Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Emotionally Unavailable

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  • This topic has 24 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 1 week, 1 day ago by avatarLisforLeslie.
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    avatarLisforLeslie
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    Oooh – he does have issues.
    Armchair psychologist time: He likes being needed and he likes being wanted. He tells you the story he thinks you need to hear to justify his behavior. He gives you the signals he believes you need to see to make you feel good, which in one sense is nice, but he’s not just doing it to you – he’s doing that for his ex as well. He likes all of her pictures – I don’t do social media but that sounds like an excessive amount of time.

    All of this is about him – he does these nice things for you – so you do nice things for him. And his methods totally backfired on him. You raised your concern so the people pleaser part of him said “Oh, well if it concerns you then I will go no contact” – which is not what you asked but is what he assumes you want. So now he is lying to you because he wants to be wanted by his ex. He likes flirting with her. He likes feeding her ego as much as she’s feeding his ego. And in his mind, you made him cut off a supply of ego strokes.

    So now he gets caught in a lie and he has to justify it by saying that he felt bad doing it so abruptly (not what you asked).

    You’re much better off without him. Like you said, the honeymoon phase was ending – but not yet ended, this is what your life with him would look like. Him gaslighting you and lying to you.

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