that isn’t taking place. I’m in video chats with my son all throughout the day every day, and he is either with his father or the sitter. Only time he is ever “unattended” is if he wakes up super early before his father, and he calls me every time and I see what he is doing. Usually when I’m on the phone with my son his dad has his own phone calls going and I can hear them in the background during my video calls. Only reason I know it’s calls on his end is because I’ve tried to call my son via his father’s facebook and it pops up that he is in another call during the time.November 29, 2020 at 4:08 pm #968111ronGuest
Your new case, which you want to start, likely needs to be started in the state/county where your son lives and where you formerly lived. I doubt you will be able to begin a divorce/custody case in the state where you currently reside, and it is unlikely that an attorney in that state is a member of the bar in the state where your son lives. You likely can confer by phone with an attorney in the county where your son lives.November 29, 2020 at 4:51 pm #968126RachealGuest
I have to have maintained residency for at least 6 months. The verbal agreement that me and my husband have right now is we will each have 6 months a year with our son. He is homeschooled so it wouldn’t be a problem. My husband is also going to be moving to another state once I go pick up my son.November 29, 2020 at 5:47 pm #968136FYIGuest
You really need to contact legal aid, or someone who can advise you properly. You say you have an appointment with a lawyer, so … ? I guess you came up with a resource.
If you have an attorney, then you don’t need to defend anything here with us. However … your original question was whether you were making poor decisions, and the response from this board was — yes. Ideally, your attorney can help you turn those poor decisions around, but you have to tell that attorney EVERYTHING in order to get on the right track. Lay it ALL out so the wrong turns can be fixed. Now is not the time for pride.
For example, any verbal agreements you have with your husband are absolutely worthless. He already proved that to you when he refused to sign the divorce papers, and on many other occasions, I’m sure. Anyway, your “verbal agreement” (which husband won’t honor) for a 6-6 split of months is NOT going to work. I don’t know who came up with that strange idea, but it’s not in your kid’s best interest. Your husband, who doesn’t parent well, is going to homeschool your kid for six months?!? In yet another state? Do you know ANYONE in this other state he’s moving to?? Again, you need someone else to advise you, because your decision-making isn’t sound at all.
If you are waiting for 6 months of residency to take legal action on custody, then you are REALLY screwing yourself.
All of this seems harsh to you probably, but every single person on this forum is looking at this through the eyes of your son, and what he needs. Homeschooling, parents who communicate through facebook (?!), new women/men with his parents, a lot of moving — sorry, but none of this is good for him.November 29, 2020 at 6:04 pm #968137anonymousseParticipant
What do you have to have maintained residency for six months for?
Yes, I agree with FYI. You are making REALLY BAD choices. How is your son being homeschooled? By your husband, who you have previously said was a not great parent? By babysitters? By you? You know that you can’t just call him homeschooled and that will be fine. There are actual legal requirements for his education in most states, even if you are homeschooling.
Right now, you’re setting your husband up for a slam dunk case for sole custody because he has ample proof that you abandoned your child (which as sexist as it is) that will probably be held against you much more than it would him. When you tell the judge “we had a verbal agreement,” he will laugh at your naïveté. You cannot trust your husband. Why would you even think he would stick to his word?
None of this is in your son’s best interest. The constant upheaval that you’re planning for him (assuming it works) would be detrimental to his social development and ability to make friends. It’s very clear that you are not considering what he needs. And that is very sad to read. I feel badly for your son.
Please keep looking for a lawyer for the state you abandoned your son in. Ask for help. Contact social services. There are probably free/sliding scale options for a lawyer. You need to get an actual custody agreement in place or I have a feeling this is going to end up badly.
And for fuck’s sake- think of your son! Why are you even thinking your husband is going to be a good option for coparenting, or homeschooling, or custody? You said he has other children he never sees. That’s proof he doesn’t give a shit. Please, be realistic and do what’s right for your kid, because it really sounds like he is getting the short end of the stick.November 30, 2020 at 5:27 pm #968209PDX816Guest
Family law differs state to state, I work in Oregon and can say that an Oregon court will absolutely give president to the parent that lives where the child grew up. Unfortunately in the eyes of the court you did abandon your child, even if you were the primary caregiver up until that point. If this were an Oregon case you could expect the court to give custody to the parent who stayed and you would get visitation that you would be required to pay for.
You need to contact an attorney in your HOME state to try and sort this out. It might be in your best interest to find a way to move back to the area where you used to live. There is a lot of jurisdictional things that are dependent on length of residency and such, but it would probably be awarded to your home state.
Most courts won’t take you having a new relationship into account, but the court of public opinion absolutely will. Keep your crap off facebook, even locked down that stuff gets out. And for the love of all that’s holy DO NOT bring your son to where you are, that will blow any chance you have in court.November 30, 2020 at 8:54 pm #968219PurpleStarGuest
I worked with a woman who did the “separated but living in the same house” thing. She moved out of the family home first…got an apartment nearby. Left her child in the family house. Her husband then filed for divorce based on abandonment. He got full custody of the child. She got supervised visitation and had to pay child support. She fought it for years until he relented and changed to joint custody. The child is an emotional wreck.
You need to ditch the new boyfriend..ugh. Move back to the city where your son lives. Get an efficiency apartment if you need to. Start divorce and custody proceedings while you live in the same city. Because right now, it sure looks like you abandoned him and you really do not have a valid reason for moving to another state.