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Dear Wendy

Ending a 5 year relationship due to no intimacy?

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  • #946570 Reply

    AnonEsk223, did you ever have a sex drive with this guy? Did you desire him back in the beginning of your relationship? If you have never desired him sexually, have you had a strong sex drive for other people? Do you have a strong desire for sex in general but just not with him?

    Depending on your answer to these, I think there are several things that could be going on:

    1. You just don’t have that much of a sex drive overall. If you’ve never really had a high sex drive for him, and you’ve never had much of one for anyone else (or had the opportunity to find out), it may be just that you are asexual or have a low sex drive. There’s nothing wrong with that, but you won’t be happy with this guy unless he’s okay with a very limited sex life.

    2. If you once desired lots of sex with him, but no longer do, then there’s probably something about the relationship that’s making you unhappy. You mention him not making much of an effort in the relationship–could that be making you resentful? Resentment will kill your sex drive. Or is there something about the sex itself that’s a turnoff? If this is a relationship problem, it may be possible to fix, but only if you can identify the problem and if you both agree to work on it. Another possibility is that there’s something going on with you medically that’s killing your sex drive. Although if you have a sex drive, just not for HIM, then that’s not likely to be the case.

    3. If you’ve never felt much sexual desire for him at all, then as others have pointed out, this is probably just a lack of chemistry and you can’t really fix that. If you both want to have an active sex life but just not with each other (or at least, you don’t want it with him), then you are probably best off breaking up and just being the great friends that you are.

    #946783 Reply

    This doesn’t get better. The thing is, it’s not “just this one thing.” It’s actually a symptom that the whole relationship isn’t right for you. It’s just not working. Like a couple people said above, it can be good on paper, but…

    I think you’re looking at what you believe is the potential here, and not recognized that it just isn’t right.

Viewing 2 posts - 13 through 14 (of 14 total)
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