Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Family disagreeing in my relationship

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  • #1009556 Reply

    hello there! I hope that you are taking care of yourself and having a nice day. I’m writing a letter because I’m having so much trouble and issues at the moment with my family about my first relationship. In order for you to understand I have to start from the beginning. I’m from a Pentecostal church and so is my family. My family is very religious and take everything about God serious. I know this guy since I was a child and our family knows each other for years. In 2016 we liked each other and I confessed it to my mom. My mom warned me that I can’t be with him because he’s not ‘Christian’ and he doesn’t have the same belief that I do. (He goes to a Liberal Pentecostal Church) Since I didn’t like going against at my mom I told the guy I couldn’t date him and hurt him for 4 years. We reunited again in December 2020 and everything started all over again. We both developed feeling for each other again and we both decided that we should give it a try. His side of the family approves our relationship, but my side of the family is against it. They told me that I can’t be dating someone that is not from the same religion as me, that I can’t be with someone that is not spiritual, that he is not ‘Christian’ and many more. My family told me to pray if it comes from God. Eventually yesterday God talked through my grandmother and said ‘no, no, no, no you don’t have the word’. My grandma told me that I don’t have the word in this relationship and only God does. That my relationship with my boyfriend is not for me. But my mother-in-law had a vision 2 years ago with her son choosing a branch in one of the militaries. Once he choose one of the branch and graduated he started dating a girl and that girl was me. More things happen in the vision that my other-in-law had, but she told me that she will eventually talk to me about it once time passes and sees that we are still together. So right now I don’t know what to think, I dont know what to do, I dont know who to listen to.. yes I need to pray about this situation, but I would like an advice from someone who doesn’t know me and my family. I need a third person. I will appreciate anything that you will tell me.

    #1009559 Reply

    I have to say that your family and the church they attend are very narrow minded. Of course the guy you are interested in is Christian. There are many Christian denominations. Your family’s church isn’t some extra-special true version of Christianity. Church’s that preach that unique pathway to God are more cults than Christian churches.

    What do you do? That depends upon how old you are, how close you and this guy actual are (you say you got together again in December, but it’s only January now), and how independent your are.

    #1009561 Reply

    Age skews the advice. If you’re 16, our advice will be different than if you’re 25.
    Also, how do you have a mother-in-law? You are not married, correct?
    Plus, God is NOT speaking through your grandmother, I guarantee you that.

    #1009564 Reply

    Agree that your age makes a big difference in the advice we would give. But as a general recommendation, it’s clear you haven’t been exposed to a lot of critical thinking in your life and I encourage you to start exploring that. If someone claims to speak directly to god, or have visions sent from god, you need to treat that with a lot of skepticism and ask yourself why they’re claiming that. It’s funny how the “word of god” in those situations always coincides with the personal wishes and agenda of the person claiming god is speaking to them.

    You have access to the internet, so I encourage you to start exploring topics like science, other religions, relationships and healthy sex, women’s rights, literature, news, and current events. The world is a big place and it’s important that you explore it. You also need to make the decisions that are right for you regardless of whether other people agree or like them, and live your adult life in a way that does not leave you dependent and under the control of other people. I’m guessing you’re in your late teens so it’s time to start looking at college or a job so you can create a life for yourself.

    #1009565 Reply

    Your grandmother and your boyfriends mom do not speak to God or have “visions” that are directives you should actually obey. Isn’t it ironic, that what they want is also what they’ve been instructed to tell you. What a coincidence!

    Instead of listening to your very close minded family, or his mother, or anyone else, what do YOU want/think? If you want to date him, it is 2021- and if you’re a independent woman, you could do what you want.

    If you are a teenager and dependent upon your parents, I’d recommend probably obeying their commands for now because it makes your life easier. If this is the case, wait a couple years and move out.

    And yes, read some other books. There’s a lot of great stories out there, and some of them are even really old. But that doesn’t mean you should sculpt your life around them.

    #1009568 Reply

    Very general observation: at least in western culture, people who are in relationships to please their parents are rarely happy, and they seldom have happy endings.

    People who claim to speak for God are liars and in fact are breaking several established rules of the Bible, namely taking the Lord’s name in vain.

    In Christianity, God gave people free will, so I don’t know if you’re going to get a very direct answer. I think you would be best off trusting your heart, and trusting in God that he wouldn’t lead you astray.

    (In the interest of disclosure, I’m not a Christian)

    #1009571 Reply

    Become an atheist like immediately. Everybody around you is fucking nuts. But your family especially. Just run away.

    #1009576 Reply

    I’m a big fat atheist but I’m from the deep south and and know people who were Pentecostal. I know people who handled snakes in church. One of my good friends growing up didn’t believe in anything but taking the king James Bible literally. They all are now Qanon believers or atheists. When people tell you they’re having a vision from God, they’re telling you what they want. Funny how I’ve been to a pentecostal church and people were flopping around speaking in tongues, but I’ve never seen anyone speaking in tongues anywhere else. The Holy Spirit can’t move you at Publix? Or a Catholic church? I don’t know what you should do about this boy. I do think you should explore the world more and form your own opinions. Don’t be so afraid of doing something that your family won’t like. You’ll live a very narrow life if you live & breathe based on what others want. Get an education and a self supporting job, and then you can make your own decisions

    #1009580 Reply

    I am a spiritual person. I pray and hear from God. I have many pentacostal friends. Some are more liberal than others. I have been hurt by prophetic people trying to use their visions to guide or control me. God was very clear with me recently that Jesus died on the cross so that I can have a personal and direct relationship with Him. The veil was torn. Please read your bible yourself. Don’t rely on one pastor to teach you. Diversify what pastors you listen too. I respect your beliefs and your faith and want you to keep it. Please go directly to God in prayer and ask Him if this man is to be your husband. And in the future if anyone speaks to you about their visions and words take those straight to God for confirmation. DO NOT act on other people’s visions and words. Unfortunately, the world is full of manipulative people that use the word of God to control people. God bless and take your time.

    #1009582 Reply

    And yet another of my long held opinions has just been reconfirmed… once again.

    #1009587 Reply

    A very hard pill to swallow on the road to becoming an independent adult, I think, is realizing that parents and grandparents often don’t know what is in your best interests. Also often, parents and grandparents don’t care what is in your best interests and are willing to manipulate their children to their own ends.

    I’m willing to bet that Grandma here is more worried about “what people will think” if you date outside of the church rather than your eternal soul, since Grandma actually has zero percent control over whether God accepts you or not. She’s willing to use your faith as a means of control over you.

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