- This topic has 15 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 2 months ago by Polly.
May 20, 2021 at 7:59 pm #1084793KateKeymaster
You don’t have to find out. It’s a universal truth. You always remember people you were married to. Unless you have a traumatic brain injury or something.
Your memories of a person might be more bad than good, though. Some of my memories of boyfriends are much more on the negative side, but there’s always SOME good stuff.
Trust me. You’re going to learn a lot about memory.May 20, 2021 at 8:06 pm #1084799S. HighwallGuest
@Kate That brings me a lot of comfort. Thank youMay 20, 2021 at 11:00 pm #1084944RedgirlGuest
Personally, I believe that every relationship I’ve had, no matter how long or short, has taught me something and helped shape me into who I am. Even though my marriage was a disaster I do also have fond memories from it and it certainly contributed to who I am today. Your marriage wasn’t a disaster, you just have incompatible goals, so I think you’ll always carry a little piece of each other with you in life. Maybe you introduced her to a new food or a new band she will always enjoy. Maybe you taught her some new skill that she’ll always have. The good things you brought into her life won’t go away even if you do. I think right now you’re grieving, and you don’t want to let go of being the most important person in her life, and that’s totally understandable. It will get easier over time, and that longing will lessen until it’s gone. Be kind to and patient with yourself.May 21, 2021 at 1:25 am #1085060PollyGuest
Never mind, I’ll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you, too
“Don’t forget me,” I beg
– Someone Like You, Adele
I think you’re feeling something completely natural. Relationships are something you build, and it sucks to watch something you built be torn down. That is of course what a breakup is, but I think we don’t want to be COMPLETELY forgotten because that’s the last surviving part of this construction project.
And I think it’s easy to assume that you’ll be forgotten and feel sad, but in reality memories stick around in weird ways. You never know what remains, but you know some things will.