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Dear Wendy

do i have to buy a gift for destination wedding as someone's plus one?

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice do i have to buy a gift for destination wedding as someone's plus one?

This topic contains 38 replies, has 9 voices, and was last updated by avatar Ange 2 weeks, 4 days ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 39 total)
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  • #791782 Reply
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    cbobbs

    Hi,
    I will be going on a cruise in a few months for a wedding. I am paying for my own travel (cruise, airfare plus hotel). I am going as someone’s plus one and don’t know the bride or groom (or anyone really not that that is important). I’ve been asked to go to a joint shower in a few weeks and on the invitation it shows that the couple are registered for gifts. Am I obligated to buy a gift? It seems like a lot to ask people to pay for a cruise to attend your wedding and still expect gifts? Will I be required to buy a gift for both the shower and wedding? I will if I have to, but this has definitely rubbed me the wrong way.
    What do you guys think? Has anyone been in this situation before?

    #791795 Reply
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    Essie
    Participant

    I think it depends on the situation. I assume the person who’s invited you is your significant other? How long have you been together? Is this wedding for a family member of theirs?

    I’m asking because I think my answer will be different depending on whether you’re just in a casual thing with this person, and you’ll probably never see any of the people at this wedding again, or whether this is a long-term serious relationship, and the bride and groom are likely to become part of your life and your social circle.

    • This reply was modified 3 weeks ago by avatar Essie.
    #791811 Reply
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    cbobbs

    Hi Essie,
    I’ve been dating the guy who asked me for about 6 months now. I’ve been around his friends a few times. I’m not 100% sure what the future holds to be honest. The wedding is for a friend of his.

    #791820 Reply
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    Bacon Mistress

    Since you guys have only been dating 6 months and you have only met the friends a few times, I dont think they are expecting you to bring a gift. I wouldnt expect you to. But a bottle of wine or champagne is usually well received and not a huge pocket hitter. Either way you cant go wrong!

    Have a GREAT time! Cruises are the best!

    #791821 Reply
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    ktfran
    Participant

    He should purchase the wedding gift. His friends, his responsibility and you’re the plus one. The gift should be from both of you.

    As for the shower, if you go, I’d purchase a small gift that you can afford.

    The husband and I still take care of gifts for our respective friends. His friend’s wedding, he takes care of it. My friends’s wedding, I do.

    #791825 Reply
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    Northern Star

    A. Don’t go to the shower if you don’t know these people. Some brides invite all the women who are invited to the wedding, and it’s fine to politely RSVP “no.”

    B. Your boyfriend should purchase the wedding gift, and it should be from both of you (if you chip in, that’s great—but HE is responsible for making sure they get your joint gift).

    #791840 Reply
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    JD

    You don’t want to show up to a shower without a gift, frankly I’d just not go, you barely know these people. Your boyfriend should purchase a wedding gift from you both. For his friends wedding frankly I feel your financial obligation is over.

    #791876 Reply
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    ele4phant

    I mean, yeah, you are kind of obligated to take a gift to a wedding shower if you go. No one is ever *obligated* to give a gift for any reason ever, but it is *customary*. Of all the wedding and wedding affiliated events, a wedding shower is the most gift oriented I would say. You shower the couple with gifts. That is the point. Plenty of couples forgo them if they don’t want gifts (see – me and my husband).

    Maybe they didn’t mean to seem like a gift grab (and maybe they didn’t even plan their own shower – which would be traditional) and just wanted to include you, but by its, they are to give gifts.

    If you don’t really know these folks, don’t go to their shower.

    Go to the wedding, and let your date (the OG guest right? decide to give them a gift or a card and sign your name to whatever they give. That’s the extent of what I’d be willing to do, if I was a invited as a plus-one, even to a non-destination wedding.

    #791882 Reply
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    Essie
    Participant

    Yeah, I think you either bring a gift to the shower or you politely decline the invitation. I’d never show up at a shower without a gift. It is OK to decline, by the way.

    As for the wedding gift, no, I don’t think you’re obligated to get one. You’re in a new relationship, you don’t know if it’s serious yet, you don’t know any of these people. Your date should be taking care of the gift.

    #791990 Reply
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    Hazel

    what is a wedding shower? why is there a separate gift apart from the wedding gift? what madness is this now?

    #792031 Reply
    Cleopatra_30
    Cleopatra_30
    Participant

    I went to a wedding this summer, which was for a friend of my boyfriend. I had been with my BF for just about a year, but because I had never met them before I offered to help contribute to a gift or cash, but ultimately my BF provided the gift f cash in its entirety.

    I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable buying a gift separately from my partner for a couple I barely know, and for dating someone only for 6 months. So I think it is up to them to provide a gift that he pays for and he can decide if he puts your name on the card.

    I am doing another wedding this fall, again my boyfriends friend. And he is paying for the gift. I met them once (at the previous wedding), so really no obligation to get a gift for them from me.

    #792063 Reply
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    dinoceros
    Member

    I thought the question was whether she needs to bring a separate gift, but some of the answers are confusing me. If you’re attending an event like this as a couple, then you should bring one gift for the two of you. There does need to be a gift though. If you two are not going to bring a gift, then you should not go to the shower.

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