This topic contains 10 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by Keyblade 2 weeks, 5 days ago.
- June 24, 2019 at 9:30 pm #846183
I recently shared private information about a family member’s marriage with a close friend while drunk. I don’t think I would have shared this information sober. The context in which I shared it was being upset about how this family member was being treated and how angry I was at their partner. This was not feelings I was letting myself express otherwise due to wanting to be a neutral support person. I wracked with guilt about having done this, although I trust this friend not to share the information or bring it up; I actually value their opinion and the perspective they gave. But i feel guilty that they now know such private information about about this person they may see at infrequent social occasions(like 1x/year).
I feel as though I should let the family member know I broke their confidence but on the other hand I feel that this would only serve to make me feel better(for confessing) and make them feel bad. What would you do? I also have experienced close friends share information about their family’s lives to serve as a sounding board and I don’t see anything wrong with their needing to this. But I can’t help feeling like a horrible person. :/June 25, 2019 at 3:02 am #846203
You are not a horrible person. You probably feel helpless about the whole situation and you needed to vent to a close friend. That’s perfectly normal. It’s what close friends do to gain perspective – which you received! And I don’t think your close friend would use this information somehow? Or share it with the world?
I would not bring it up with your family member though, as I suspect it’s the least of their concerns.June 25, 2019 at 8:30 am #846232
Hey we all do this, as long as you are confident in the friend that you spilled the beans to that they won’t ever speak of it? It’s all cool, they will however be judgmental of the the person that was the main topic whenever they see them.June 25, 2019 at 6:38 pm #846277
I think it’s a bit excessive to call yourself a horrible person. Nobody’s perfect. I don’t really understand what the purpose would be of confessing to the original person that you told their secret. The only reason I see would be for you to feel less guilty, and I don’t believe in creating anxiety for other people for the purpose of relieving yourself of guilt. Maybe reiterate to the person you told that you shouldn’t have told them and that it’s very private.
Hopefully this experience will teach you not to do this again, even when drunk. But if you feel like you wouldn’t be able to control yourself when drunk in the future, you may want to reconsider your alcohol consumption.June 25, 2019 at 9:55 pm #846283
Thank you all for the feedback. It reaffirms the follow up I did and decisions i made about my behavior going forward. I don’t really drink often; just due to how it impacts my mood(this incident was probably the most I’d had to drink in over a year). I think I’ve also learned to not drink when I’m upset/stressed in general.
I genuinely appreciate the feedback. I think that I am struggling a bit with some depression/distorted thinking. I needed a bit of a reality check to make sure I wasn’t just making excuses for my own poor behavior vs making someone else feel bad just so I can feel better.June 26, 2019 at 2:33 am #846287
Chill out a little stop being so hard on yourself you don’t need to analyse your behaviours just be you. You will destroy your mind if you start thinking in these ways. You do not need to punish yourself. Praying 🙏🏼XJune 26, 2019 at 3:25 am #846290
Wait, what? This is FINE. It’s fine to talk about something happening in your family to a close friend. That’s what friends are for. This is *your* friend, who maybe sees the people involved casually once a year. Who cares what they know? The guilt you’re feeling about this is weird. You’re allowed to talk about things that are affecting you. It’s probably helpful, actually – your friend can help you process everything, which can help you be more supportive to the family member.June 26, 2019 at 7:48 am #846299
If it will make you feel better, tell us what you told your friend…June 26, 2019 at 10:32 am #846305
I would suggest telling your close friend that what you told them was confidential, and that you are trusting them to not share it any further.June 27, 2019 at 12:54 am #846406
I think your embarrassed by your behavior. Cut back on the listening, venting, drinks or wrap it up when you notice yourself needing to vent about the people who are venting to you.June 27, 2019 at 12:57 am #846407
Correction “Your” should be you’re