Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Ex- bully

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This topic contains 12 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by Skyblossom Skyblossom 1 week, 2 days ago.

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  • #830668 Reply
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    Kenn

    I have this dilemma,there used to be a girl who used to bully me when we were friends but I was insanely forgiving and gave her a bunch of chances and in the end after years of her acting cooler than me she began ignoring me anytime I texted her, even when I wished her happy birthday, so I gave up.

    Cut to present day I came across her page and she’s changed a lot, she gained a lot of weight (after years of her bullying me for dieting) she hinted at how much she hates her weight and a couple weeks ago began posting about her friends deserted her, so I couldn’t help but feel bad since I’ve had a lot of friends desert me and have had self esteem issues with my weight.

    I told my mother about this and she immediately told me the girl was just a mean girl who is finally seeing the other end of it and to not contact her, my dad told me I should just be concerned from a distant.

    Other people told me to talk to her and make amends, that maybe she feels bad about what she did and wants my forgiveness.

    So now I’m confused, on one hand I could be the bigger person and maybe put her mind at ease, or on the hand she may just ignore me again and make me feel bad or she could just not give a crap about what she did and just want people to feel sorry. I need help.

    #830669 Reply
    bittergaymark
    Bittergaymark

    Um… No. I’d not reach out. She sounds awful.

    #830670 Reply
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    JD
    Member

    You don’t need help. Ignore her. She got what was coming to her.

    #830671 Reply
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    anonymousse
    Member

    She’s not been nice to you. She never offered an apology, or reached out.

    Sometimes people get deserted for a reason. And don’t forget she ignored and deserted you.

    You still sound insanely forgiving. At your expense.

    I don’t think this person is going to offer you anything that will make your life better. Sometimes you need to look out for yourself.

    #830673 Reply
    Lucidity
    Lucidity

    The fact that you’re considering reaching out to a former bully is a sign that you’re a kind person. The fact that you’re a kind person is also why you should stay away. You have a history of being so kind that you allow others to take advantage of you. Unless you have changed significantly and can now advocate for yourself and set boundaries and end friendships/relationships when people mistreat you, you should not reach out.

    People who make public poor-me posts tend to be looking for attention. She could do something about what’s making her unhappy (see a doctor, change her diet/lifestyle, make amends with her friends, make new friends), but instead she wants sympathy and to punish the people abandoning her by publicly calling them out. If she responds to you, she’s not going to apologize – she’s going to complain. Unless she’s changed significantly, it will be a one-sided friendship where she leans on you for emotional support but doesn’t give anything back. She’ll use you to prop herself up and ghost you again when things are better for her.

    Remember that you aren’t one of the friends who abandoned her. She abandoned you. If she wants your forgiveness, she knows how to reach you.

    #830680 Reply
    FireStar
    FireStar
    Participant

    If she wanted to make amends she’d reach out to you. She hasn’t. You don’t chase someone down asking them if they are upset yet at how they treated you. No one asked you for forgiveness. It’s sad when friendships drift apart or people move on but this girl sounds like she has no friends because she mistreated them. That is called consequences. Leave her alone with the choices she made in life. Seriously. I don’t know who these other people are that told you to reach out to her but they are significantly lacking sense.

    You need to find other friends. That this woman is even on your radar is disturbing. And your other people telling you to talk to her are just plain dumb. Join groups with similarly minded people. Like animals? Volunteer at a shelter. Care about people? Join a charity like habitat for humanity. Like art? Take a class. Find your tribe. I promise you your tribe is out there and it doesn’t include a bully playing the victim.

    #830683 Reply
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    Oracle

    Old Russian saying “Do not poke a sleeping bear”.

    #830689 Reply
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    Kate
    Keymaster

    Please don’t post multiple threads on these forums using different names.

    #832349 Reply
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    Logan

    what are you going to gain by being her friend again? Oh yes that’s right!! you will be bullied all over again and this time it will last a lot longer since she ain’t got no one else to bully but you… wake up and leave things in the past and stop trying to be a fixer upper.

    #832356 Reply
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    Fyodor

    Stay away.

    #832358 Reply
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    Fyodor

    I think that you are hoping that this girl who is now the target of bullying herself will realize she was wrong and apologize to you. This won’t happen and is a bad reason to start a friendship.

    #832360 Reply
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    Kate

    I mean I think you’re lonely, probably your self-esteem isn’t awesome, and you’re hoping this girl will now be a good friend. But an important life lesson is NOT to go back to someone who kicked you and ask for more. If someone treats you poorly and doesn’t apologize and try to make amends, and you go back to them and try to engage with them, you’re not a nice, kind, forgiving, virtuous person, you’re a sucker who’s asking for more of the same treatment. You’re telling them you’re okay with being tereated like that. And that’s what you’ll get. Pray for her, genuinely hope she’s ok, but don’t reach out.

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