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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Do I Tell My Mother I’m Pregnant?

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice Do I Tell My Mother I’m Pregnant?

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  • #1101290 Reply
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Hello,

    My mother has struggled with drug addiction for almost 20 years which has caused a strain on our relationship. After a blowout argument in February 2021, I decided that it’s not healthy for me to talk to her anymore, so I haven’t.

    I recently started dating someone and found out I was pregnant, after being told that I couldn’t get pregnant. I’m very excited and I’m due in July 2022. For Christmas, I plan on sharing the news with my family.

    I do not plan on telling my mother and do not want her involved in my child’s life. As far as I’m concerned at this moment, I don’t want her to have anything to do with my child. While I’m her first born, this won’t be her first grandchild. I’m afraid that my mom and I will cross paths this Christmas and she may be around when I announce my pregnancy, which I sure will stir some emotions between us.

    Am I wrong for not wanting my mother involved with my child? Does she deserve to know about her soon-to-be grandchild? Am I being a bad mom by wanting to keep my mother away from her grandchild?

    Please help,

    A stressed mommy-to-be

    #1101292 Reply
    bloodymediocrity
    Participant

    You don’t need to tell your mother anything. You can expect her to find out. You can expect her feelings to be hurt. But that’s ok.

    You’re not going to be a bad mom by keeping toxic people out of your life. That’s actually being a good mom.

    Keep yourself safe and happy first and foremost. Maybe down the line she’ll get her act together. Maybe not. You need to take care of your needs first and foremost. It’s essential.

    #1101297 Reply
    PassingBy
    Guest

    Assuming that the rest of your family is in touch with your mother, she will probably find out after you tell them.

    So ask yourself if you’d rather she find out from you, or from them.

    #1101300 Reply
    LisforLeslie
    Guest

    Do what’s right for you.

    #1101305 Reply
    Phoebe
    Guest

    Your first priority is your child, and you can’t take care of your child well if you’re really stressed. Make whatever decision is best for you and the baby, and be guilt-free.

    Also, congratulations on your pregnancy!

    #1101314 Reply
    Classic
    Participant

    I think that you are not wrong for not wanting your mother involved with your child. Obviously, your mom will find out, at least along with everyone else, about your pregnancy, but I think it is perfectly fine if you don’t tell her in advance. I do not think that you would be a bad mom if you keep your mother away from your child. You have every right to live your life as you choose, and to protect your child as necessary.

    #1101315 Reply
    Fyodor
    Guest

    From now on your highest priority is what is best for your child. That may entail having a relationship with her grandmother. It may not. But your mom is an adult and is responsible for herself. You’re responsible for the baby.

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