Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Does he like me?

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  • #872680 Reply

    I’m an 18 year old first year uni student for reference. So basically, there’s this guy. And I feel like we have this really cool connection, but we’re also friends and I don’t want to make a move or make my feelings to obvious if he doesn’t like me back you know. But from the beginning, the story is, we met at the beginning of the first week and we’re in the same program, we were sitting next to each other during one of our frosh events and we were talking and it seemed like there were some flirty vibes from him. Anyway, at one point we had to move around for an activity, but once we were done most people went to sit where they were before, so I sat down again thinking he would sit next to me. He ended up sitting with some of his friends a few rows in front of me instead so I took that as a signal he wasn’t interested. After that i would see him around campus but we wouldn’t acknowledge each other because that’s a first week type of vibe. So anyways flash forward, I’m swiping through my tinder out of boredom, and who pops up onto my profile but this guy. So I swipe right and we match. He never messaged me and I never messaged him. But the match shows he’s interested. (I think?) So at this point its a little weird because I see him around and we both make eye contact and recognize each other but we still don’t wave because we still don’t talk. Then, I’m sitting with one of my friends in my core course and who comes and sits with us but this guy. Apparently they’re friends. So now me and this guy acknowledge each other’s existence and what not and we’re definitely aquatinted. So fast forward a few weeks of us talking to each other in class and actually saying hi when we see each other around. Now we start to hit exam season, and the idea of a group of us going out clubbing together happens and we end up going after our exam. So this guy and I definitely have flirty vibes, like I can tell with how he was talking to me and stuff, just being super nice and way more attentive to me, and going out of his way to crack jokes with me. Stuff like that. So this happens, its super fun but then I don’t see him at all until after Christmas. Also keep in mind the man has no social media and I don’t have his phone number. So it’s after the break, life is good, I see him in class but there were no seats next to him so I couldn’t have my chat with him, but as soon as I walked in he started being goofy and made an effort to have a short conversation before I left to sit down. Fast forward to the next night, me and my friends decide to go cubbing and my entire floor is also going to the same place. So i’m pre-ing in my friends room and we hear yelling in the hall so i open the door and its this giant group of people from my floor and others and who’s there but this guy. So as soon as he sees me he gives me a hug and we chat for a min and his group leaves. Once we actually get to the club, I see this guy again. When I see him we hug exchange a few words and go our separate ways. Next time I see this guy he’s making out with some random girl and I end up making out with this other guy from our program. Then I don’t see him until class the following week, so we’re talking and all is well and I update him on my night and tell him I made out with the other guy from the program. This literally gives him a mental breakdown like he cannot believe it and he says all this shit about how he hates that guy and he’s so annoying etc, etc. So then he suggests going out on friday and I agree. So we end up going with this other girl from our program and two of their friends. I go to his room to pre and we have a good time and I leave my drink there so I can grab it in the morning. I end up getting his number so I can get onto his floor and get my drink the next day. So we go out, it’s super fun, but again i get flirty vibes but at the same time it could be friendly vibes. So after this whole story, what are we thinking? Does he like me? It’s hard to tell. I think so because we matched on tinder which should really prove there is attraction but at the same time we didn’t know each other that well back then and maybe now that he knows me it’s more friendly vibes? What do you think?

    #872698 Reply

    I think that you look obsessional with your trackrecord of his every move around the class room and dance floor. And I think that you are wasting your time and giving too much attention to a guy who is lukewarm. You could ask him wether he wants to go on a date with you, but I would bet he would be very embarrassed. So move on and start speaking with other guys.

    #872740 Reply

    “…tell him I made out with the other guy from the program.”

    WHY would you do this? Be discreet; it’s classier.

    Who knows if he’s interested … just keep talking to him and going out in groups … maybe at some point, you’ll have a date.

    Do you WANT a date with him? Or do you want a drunken hook-up? Know what you want so you can have some clarity and standards. Also, you’re eventually going to have to be a lot more vulnerable with someone, i.e., tell them you’d like to see them one-on-one, instead of micro-reading stuff into meaningless interactions.

