Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Do I Miss a Friendship, or Do I Miss My Past?

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  • #875165 Reply
    avatarDana
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    Hi, new here! I could use some friendship advice. When I was in kindergarten, I met this girl, and we were inseparable for about 5 years- family vacations, sleepovers, the whole nine). She had to go to a different school for a few years and so we distanced. We’ve graduated now, and have talked a few times since but never as closely as we used to. Recently, I’ve been really missing her presence in my life, and reached out- first over FB in December, and over text last week. Neither received a response. Normally, I’m a very brush it off type of person, but I’m finding myself really hurt by this and having a hard time letting it/her go, even though the logical part of me knows, maybe she has moved on, or doesn’t want to talk for whatever reason. The thing is, I experienced some big life changes in the past few years (my mother passed away) and I’m finding myself wondering, do I only yearn for her friendship because it is a tie to my life before all that happened? I would love any advice on how to either salvage this relationship or (more likely) find peace that I may never have it again.

    #875168 Reply
    avatarPDX816
    Guest

    I’m a little confused at the time frame, you were five when you met, were super close til 10 then drifted apart? Now at 18 youre trying to reconnect? I wouldn’t pursue this any further, she hasn’t responded after two attempts. I am so sorry about your mom, and can definitely sympathize about maybe wanting someone to share memories with. But I don’t think this friend is going to be that. I’m sorry. Maybe focus on your current friends, or finding a support group to find new connections through.

    #875178 Reply
    avatarDana
    Guest

    That’s about right. We are both 20 now, and it’s not like we’ve not spoken since we were 10, we did a few times, but just like cursory conversation. Even though as I said, I understand logically that she might not want to talk for whatever reason, I’m a little bit flummoxed as to why. We didn’t end on bad terms, to me there’s no reason why she couldn’t just acknowledge me at the least.

    #875179 Reply
    avatarPDX816
    Guest

    There might not be a reason why, she might just feel like you two aren’t close. One of the hard lessons I’ve learned is that the end of a friendship is rarely dramatic or some huge blow out. More often it’s just life progressing and moving you in a different direction. It’s sometimes confusing as you are figuring out. If you want to reach out one more time it’s perfectly reasonable to say something like ‘Hey. I hope all is well with you. I’ve been thinking a lot about our friendship and have reached out a few times to reconnect. If you want to meet up for a smoothie I would love to see you.’ You might or might not hear from her, but it might help you to move on. If she doesn’t reach out then mentally wish her well and focus on other support.

    #875243 Reply

    I’m very sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how you might be feeling.

    I do think you probably need to just fondly let this go. You were great friends when you were young kids, but you’ve grown apart. Friendships do that. Friends come and go, and sometimes you can reconnect and sometimes it just remains a casual thing.

    She might not use FB. She might not have seen that message. Is it possible she has a different number?
    It could also be that she saw one of the messages, fully intended to respond and has forgotten. Or she may not know what to say. Most of the time, people really don’t know what to do win another persons grief. It’s entirely possible that she’s just not equipped to comfort you right now and thus has chosen this awkward way of not responding at all. I’m not trying to say that’s what you’ve reached out for, but she may (or not) think that’s what you’ve reached out to her for.

    You could try once more but then I would advise leaving it alone. It doesn’t have to mean anything bigger than she just doesn’t feel like responding.

    Again, so sorry for your loss. I hope you’re spending time with family and friends and taking care of yourself as much as you can.

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