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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Encounter with an ex

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  • This topic has 10 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 1 month ago by Mandy.
Viewing 11 posts - 1 through 11 (of 11 total)
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  • #1112918 Reply
    point213
    Participant

    Years ago I was dating someone for about two years. We were madly in love until he ended it because something was missing. Shortly after her got a new gf which deepened my heartbreak. Life went on. I moved abroad and continued with my life. Him and his new gf eventually broke up but we were never in contact. Then last week I bumped into my ex after 4 years! We were on a night out so alcohol Woudl have lightened spirits a bit. As soon as we chatted he was so happy to see me. He mentioned how he really appreciated the text I sent him when his mum died, and that it was in fact one of his favourite messages he received. He went to say that I was one of to nicest girls he was with and reminisced on some memories. Then then asked if we could meet for a coffee .. and added platonically at the end. He also mentioned how he was soon moving to the city I live in, which I was shocked by but always knew he was keen to try it out someday. The next day I was very confused and had assumed he had too much to drink until I got a message from him saying ‘it was very very nice chatting to you’. I replied agreeing but didn’t continue the convo. That night he was out again and he bumped into my friend and asked her if I was out. This is all so silly and totally doesn’t mean anything but it’s beeen playing on my mind all week. It’s so weird as I haven’t thought much about him at all and now bam. Thoughts please?

    #1112919 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Be very careful. He’s lonely and between girlfriends and is also grieving, and you’re someone who’s been nice to him. You have feelings, he doesn’t. When a guy breaks up with you because something’s missing, he’s not in love with you. You were madly in love, he wasn’t. It’s pretty likely he met the other woman before he broke up with you and she was his exit strategy. If you go for coffee with him, which he’s already telling you will just be as friends, you’re going to have the feelings and he’s going to let you down. This is not fate bringing you two together for another shot. This is just life.

    I would honestly not even meet him. If you do, you need to have no expectations and be very determined that you won’t see things that aren’t there. Because they’re not there, I promise you. Definitely don’t hook up with him.

    #1112920 Reply
    peggy
    Guest

    Hi. Nice to catch up and be friendly, if you like/want to. The first time he said “something was missing”, now he talked about being plationic/friend-like in a coffee meeting.
    So I think he hasd been clear. Only meet up if you don’t hope for more. I guess “anything could happen ” ,but very unlikely. Easy for you to be hurt again if you have thoughts of more romance.

    #1112921 Reply
    Anonymousse
    Guest

    It is silly, and it does basically mean nothing. It means you bumped into an ex who broke your heart and you were both drunk and he was probably shocked you were being pleasant to him. He told you while he was drunk that he only wanted to see you platonically. It doesn’t seem like that’s possible for you- because you are reading into this when it’s pretty clear, even after gushing and reminiscing with you, he pointed out to keep it platonic and you are wanting star here’s thought son 5is interaction, which means you want more.

    Don’t willingly walk straight into heartbreak number 2 from this guy. I agree, he is remembering the good times, remembering your kindness in his grief but ultimately the guy left you because something was missing. I doubt that something that was missing is now present.

    Those are my thoughts.

    Try a new guy, literally almost half the population is men, and straight men are having a harder time dating as relationship standards increase for women. Why go backwards?

    https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-state-our-unions/202208/the-rise-lonely-single-men

    #1112922 Reply
    Anonymousse
    Guest

    *Wanting strangers thoughts on this interaction

    #1112923 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    I think this is key though: women “prefer men who are emotionally available, good communicators, and share similar values.” These lonely single guys are single because they’re not bringing much to the table.

    But yeah, there ARE emotionally available good communicators out there with similar values to yours. This guy isn’t it.

    #1112926 Reply
    Anonymousse
    Guest

    I have just wanted to drop this article somewhere and thought that since straight men make up 62% of app users, surely LW can find someone better than this ex who broke her heart and wants to keep things platonic.

    #1112928 Reply
    Avatar photoCopa
    Participant

    It does sound like you’re hanging onto hope that this might lead to giving things another go while he’s been clear that you’re a friend. If this guy is already taking up headspace again after a chance encounter, I’d save myself the heartache and not go back for more. I’ve had some chance encounters with men I’ve dated and they’ve been anything from fine to nice. I don’t think I could handle catching up with someone I was madly in love with who broke my heart. Like it actually sounds awful to me, haha. I know everyone’s different, but it’s ok to not go if you think it won’t serve you.

    #1113017 Reply
    Mojo
    Guest

    One of Hollywood’s standard movie plot lines is: guy returns to him hometown, runs into old flame, relives memories with her, and realizes he should have never left her. After some wacky comedic delays, they fall madly in love and live happily ever after.

    Unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that in real life.

    When someone says they want to meet with you platonically, that means they will talk to you to get information and for an ego boost.

    #1113031 Reply
    Mojo
    Guest

    * and they will meet with you in hopes of having sex with you once or twice before vanishing.

    #1113035 Reply
    Mandy
    Guest

    Don’t go. It’s only going to be a let down. Sorry girl.

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