Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Does everything really happen for a reason?

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice Does everything really happen for a reason?

This topic contains 32 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by avatar Celeste95 3 days, 18 hours ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 13 through 24 (of 33 total)
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  • #845062 Reply
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    LisforLeslie

    Nothing like a a bit of philosophy on a cold wet Monday…

    @Celeste – I think you’re asking the question “Is it possible to avoid regret?” and the answer to that is a simple “Hell no.” There will always be regrets in this life. I regret I didn’t do something sooner. Or I regret that I took action too quickly. But… if I made my choices with the best information I had available at the time then I have to trust that my choice was the best direction at at that time. And that if my gut was telling me something, and I ignored it, then I have to do better next time.

    #845063 Reply
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    ron

    If you let life do its own thing to you, you are likely to have the waves beat you into the rocky shore. Those who passively drift through life accepting whatever comes their way too often become victims in my experience. You say you are not religious, but your approach to life sounds like an extreme version of Presbyterian predetermination.

    “things are not always bad” = just about the weakest justification for continuing a relationship.

    #845064 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Yeah, don’t just sit there thinking maybe HE will pull the trigger. You could cause both of you a lot of unnecessary shit that way. You might both go on and on being unhappy and hurting each other, and being afraid to end it, and then one of you cheats or who knows what. Don’t do that.

    Anyway. Anytime I’ve been stuck in life, I’ve gotten unstuck. But that almost always means taking some kind of action at the right time. I listen for cues and ideas.

    #845066 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Also just from personal experience, having the choice taken away from you is way worse than you think it will be. Like it’s easy to say just break up with me or just lay me off, but it sucks real bad when it happens. So much better to find a new job or take action to end s poor relationship.

    #845070 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    Nope. A lot of really random bad shit happens. Meanwhile, fucking Trump goes on living and breathing… oh, and destroying America. Fucking die already, you useless piece of fucking garbage. Faster Ivankacat, Kill, Kill… Choke Your Daughterfucking Daddy with a Diet Pill…

    — To Paraphrase some late B-52s.

    #845071 Reply

    You might miss out on someone good if you are staying in a mediocre relationship because that’s easier and safer than the pain of starting over or fear of being alone.

    Being alone is really undervalued.

    #845074 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    True, true. Being alone is massively underrated. I know more unhappily coupled people than I aver thought possible. So many are just so STUCK.

    #845095 Reply
    FireStar
    FireStar
    Participant

    Sure things happen for a reason. Mostly that reason is choice. You can’t avoid choice. Even your passivity is a choice. Personally, I don’t believe in everything happening for a reason. That’s a perspective of priviledge. Too many innocents suffer for me to be okay with that notion.
    But even if you believe in some sort of master plan…you have agency. What if the plan is for you to use it?

    #845098 Reply
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    Celeste95

    Thanks for all your responses.

    I guess I have a lot of thinking to do, and decisions to make (eek!)

    #845130 Reply
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    Fyodor

    No, everything doesn’t happen for a reason. The world is arbitrary and cruel. It’s on you to navigate your life.

    #845143 Reply
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    dinoceros
    Member

    Not doing anything is making a decision too, though. Don’t convince yourself that doing nothing and letting things happen is neutral and allowing the “universe” to decide for you. You are still making a decision to stay in a relationship, if that’s what you do.

    In my experience, if I am so concerned about/unhappy in a relationship that I spend a lot of time deciding whether to end it or not, then it’s not the right one.

    You also have to decide whether you want your romantic life to be based on “I want to not make a mistake/regret anything” or “I really like being with this person and they make me happy!” which is not your current situation. I’d much rather have the latter, rather than being with someone simply out of being afraid to be sad for a while.

    #845152 Reply
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    Celeste95

    Thanks for all your responses.
    I do understand that not doing anything is actually making a decision, now that I think about it.

    Right now I am not sure if it’s the right relationship. There are many pros but also a lot of cons, I may need to write these down so I can really see which one outweighs the other.

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