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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Ex trying to cheat on girlfriend with me

Home Forums Advice & Chat Ex trying to cheat on girlfriend with me

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  • #1116971 Reply
    Elise
    Guest

    My ex keeps emailing me telling me he loves me and wants to see me. Telling me how beautiful I am, how much he misses me, sending me pics, calling me baby, etc. I do not encourage this behavior and don’t respond. He has a girlfriend. He cheated on me so I know the pain and embarrassment this girl will eventually feel. Should I tell her? I had to find out on my own and discovered how secretive and deceptive he was. I don’t want the same for her.

    #1116972 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    The best thing to have done, that you can still do, is to block him on all contact channels so that he can’t reach you with this bullshit. Then you wouldn’t even know, and wouldn’t have this dilemma. You’d be moving on, not stuck in this dumb guy’s dumb drama.

    If you send this girl a note with documentation of her boyfriend’s attempts to cheat on her with you, you will have embraced the drama and engaged with it. You’ll be smack in the middle of his mess. You’ll come off jealous and crazy because that’s how they’re both going to perceive your intervention. They’ll probably both be angry and come at you with a bunch more shit. It is highly unlikely that this girl is going to be like, oh wow, thank you so much for showing me the light, I’m moving on and you’re my guardian Angel. I mean, sure, there’s a chance that your message will have the intended effect, but probably not.

    I think it’s much better for your well-being to just say to yourself, yup, this guy is a cheating piece of shit, well documented, nothing to do with me, signing off now and moving on. Then, really do block and delete him and never hear from his ass again.

    #1116975 Reply
    Avatar photoCopa
    Participant

    What @Kate said. Block the guy.

    I went through something similar-ish years ago. Caught an ex cheating, ended things, he continued to reach out by text and social media. I didn’t block him, I think a mix of still loving him, wanting to believe he still cared about me, and feeling better when I did hear from him. I didn’t respond, until one day (literally moooonths later) I did. I’ll never know what happened on his end, but not long after the one time I did engage, I got texts from his then-gf telling me leave them alone and some name calling. I clapped back. I’m sure he fed her lies and maybe some half-truths to cover his ass and she believed him. This is when I finally blocked him. It was a mess.

    I share this because I know now in hindsight that I was a huge part of my own problem back then. By not blocking him, I was denying reality and and doing myself a huge disservice because I was preventing my own healing. You’re doing the same thing. You are standing in your own way right now. Get out of your own way! He’s showing you his true true colors. He’s shady, believe it. He lies, cheats, and manipulates the people he claims to love. He shouldn’t get any access to you for your own sake. And if you contact his girlfriend, he will absolutely tell her whatever he wants and she will believe him over you.

    I know how much being cheated on hurts. I know it’s hard to reconcile the person you knew with how they ended up treating you and how you wonder what was real and what was fake. I know how it fucks with your head, perception of reality, perception of self, and confidence. If you’re dealing with these feelings, therapy can really help. It’s what I wish I’d done immediately instead of entertaining my ex’s bullshit.

    As a side note: For a couple years, there was a lot of weird shit with my ex and his then-gf on my social media that I won’t get into. They ended up getting married, the weird online stuff seemed to go away. But then Instagram came out with its Stories feature and I learned that my ex’s now-wife, the same woman who told me to leave them alone, was essentially surveilling me on social media. It’d been like five years at this point! By this point, they were married with kids and I’d been in a new city/state for almost as long as we’d been broken up. But homegirl didn’t miss a story for mooonths and I suspect only stopped when she learned it’s not anonymous. LOL! So, I think she knew/knows deep down that she married someone shady.

    • This reply was modified 2 months, 1 week ago by Avatar photoCopa.
    #1116978 Reply
    Anonymousse
    Guest

    I agree with Copa and Kate.

    You know for sure that this particular guy is not going to be treating you- or any woman well. So be smart and do the hard thing and block him for good.

    Sometimes you have to let your brain overrule your emotional connection to a stupid ex and just really cut him out of your life for good because he’s bringing nothing good to it and holding you back.

    #1117035 Reply
    noonebaby
    Participant

    You must be thinking about doing it…

    Block and delete on everything.

    Cease all communication. Permanently.

    Also, why are you entertaining someone with a girlfriend?

    He is an ex. He has a girlfriend.

    Move on. Block him.

    Stop talking to him.

    Stop cyberstalking him or the both of them.

    I think you want him back.

    I think you are hoping that by sending her things, that they’ll break up and he’ll come back to you.

    Just leave him alone.

    You’ll regret it if you don’t

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