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Dear Wendy

Ex-Girlfriend (Advice needed)

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This topic contains 6 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by avatar Logan 3 weeks, 5 days ago.

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  • #841729 Reply
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    Dear Wendy

    So I will keep the story brief. My ex and I are not from the U.S., she moved to a state to go to school (last september) and 3 months later I moved to a different state to work and fulfill a dream. During the ‘3 months later’ I was desperately trying to sort out my job and to be honest, neglected her a lot and communication broke down due to time differences.

    We both went home for Christmas and she informed me that she was no longer happy and did not feel the same, the long distance had finally got to us. She informed me that I was the best thing that had ever happened to her and that she wanted to get through this. One month later she visits the state that I am in to break up with me in person, on amicable terms, we both said I love you upon saying our goodbyes.

    I have managed to avoid contact during the time since and blocked her on all social media to help with this. I am aware that she should be moving home in around 2 weeks, whereas I have around 2 months left. I cannot help but forget certain things she has said that have/ are giving me potential false hope – such as her stating that she does not want to delete our pictures from social media ect (and she hasn’t)

    How do you think is best to approach meeting up with her once we are both back home? Also, I handled the breakup with complete integrity and feel that this will help me in the long run with trying to get her back?

    #841733 Reply
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    Essie
    Participant

    Well, since you didn’t mention that she considered this a temporary split and wanted to try again when you both got home, I wouldn’t assume that she’d be open to trying again.

    It’s OK to send one message, asking if she’d like to meet for coffee or lunch once you’re both back at home. If she says no, or doesn’t respond, that’s your answer, and you leave it there and move on. If she’s willing to meet, it’s OK to say you’ve been thinking about her a lot and ask if she’d consider trying again. If she says no, you leave it there, say goodbye, and move on.

    Basically, it’s alright to ask once if she’d reconsider. Continuing to pursue her or “win her back” after that is disrespectful.

    #841734 Reply

    Should you contact her? You blocked her on social media. Why not just keep moving on?

    #841735 Reply
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    dinoceros
    Member

    I agree that you can maybe contact her once and ask if she wants to talk, and if not, then move on. If she wants to talk, but does not indicate she wants to get back together, then move on.

    I don’t know what other actions you’re looking at, but not deleting photos from social media means nothing. I have photos on Facebook of me and a guy I dated 8 years ago, specifically someone I think is a genuinely bad person. Me not deleting it means nothing.

    #841736 Reply
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    MaltaKano

    It doesn’t sound like you really know what you want out of this situation. Do you want to get back together? If so, what’s your plan so things would be different this time? Are you willing to move to her state within a set timeline? Do you have your career on solid enough footing to make that kind of plan? Long distance with no end in sight is a pretty strong reason to break up, and without an equally strong plan to bridge that gap (not just intentions to call more and be together “some day”), you’re probably better off apart. This is all assuming she even still has romantic feelings for you, and she may not. It’s fine to ask her to meet for coffee and discuss these things, but don’t make things messy for her by pouring out your feelings without a clear request. I’ve been in your shoes and totally feel your pain – good luck!

    #841746 Reply
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    FYI

    Definitely do not contact her unless you know how NOT to “neglect” her. Don’t do it unless you have really changed. A job is no excuse to ignore your girlfriend, really.

    #841771 Reply
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    Logan

    Just wait it out bro, what’s the rush? you in desperate need of a girlfriend? once you move back and settle in, than shoot her a texts and see what’s happening and how things are. The way you are going about it is like ” I need to have a GF ASAP once I return”…

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