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Ex roommate mad that I came and got MY stuff!!

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  • #934729 Reply
    avatardawnfawn1996
    Participant

    Ive edited to make this shorter and to have paragraphs as suggested below! My apologizes for the original long post. I have never posted on here!

    Three years ago I moved into an apartment with a two good friends of Mine. At this time, my grandmother was retiring and gave me all of her kitchen stuff as she was going to buy everything new. She literally gave me EVERYTHING anyone would ever want or need. Mixers, kureig, silverware, pots/pans, Literally everything you could think of for a kitchen.

    My roommates graduated college and moved out of town. I decided to stay in my apartment as rent was cheap and it just so happened that one of my good friends and a friend of hers from high school that I had met a couple times wanted to find an apartment. It seemed perfect.So we all signed a new lease. I told them not to worry about any kitchen stuff as I already had everything we could possibly need.

    Around this time, my boyfriend (now fiancé) and I started getting serious but felt like it was too soon to move in together. Well one night I stayed with him and I never really went back to my apartment. I continued to pay my portion of the rent and utilities and all was good.

    About a month before our lease was up, I messaged both of my roommates And told them that I would be over in the following weeks to come and get my stuff. the one roommate texted me multiple times after this to ask when I was coming to get my stuff as they wanted to use my room as a beauty room.

    I texted them again 3 days prior to coming and getting my stuff to let them know that I was coming to get some of my things. So my boyfriend and I go over there and pack up the majority of my kitchen items. Mind you that I did leave little stuff such as plates, cups, silverware, tuberware that I did not want. The rest I took.

    I go over there 2 days later to pack up my bedroom and the one roommate who has texted me in a hurry to know when I was coming to get my things, felt extremely hostile towards me. I said hi and she said hi in a shitty tone and went to her bedroom and closer her door. I figured she had a bad day and shrugged it off. It never occurred to me that she was mad at me. It should also be said that she switched mine and her rooms (my original room was the master) without even asking me and she had literally thrown all of my clothes over the floor and my bed. Her cats had also peed all over my mattress and clothes and I just threw it all away as there was no point in getting upset as the deed was done.

    I go over the next day to finish getting my bedroom packed up and she’s even more hostile. Now I get the feeling she’s upset with me. I spent the rest of the day trying to figure out why she was upset and nothing came to mind so I messaged her to see what was up. She replied “I mean I guess it would have been nice to know that you were going to come and take the whole kitchen and take the mirror that me and [other roommate] use everyday as you obviously do not use”. (For reference she’s is referring to a $1,000 stand up mirror with Hollywood lights that was a Christmas gift a couple years back). I was shocked as it never crossed my mind that she was upset with me because I came and got MY kitchen stuff and I had texted them both several times in the weeks prior to give them a heads up I would be coming to get my things.

    My reply was basically I am sorry that I was not clear when I said that I was coming to get my stuff, that also included what was mine from the kitchen, but I didn’t know I had to be specific when telling you I was going to come and get MY things. I left enough stuff that you guys have the basics and should be fine for a while. I am also leaving you guys my washer and dryer and the couch, which I did not have to do. That mirror is expensive and I’m sorry if you guys assumed that I was going to leave it there since you guys you use, but it is MINE and it should also be said that you took it upon yourself to go into my room, move it into yours without my permission or knowledge. It doesn’t matter if I use it or not, it is MINE. She never responded.

    Now there’s another issue because my original roommates and I put $200 each down for the deposit and when they moved out, my landlord just had my new roommates give them their portion. Well now the one roommate doesn’t want to give me my part of the deposit. In hindsight I wish I would have been move clear when I said I was coming to get my stuff, that also meant all of my kitchen stuff, but I thought that was implied. I tried to not just leave them without necessities. I left my washer and dryer there for them, my couch, and enough kitchen stuff That they would have the necessities. I have paid a third of the bills I did not contribute to without ever saying anything And I did not say a word when I had to throw my mattress away and $200 worth of clothes away from her cats pissing all over them. I will never live with “friends” again!

    • This topic was modified 1 month, 2 weeks ago by avatardawnfawn1996.
    • This topic was modified 1 month, 1 week ago by avatardawnfawn1996.
    #935266 Reply
    avatarFyodor
    Guest

    Next to the quotation mark key on your keyboard look for the larger key with a left-facing arrow that says “Enter.”

    #935374 Reply
    bittergaymarkBittergaymark
    Guest

    This WAS hard to read.

