Ending an engagement
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The first question is going to be “Why?” so if you’re not willing to discuss the cheating, then be prepared with the reasons behind the cheating.
But there is no way to break up with a partner without doing some damage.
I agree with the “don’t tell about the cheating” sentiment, with the caveat that if there’s a real risk of him having been exposed to STDs, then you need to tell him.
If you don’t think that’s likely, rip the band-aid off quickly and permanently if you don’t want to be with him.
I will add: On the odd chance you love him and want to be with him, but are punishing yourself for cheating on him, there’s potential to move on from this with enough honesty. But this doesn’t seem to be the case here.
I do love him, but I do fear I’m not in love with him as much as an engaged person should be. We have been distant recently, several reasons caused it, but I definitely know I haven’t been trying as much as I should in the relationship. The person I am/was having an affair with has confessed his love, and I fear I do love him as well even though I am unable to admit it to anyone.
I feel like you’re at risk here of trying to make this work when you should walk away and give both of you a chance to find real love. Please do not keep doing what you’re doing.
You need to break up with your fiancé. Date the affair guy if you want, afterwards. Don’t be surprised if that doesn’t work out.
I “love” everybody, but I’m in love with one person and there’s a big difference. Stop wasting all y’all’s time.
What Kate and Anonymousse said.
Look, there’s likely a reason your cheating. There’s probably something missing from your relationship and you seeked it elsewhere. For me, it was chemistry. I never wanted to have sex with my ex-fiance. For a while I thought it was fine. It wasn’t. It wasn’t until we were engaged that I realized this couldn’t go on forever.
Do yourselves both a favor and call it off. Getting married would be a huge mistake. He deserves better.
Honestly, you can keep seeing this other guy if you want, but I think it’s a bandaid and won’t last. You’d be better cooling off for a bit and doing some self reflection of why you let this happen. Either on your own but a therapist would be more helpful.
