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Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Ex’s Friends

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  • This topic has 4 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 4 weeks, 1 day ago by WhyDoWeExist?.
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  • #1110904 Reply
    Chloe
    Guest

    So I’m in a new relationship that I’m very happy with, my current partner thinks it’s weird and that I shouldn’t want to hang out with my ex partner’s friends who had become my friends for a few years, but I don’t really find it all that odd? I don’t see my ex at all, I’m very neutral about my ex nowadays and don’t even wind up talking about him while hanging out with my/his friends. My current partner though really does not want me to hang out with them, and I’ve been trying to only hang out with them very rarely but I do miss them and would want to hang out more, but I know current partner would be uncomfortable with that so I’m not. Here’s the question though, should I stand up for myself a bit more on this subject and that I should hang out with whoever I’m friends with if I’d like? Or is it actually weird that I want to hang out with them and my approach of respecting my current partner’s feelings is the way to go?

    #1110905 Reply
    Kate
    Keymaster

    It’s not at all weird to hang out with your ex’s friends. Even if your ex were around, if you two were on good/neutral terms with no interest in each other, it’s not weird. It looks like a red flag to me that your new partner is trying to tell you who to hang out with, and yes, you should tell him that these are your friends and you are not going to stop hanging out with them. What about it makes him uncomfortable? Ask him. Anything but, “I don’t know, it’s just me, I’m being stupid and will get over it” is the wrong answer.

    #1110907 Reply
    Anonymousse
    Guest

    It’s a red flag that they are telling you who you can see and how much and act uncomfortable about it. It’s controlling.

    I do think you should just call them your friends, since they are.

    I could see how someone might feel upset or worried if you were like, “I’m going out with Bob’s friends.” And you don’t invite the current partner and they have really no idea who Bob’s friends are. But still, I think your new partner is being overly jealous.

    #1110910 Reply
    LisforLeslie
    Guest

    Big red flag. Trying to control your friends and relationships outside of your couple-hood – big red flag.
    1. Shows lack of trust of you.
    2. Assumes your friends will like your ex more than your current BF. Insecure much?
    3. Assumes the weight of your friends’ opinions is unfairly balanced and assumes that you’re easily influenced or swayed. That’s a pretty negative assessment by him of you being able to manage your own opinions.

    #1110922 Reply
    WhyDoWeExist?
    Guest

    There isn’t a problem. Other than your current partner being insecure. There is an issue with that.

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