Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Do I say yes or no?

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  • #1095001 Reply

    I do agree with you Kate – and yeah, it’s definitely giving the brother an opening to be an even bigger asshole. No argument there. Also, the brother sounds like he has real potential to end up being abusive no matter how much child care he has. However, if Andrea has the bandwidth to be a stable presence in her niece’s life, which it sounds like she does right now, it could be a real lifeline for that kid.

    #1095010 Reply
    Andrea Letsen

    Hello to everyone who responded and sorry – I have been away from the PC. Thank you for all the responses and advice. I’ll try to address them all in one condensed reply.

    I should mention that the mother (brothers girlfriend) is a fantastic mother. It is a very odd relationship between her and my brother which not many people who know them understand, because she is an intelligent, articulate, kind, compassionate woman who doesn’t drink nor smoke nor do any drugs. It appears to be a very ‘opposites attract’ relationship. I feel bad saying this as his sister, but she could definitely do far better for herself than him.

    I have had similar concerns about my brothers ability as a father. I used to think he would make a great father as he was always very good with kids – but unfortunately having his own has not given him the wake up call that many of his family members hoped it would. Nothing has changed in him to be honest, and some things have only got worse.

    It is a very good point that I would be able to keep a closer eye on my niece if I were to have her once a week, though I also acknowledge that his parental flaws are not my responsibility. The thought of my niece feeling she has nobody to turn to and no safe place is too heartbreaking to think about, so I think I will say yes.

    I know he will try his luck and push for more, which I will refuse and he’ll lose his temper and I’ll get called every name under the sun – but by the same account, he won’t stop me having her for that one day because his aim is to ‘have a break’ and he won’t want to completely burn that bridge, regardless of my refusal to do more if he asks. Unfortunately, his ‘break time’ is too precious to him.

    It’s not going to be pleasant, but the time with my niece will be worth it, and as lots of you have mentioned here – it’s for her, not my brother. She will definitely benefit from it.

    Thank you all for your advice and guidance and helping me think it through and realise what’s important x

    #1095011 Reply

    If you yourself want to look after your niece one day a week, then do that, but arm yourself against possible manipulative tactics like him getting your niece to ask for this day or that day extra; for this or the other reason; because she will enjoy your kind attentive company more than his begrudged presence.Another thing to watch out for is his resentment if you and your niece become close.Hopefully you and his partner have a good relationship so together you can keep his childishness in check.Good luck whatever you decide.Sounds like the kid could do with a well meaning Aunt in her life.

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