    Your friends are entitled brats. But that’s that generation. 🤷‍♂️ I mean you expected up to read that mess without paragraph spacings. 😆

    #935375 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    I mean, you have some valid points, but I think you lost your ground to stand on due to 1) not super clear communication, 2) that hostile rant, 3) mixing in points that aren’t relevant with your valid points.

    #935491 Reply
    avataranonymousse
    Participant

    This is unfortunately the way it sometimes goes when you live with “friends.” Maybe you should have been more clear that you were going to take all of the kitchen stuff back, but it’s yours. I see your point.

    Good luck getting that deposit back.

    #935591 Reply
    avatarbrise
    Guest

    Well, simple: if this roommate doesn’t give you back your deposit, you collect your washer and dryer and couch. And you sell them.

    #935635 Reply
    avatarFYI
    Guest

    You think you’re totally in the right, but… no.

    First, all this stuff about “I paid full rent and never even stayed there.” No. That doesn’t matter. You paid to have that room held for you; it’s not their problem where you choose to stay. If you want dibs on that room, which you clearly did because you didn’t move out, then of course you pay full price.

    Secondly, she is right that it would’ve been a courtesy to let them know that you were taking all the kitchen stuff. C’mon. Yes, it’s yours, but if everyone has been using this stuff daily for years, they don’t think of it the same way they think of your mattress or your clothes. They got used to it being communal. You really don’t get that?

    You could’ve settled all this by just saying, “oh, yeah, I can see how suddenly having no measuring cups or coffee maker would suck.” But you decided to escalate with a very defensive text, so now you have a financial mess on top of everything. Don’t blame them for all of it.

    #935705 Reply
    avatardawnfawn1996
    Participant

    You are totally right when you say that it would have been a courtesy to let them know I was coming to get my kitchen stuff. I really did think it was implied the several times I messaged both of them to let them know I was coming to get my stuff and the only reason I did a month in advanced was so that they would have tile to replace anything. I did apologize to her about that. I’m also sorry if you read that and thought I was complaining about paying a portion of the bills. No. I signed a new lease and I was responsible for the costs. I never once thought otherwise or complained about that. What I meant by “I payed a portion of the bills I didn’t contribute to” was the multiple fines they got for noise violations($100 each and they had 3 total) as well as a trash violation they received ($200) when the apartment was randomly inspected and found to be dirty and also the $200 fine They got for having the cats there when there is a no pet policy.

    • This reply was modified 1 month, 1 week ago by avatardawnfawn1996.
    #935856 Reply
    avatarKate
    Keymaster

    Well, I don’t think you should have contributed to fines they incurred when you weren’t there, and if someone’s cat pissed all over my mattress and clothing I would ask them to buy me new ones. You don’t get points for being a pushover. Your whole thing sounds pass-agg, you either don’t say a word when people ruin your shit or you scream at them over text. There’s no straightforward adult communication where you’re like, “hey, I wanted to let you know I’m going to come and get my stuff. This includes the kitchen things and everything in my room, but not the couch or the washer/dryer.”

    #936495 Reply
    avatarTalis
    Guest

    I mean…your lease is up and you’re moving out, did they really expect you to leave a bunch of your belongings just because they happened to be in a communal area? I feel like they can buy their own Keurig and vanity table if it’s that big of an inconvenience. I didn’t see your original post so maybe I’m missing something.

    Also that was shitty of them to switch rooms without asking. I’m assuming you were paying a higher share of rent for the master? Overall it just doesn’t seem like they respect your stuff. Like, I could almost understand about the kitchen things, but when you throw in the vanity and your clothes and literally your whole room, they don’t sound very considerate (let alone their disregard for multiple property policies?!). I’d be glad the lease is ending and move on.

    #940226 Reply
    avatarbrise
    Guest

    The deposit is contractual. The kitchen things are a matter of curtesy. OK, you should have given them notice, but they could use it for x time for free, which was a convenience for them. You also participate in fines you had no part in (a mistake of yours). I would give them a formal appointment (to your roommates) to discuss and solve the matter in person (tell them so). Then have an adult talk. Say the above, and ask them to comply with the contract. If not, there are consequences, like with all contracts. You will have to inform the landlord and terminate the lease. Then you will place an ad to sell the washer/dryer and the sofa.
    I am pretty sure that they will comply.
    If they point other matter, like you didn’t give a dam about them because it was all about your boyfriend (I would expect such a comment to arise), explain yourself and do apologise if necessary, but remain clear about what is transactional and what is relational.
    Solve it and don’t let it linger with hard feelings on all sides. If you solve it and make your point with the deposit, you will have acted in a mature way and probably saved somehow these friendships.

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