Dear Wendy
Dear Wendy

fathers behavior

Home Forums Get Advice, Give Advice fathers behavior

Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
  • Author
  • #861552 Reply

    for a long time my father was more than my father he was my best friend. Lately he ha been drinking very heavily. I am a veteran of the united stats marine corps , yes this is relevant. After i got out of the service, it was like a dream come true, i found myself a good woman, a house in a nice neighborhood, good wholesome friends, project car, good job, i was living the life and i wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. until one day, i caught her cheating on me. it destroyed me. i lost the car, house, pretty much everything except for my rifle so now I’m living with my grandparents until i can get back on my feet now I’m apprenticing as a plumber and making good money, ow I’m just saving up to get a new place, and my dad is here as well and everything was going well until he started drinking again, he has had an alcohol problem off and on my whole life and he just turns into a completely different person. he has been aggressive towards my grandparents and i for seemingly no reason at least not that i can see. and he snuck into my room last night and took my rifle and my K-BAR out of my room while i was sleeping and put them his truck and was going to leave with them. When i confronted him on what he was doing, he said that he was taking them with him to sell them. I asked him why the hell he wanted to do that and that i wasn’t going to let him do that and that if he tried then i was going to call the police. he said he didn’t trust me with any kind of weapon. i asked him why and he brought up an incident about 7 months ago or so when i had 2 friends over at my place and someone forced their way inside and had intentions on hurting me and the two other people those people being a pregnant woman and the other being her boyfriend. He had a billy club in his hand and i wasn’t going to let him hurt me or anyone i was with. so i pulled out my pistol and shot him. (hes fine by the way). I still think about it all the time sometimes it make get real emotional and sometimes cry(don’t judge me) I called the police and they came. i dint get charged it was self defense. I know i shouldn’t feel bad but i do. after that night i couldn’t stand to look at that pistol any longer so i sold it. now fast forward to today. he says because of that incident i cant be around a gun then proceeded to compare me to a school shooter. That broke my heart i cant even explain how bad i felt when he said that. it crushed me. any way i got my rifle back from him ( no easy feat) but i managed to get it without calling the police but i forgot about the knife so for all i know, he may have sold it. and he has been acting lie this for weeks and the drinking is only getting worse and so is he. someone please tell me what i should do. i am at at a loss , like ive hit a brick wall. someone please help.

    #861558 Reply

    Well this is a mess and I am not sure I am “qualified” to advise in this situation. However,my two cents:
    Move out as soon as possible. Until then,get a lock for your bedroom door. Your Grandparents should do that too or change the house locks/kick him out unless he goes to AA..
    Stop telling him about your life ( like the party/shooting incident). Remember he has issues and is a drunk,so stop listening to and getting upset about “his “judgements” on you. ( Not sure if I would have shot off a gun in a crowded house,but I hate guns and I was not there/in the situation.) He said some ridiculous things to you nonetheless.
    Get some therapy,not only to work through dealing with your dad but your own confidence and mental health. Having your partner cheat is horrible and sad-but the fact you were so messed up they you lost everything seems an over-reaction,inability to cope. Maybe there is some PTSD from the marines to work out/on.
    Hope these ideas help-good luck.

    #861559 Reply

    I am so sorry, first, thank you for your service. Please consider going to the VA regarding counseling services. Although it sounds like a clear cut case of self defense, you are struggling with the aftermath. A very dear friend of mine has PTSD, but he has been open and honest with the VA and is doing so much better. Medical marijuana is a nonaddictive option for treating the anxiety and stress if that is available where you are at.

    I honestly don’t buy that he doesn’t trust you with firearms, if it were me I would get a box together of anything that would devastate me if I lost it and ask a trusted friend to keep it. see if one of your friends has a gun safe you can keep your rifle in.

    You will be ok.

    #861560 Reply

    Thank you for your service, I also want to encourage you to reach out to the VA or spend sometime searching for any kind of counseling you might qualify for.

    It does sound like he’s at the bottom, and trying to steal your stuff to sell for money for himself and is being horribly cruel about why. I would encourage you to tell him you need the knife back or you will be reporting it. Follow through. Look into AL-non. I’m so sorry after all that you’ve been through, you’re going through this with your dad. Get a lock, safe or locked, secure case for your weapons and a lock for your room and try to move out ASAP. Good luck.

    #861562 Reply

    Go to Al-anon. You will get so much support there from other loved ones of alcoholics/addicts. You definitely don’t have to be alone in this mess. I hope you get your life back where you want it

    #861563 Reply

    I definitely think you need to get the gun out of the house. A volatile drunk doesn’t need any kind of access to weapons. The only thing you’d need to be defending yourself from at the moment is him if he got the gun.

    #861573 Reply

    Well, you have my sympathies for your difficulties, however this isn’t all about your dad, in my opinion.

    You yourself have some stuff to unpack… some “issues,” as they say. Instead of focusing on him and his problems, why don’t you put that energy into your own life? For example, losing a girlfriend shouldn’t have automatically meant that you lose your house, car, etc. Guns of any type scare me, so I won’t comment on that, except to say that shooting someone — that alone should send you to therapy.

    You need outside mental health assistance. It’s not a failure, don’t worry. You just really need to focus on your own stuff, ’cause it is there.

    #861838 Reply

    Yes to the suggestion to go to the VA for services.

    Yes to the suggestion to go to al anon.

    Also – *if* you are going to have guns at home you *must* have them properly secured and locked away in a safe. That’s true for any gun owner, but certainly for you in this situation. It never should have been possible for your father to sneak into your room and just take it. I’m not against gun ownership, but they are very powerful tools and you must be responsible if you have them.

Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
Reply To: fathers behavior
Your information: