Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Drugs, gambling and lost future fiancé.

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  • #848306 Reply

    I had came out of a toxic relationship a few years ago, after being accused. If drugs etc (at this point maybe once every month tops) but found out after three misscarriges she had been cheating on me with a bloke from work, she’s now engaged. I had a year to be single and really lived the high life after the lowest point of my life. Holidays festivals etc. Festivals and the single men I was going out with was a norm to coke etc… which over time I became ammune to.

    Before I met the lady I owned my own house, (mortgage still) my own company and a beautiful car.

    After a year I was ready and had met a lovely girl with no baggage etc. 2 and a half years on without her knowing at all I’ve become addicted to coke, which means late nights… gambling.

    I paid all bills etc etc, while I was at my lowest point, £50k debt, sold assets, selling house…. she leaves me. We met at my best and left at my worst… witchin a week of leaving she had added a bloke she had been talking to before we met. Her clothes still intact in my home.

    do I take her back? I had lied about gambling, bearing in mind it was all my money not a penny of hers. Also about the coke that had followed me from single days and now becoming an everyday thing, £100-£140 a day.

    Do I try with her?

    Advise please

    #848307 Reply

    I don’t know why you think you need to take her back, she hasn’t offered to start over as per your description. You have issues all over the board that should be a primary focus for yourself first and foremost. She had every right and reason to leave you, if she hasn’t offered to come back there is nothing to ‘go after.’

    Get into therapy, rehab and debt management.

    #848308 Reply

    Uh, no. You didn’t meet “at your best.” You met her when you were coked out and gambling. Just because you hid that from her didn’t mean your life wasn’t a mess. A house and a car doesn’t mean jack when you have multiple active addictions going on.

    For your own sake, get help for both addictions — the coke first. Get clean. Make that your priority, not getting this woman back. Your life is at risk.

    #848310 Reply

    Anyone would have left you at that point. Does she even want to come back?

    You have a lot of work to do on yourself before you’ll be a fit partner for anyone. Focus on that. Get yourself well before you try dating again.

    #848316 Reply

    Honestly? I couldn’t follow this tale of woe very well. Ease up on the coke and update us when you are actually a little more coherent.

    #848380 Reply

    I’m confused about why you think of this in terms of “taking her back”
    She doesn’t seem to be asking to “come back” she seems like she is moving on, her clothes in your apartment be damned.

    #848383 Reply

    sort out your mess before you date again. Some people can handle coke, deans’t sound like you can. A gambling addiction is huge. People seem to rate this as less than drugs but i sure don’t. I’d never touch anyone with a gambling addiction, you could lose everything overnight and that is just horrible for most people.It seems harmless as it isn’t obviously a toxin and everyone likes a flutter but I told my partner that if he was unfaithful we’d talk about it, if he got addicted to a substance we’d work it out, if he got into addictive gambling I’d leave.Because that can go from fine to zero in one night. Sort yourself ought and get all the help you can before you even contemplate bringing someone else into your life.

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