Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

Family problems. Need advice ASAP

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This topic contains 96 replies, has 15 voices, and was last updated by avatar keyblade 4 months, 3 weeks ago.

Viewing 12 posts - 49 through 60 (of 97 total)
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  • #742942
    avatar
    Sunshine Brite

    Shelby, it’s really hard when the people we want to support us let us down. Please consider therapy, coping skill building, and medications to get you through this time until you’re feeling better. Those are things that help with some of these long-standing issues as well as short-term emotional outbursts and getting stuck in thoughts. You want a different kind of relationship and acknowledgement than it seems your parents will give. That’s a fundamental difference and one that you can work to manage your expectations around. That doesn’t change that it hurts and you had hopes but makes it so that hurt doesn’t affect functioning. There may be resources available; contact your county or local United Way to gauge what those may be.

    #742943
    avatar
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Ok “Christina.” Lol.

    #742944
    TaraMonster
    TaraMonster
    Participant

    Yes we all know what you are saying, Northern Star. She overreacted to your first bit of advice, but she also said that she pays for everything herself and that her parents treat her siblings differently, which sounds like the root of the problem: underlying issues with her parents. I think that is clear enough at this point that we know she doesn’t want a participation trophy from her dad, but an indication that he loves her and sees her. The solution to that is therapy for her and/or a long, long talk with her parents.

    #742945
    juliecatharine
    Juliecatharine

    I’m sorry there is distress and there’s ‘my parents aren’t giving me cookies for moving’. When people write into this forum looking for actual advice they get it. The problem is very few people are doing that, they just want validation. She got her advice, she just didn’t like it.

    #742946
    avatar
    Hans

    Northerstar- yes you’re right. Everyone has gone through that. Thank you trying to explain your posts in a mature manner instead of being ridiculously smug like Kate. But I think everyone involved in this situation can agree- this is not about it not being enough for Shelby. She said she appreciated and was grateful for the help she’d gotten. Anyone rational can see she is obviously going through some traumatic, mind-altering stress and anxiety caused by years of familial issues as she also described in her various posts. I think we could all just give her a little humility due to the fact she is already emotionally distressed and looking for help In this forum. Also telling her her own accomplishments are not big enough to warrant an acknowledgement can be insulting and maybe another reason she got upset with your responses. It sounds like this is big for her in her current life situation and saying it’s not is basically echoing what her father is doing and is the original reason for this post… just some food for thought.

    #742947
    avatar
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Hahaha, Hans is the same person as Christina and Shelby, love it.

    #742948
    Skyblossom
    Skyblossom
    Participant

    Thanks Kate!

    #742949
    avatar
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Not for nothing, but all “three of them” happen to be from the same city as a historical troll.

    #742950
    avatar
    TheRascal

    “My point was that I just wish my dad would have acknowledged the situation even a BIT. Seeing how he treated my sisters very differently and we’re generous and excited for them when they moved in their first places (apartments as well) and how he ignored me completely was hurtful”

    “I want my dad to have an ounce of humility and say “hey good going daughter!” For once in my life.”

    I’m very sorry that you did not get the parents that you wish you had – I know how that feels. I live 800 miles from my parents and my dad hasn’t visited me in more than a decade. It sucks to realize that your parents just aren’t into you and maybe that’s why you are hurting right now; their lack of enthusiasm is another reminder of that.

    It seems like the dynamic with your parents is unhealthy and what you need to do is accept the fact that they will not give you what you want from them (emotionally, I mean). Mourn the parents you wish you had and move on. They will never be who you want them to be.

    #742951
    Dear Wendy
    Dear Wendy
    Keymaster

    Yes, confirmed: all three have the same IP address.

    #742953
    TaraMonster
    TaraMonster
    Participant

    Shelby- Kate is the forum moderator and knows when people are posting under duplicate handles. Pretending to be someone else to support your point is extremely immature and shows that your mental health issues require A LOT more attention than a forum can provide. I know you are feeling low, but that is a totally silly thing to do and it proves everyone’s point that you are not well and need help. Therapy is an absolute must.

    #742954
    avatar
    Kate
    Keymaster

    Thank you, Tara. I think I’ve been reading this site and monitoring my own damn mental health long enough to know when someone isn’t okay.

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