Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy Should I believe him?

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  • #841434 Reply

    “I was distracted by my boyfriend of almost 7yrs iPad notification of an email. Curious me, clicked into it …. ”

    That is NOT an accident. This is not a judgement; I say it to be helpful. You need to be honest with yourself. You suspected something, probably based on these issues in the past you refer to.

    If you read an entire conversation he had about cheating, then of course he’s cheating, or thinking about it. Again, this is where you need to be honest with yourself, which is another way of saying “listen to your gut.”

    #841435 Reply

    LW, it DOESN’T matter. You saw what you saw, and you think what you think. You don’t believe him so you obviously see him as a liar whose possibly looking to cheat on you with men. What is there to salvage? MOA and move on with your life.

    Also, if he is lying, there’s nothing to salvage here because he’s not admitting he did anything wrong. Therapy is good if he admitted and wanted to work on things, he didn’t so he doesn’t. Again, MOA.

    • This reply was modified 10 months, 1 week ago by CurlyQueCurlyQue.
    #841450 Reply

    Counselling will only work if he is willing to go and give you full disclosure i.e. the complete and unedited truth. If this is the second time you’ve caught him in this sort of behavior I would just cut my losses and move on. There is clearly no trust (hence the snooping), the email doesn’t sound like spam at all but a very realy profile. Get a full panel of STD tests at your doctor’s office and MOA. Dude is clearly cheating on you

    #841510 Reply

    He’s lying to you and you snooped because you don’t trust him. Time to MOA in my opinion.

    #841512 Reply

    He sounds like a down low to me… Someone who has a girlfriend but bangs dudes on the side and won’t admit he is bisexual or gay.

    #841513 Reply

    A friend of my husband’s just came out as gay, after being with his wife since 18 and having 3 kids (who are all still little).

    #841520 Reply

    He definitely was a down low, only difference is he ain’t a down low no more, he’s just all out gay and proud of it.

    Feel sorry for your friend though, must have been a hard hit after 3 kids, all I hope is that he is a good father and there for his kids when they need him emotionally, physically and financially.

    #841521 Reply

    Yeah, it’s rough, and they’re in the stage of just starting to tell people they’re separated. I feel bad for them both – like for him, that he grew up so Catholic and whatever that he couldn’t be himself, but more so for her. I’m sure he’ll continue to be a good dad, but also, he’s been able to go to the gym and get swole, and I assume he’s dating (was probably cheating) and has an apartment in the city, and she’s like out in the suburbs with 3 little kids trying to process what happened to their lives.

    This seems to be soooo common, from reading letters on here.

    #841542 Reply

    Damn reality can so tough for some.

    He deff was cheatin, got himself a place in the city, getting all swole, done with the married religious family life.

    #861406 Reply

    He’s aa bf, not a husband. If you aren’t interested in a bf who has hook-ups with other men, then just wave goodbye and MOA. If this is an interest he is pursuing, it isn’t going to change.

    #861418 Reply

    That is a rough situation to be in, as it would be shocking to find out that your man is active on a website looking for another man. If you confronted him and he got weird about it, than that should say something. i could only imagine how shook he was when you asked, as he would be caught not only going behind your back but with another man! how long ago did this happen?
    maybe give him some time to think, and he will come to you and tell you the truth.
    did he tell you that it could’ve been spam? or did he say “i have no idea what you’re talking about” “on my email? nope no idea!”.
    even if, i’m not sure why he’d have a picture of a butthole in his camera roll. unless there is something on it he was trying to see (like a pimple or something)
    some of the posts shame you for looking at the email, but i don’t think there is anything wrong with checking out a notification. it’d be wrong to hover over your partner and check their stuff ALL the time but whenever something catches your eye, i believe it’s okay.

    #861510 Reply

    Boy, so many websites out there for closet cases. Who knew? I have never heard of this site, but then I am not from a RED state where these sites must be rife with “curious” Republicans dying to suck rest-stop cock. Yawn… Such a cliche’.
    LW, just cop to the snooping. You snooped.
    And you caught your boyfriend looking for cock to plow his closeted homophobic ass. So yeah, be happy you snooped! NEWSFLASH: If I were you, yeah. I’d walk away. Closet cases are the worse. And nobody can lie better than somebody with a lifetime of practice…

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