Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

“Do I like him or do I like that he likes me?”

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice “Do I like him or do I like that he likes me?”

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  • #911013 Reply
    Dear WendyDear Wendy
    Keymaster

    From a LW:

    “Last year I stayed with my friend for my birthday weekend because our colleges’ football teams were playing each other. While I was there, one of her friends took interest in me and showered me with attention all weekend. He even continued to talk about me after. When I met him, I wasn’t interested in him whatsoever. To be honest, I didn’t find him attractive and I’m usually turned off by guys who give me a ton of attention because it’s overwhelming to me.

    I stopped hearing about him from my friend pretty soon after my birthday. About 4 months later, it seemed like I woke up with a completely different perspective and I’ve been borderline obsessed with him ever since. I find myself trying to work him into every conversation with my friend and I think and even dream about him a lot. It’s just something about how forward he was that’s really attractive to me.

    As much as I think about him, I can’t help but wonder if this is a legit crush or if I just like the attention he gave me. I think knowing that he likes me definitely influenced me liking him. I’m trying to figure out if this is genuine and worth pursuing because I’d hate to lead him on and go after him only to realize I was never actually attracted to him. Is it realistic for my feelings to have changed so abruptly?”

    #911108 Reply
    avatarron
    Guest

    This is an after-the-facc fantasy you created for some reason. You had no interest when you met him and seem to have had little to zero contact during the time you suddenly decided you were interested, despite your reaction to your only in-person interactions with him being negative. It seems you want a bf and have convinced yourself he must be it. Nope!

    #911146 Reply
    bittergaymarkBittergaymark
    Guest

    Increasingly, it is clear to me that NOBODY who writes in with a dating issue to this site should EVER date. Anybody. Period.

    #911188 Reply
    avatarFYI
    Guest

    I mean, you’re in college. The stakes are not high here. Go out with him and find out. Sheesh, going on a date doesn’t mean you’re leading him on.

    BUT, you can’t go on a physical date with someone who lives elsewhere while covid is spiking. Please tell me you know that already.

    #911192 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    No, this is not a legit crush. It’s just a fantasy. If you spent any amount of time with him, he’d probably annoy you. The way to find out for sure would be to have your friend set you two up on an actual (or virtual) date.

    Honestly, it sounds really sad that you’re giving so much weight to something with someone you met once and weren’t interested in. Where are the real guys in your life that you find attractive and can talk to and date? You’re in college, how is it possible that there’s no one?

    #911222 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    You didn’t like him, though?

    What changed?

    Just go out with him (if that’s even an option) and maybe that will make it clear to you.

    #911276 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    Btw, going on a date isn’t “going after” someone. It’s a way to find out if there is any chemistry or attraction. It’s not leading someone on. You can never see them again and it’s fine.

    #911303 Reply
    avatarFyodor
    Guest

    It is in fact the most likely outcome for first dates.

    #911304 Reply
    avatarFyodor
    Guest

    *citation needed

    #911312 Reply
    CopaCopa
    Participant

    Huh. Kinda odd. When I was younger, I definitely had some crushes from afar… but on guys I’d see all the time. I never woke up 4+ months after spending a weekend with a friend of a friend — whom I didn’t even like (!?) — with a sudden crush/obsession. I don’t think this is a legit crush. I think you’re bored and craving a connection and some attention, so you’ve created some kind of fantasy with what I’ll assume is the last guy to show a little bit of interest in you. If there’s a way you can go on a date with this guy, that’s one option. Since I don’t think there’s anything particularly special about this guy to you and it doesn’t sound like you live near one another, finding ways to meet nice, local guys who might be interested in you is the better option. Which might prove difficult during COVID, but that’s a separate issue.

    #911391 Reply
    avatarFYI
    Guest

    Look, everything’s gotta start somewhere.

    Sitting around thinking about it — or even listening to rando strangers’ opinions on the internet — is waaaaay different than LIVING YOUR LIFE. Go make some mistakes! Who cares! You don’t have to be five chess moves ahead of what’s happening all the time. If you feel it, go for it. It doesn’t matter one iota what happened up to this point. Just talk to the guy, for chrissakes. Why are you trying to pre-figure it out?!?!

    Just don’t spread corona. That is not an okay mistake.

    #927390 Reply
    avatarP
    Guest

    Hi everyone I’m the LW! Just wanted to say thank you for the advice. I haven’t had much of a dating life recently and I think I got bored and created a “crush” on the last guy that showed me a lot of attention. And there’s more productive things to think about than a boy I met once. Also I take Covid seriously and will definitely not be traveling or hanging out with people anytime soon so no worries there! Thanks again!

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