    #872742 Reply

    Did you make out with the other guy to make him jealous? I don’t know if he likes you. One would think he’d make out with you if he did.

    Why don’t you actually make a move? You can blame it on the pregaming if he declines and you feel embarrassed.

    #872743 Reply

    Haha this post reminds me so much of me in college. I wish someone had told me to stop reading into every little gesture and just ask for what you want. Once I watched my little brothers go through college, I realized how 18, 19 year-old boys are NOT doing the same level of analysis. They’re, unfortunately, often reactive instead of proactive at that age.

    He probably sees you as a girl he likes talking to. If you ask him out, that will probably make him think about whether he actually likes you or not. And that’s scary, because he may decide he does, or he may decide he’s not that into you. The best you can do is be vulnerable and put it out there. And be ready to move on – plenty of boys will want to date you over the next few years. Good luck!

    #872745 Reply

    You don’t know if he likes you and your strategy is to try to make him jealous by telling him you made out with another guy. If you want to learn if he’s interested, you need to take a little risk and ask him on a date.

    #872752 Reply

    “Then I don’t see him until class the following week, so we’re talking and all is well and I update him on my night and tell him I made out with the other guy from the program. This literally gives him a mental breakdown like he cannot believe it and he says all this shit about how he hates that guy”

    Don’t waste your time on a guy who you’re not even dating who has a mental breakdown over the fact that you made out with someone. Even if he does like you, he’s clearly not ready for the realities of dating in college if this sets him off.

    I say this with authority, because I was this guy when I was 18. God, if I could go back in time and kick my ass I would do it in a heartbeat. I had no understanding of freaking anything. Just a whiny, entitled baby. What a mess.

    #872761 Reply

    I don’t know why you wouldn’t have messaged him on tinder if you didn’t have his other details but anyway. Seems like it would have been the easiest way to get communication and intent happening. I don’t think his reaction to the makeout says anything good about his maturity levels, but then again neither was telling him.

    #872793 Reply

    Please learn to use paragraphs.

    #872797 Reply

    I honestly have no idea, but from what you wrote, I would think he’s kind of meh about you. Like you’re a girl who’s around and a potential option. But he’s not that into you. I don’t think a guy makes out with a random girl around the girl he’s very into, you know? He’s on Tinder, so he’s looking to meet girls. He makes out with girls in clubs. But with you he’s just keeping it friendly. He’s not making out with you. He’s not meeting up with you via tinder. He sat with you because his friend did. When you went out, it was with a group of friends and nothing happened, even after he seemed maybe jealous that you made out with another guy (and please never do that again, I mean telling a guy that you did XYZ with another guy).

    Anyway, this guy is not acting interested.

    #872798 Reply

    Relied on everyone’s comments because I was not reading a wall of text in which every single gesture is analyzed to death.

    1. Stop analyzing every gesture. Stop playing emotional interpreter. No matter what any magazine article, text book, website says – the best way to know what a person is thinking is to TALK to them.
    2. If you don’t like games, don’t play games. Don’t fuck with people to see if they react. You wouldn’t like it if roles were reversed.
    3. Use your words. Stop thinking this is a movie. Movies are scripted. They are make believe. For every stupid plot line there are 10 real stories of “I liked him, so I asked him out.”
    4. Strap on your ovaries and be vulnerable. Nothing is guaranteed in this world. You want to date this guy? Better to just ask him out and get any answer than spend another month analyzing how he tied his hoodie around his waist with the right arm folded over the left arm which could be a sign that he has a crush, but it could be a crush on one of the other 50 girls in the room.

    #872806 Reply

    I agree he sounds pretty meh about you. Keep in mind that a Tinder match doesn’t necessarily mean anything. A common Tinder technique for guys is to log on regularly and swipe right on every woman that pops up, without even bothering to look at photos. They never swipe left because they want to see everyone with whom sex is an option for them.

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