Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Etiquette question

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This topic contains 18 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by Cleopatra_30 Cleopatra_30 2 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #844532 Reply
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    Fyodor

    I think that you are justified in not paying him…but I, think that I might not pick this hill to die on

    I agree that he was an idiot, but if it were someone I liked and was otherwise on good terms with, I’d probably pay. Both because I wouldn’t want to fight over it and I’d feel bad that he got stuck with a five hundred dollar fine for his role in organizing a group vacation, even if it’s his own fault.

    As for the ethical part of it… Eh. I feel like people fudge these things all the time. It’s not like he stole an elderly person’s social security.

    #844535 Reply
    Cleopatra_30
    Cleopatra_30
    Participant

    Appreciate the insight everyone. I have talked with him separately from the public forum but he still seems on the fence about what happened. He has offered to sit down and chat about it, as he told me, he values our friendship and doesn’t want this situation to affect it. Truthfully I appreciate him offering an olive branch, but I just won’t be attending future events he hosts as I don’t trust that something like this won’t happen again. Saves me further conflicts.

    #844562 Reply
    Dear Wendy
    Dear Wendy
    Keymaster

    Yeah, he was rude and cheap to deceive everyone like he did and then request additional $ from everyone on top of what was agreed to and paid before the trip. But $33 or whatever isn’t worth a huge conflict. I agree with everyone saying to just give him that money and not go on a trip again with him that he has any part in organizing.

    #844565 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Wendy and others are probably right. I do feel like giving him the $33 validates his bad behavior. In my friend group, I think a good number of people would just ignore the request, and some would pay it. I feel like ignoring the Venmo request is like turning your back on a dog that’s acting badly, so as not to reward the behavior. Like whatever kind of conditioning in psychology. If he kept bugging me about it I’d still ignore him. Or I miiiiiight be like, “oh, I paid you already. We agreed on $100. I venmo’d you that.” Then go back to ignoring him.

    If he gets the money from everyone, he got the message that he can keep pulling this shit.

    • This reply was modified 2 months, 3 weeks ago by avatar Kate.
    #844567 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    … kind of the same way I’d leave a rude text sitting there unacknowledged. I’m not non-confrontational, but sometimes I think ignoring shitty behavior is the right route.

    #844570 Reply
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    dinoceros
    Member

    I think giving him the money or not giving him the money is fine. I don’t think choosing not to pay money you didn’t agree to equals starting a big conflict, and I’d say, technically, he’s starting the conflict himself.

    Sure, $30 isn’t a lot by itself, but it’s not what you agreed to and it’s a 30% increase of what you already paid. I’d at the very least, when talking to him, explain why it’s a problem that he’s doing this and how he misled people. (Also, $30 isn’t a small amount to everyone. Maybe everyone on this trip, but in theory, a person could have budgeted the $100 and not budgeted $30.)

    I don’t think that a person has to give in simply because it’s a friend. It’s possible to tell someone when they are being unreasonable and still be friends with them. He’s lucky y’all didn’t get kicked out and just had to pay extra money.

    #844579 Reply
    Cleopatra_30
    Cleopatra_30
    Participant

    Ya, again, not so much about the amount we owe him now, rather the reason why we owed it and it being soley on his hands for the extra costs. But I see everyone’s side to this, to pay or not to pay.

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